As my baby boy CJ blew out his first birthday candle a couple weeks ago, I hoped to see him walking soon.
CJ had been cruising for months, going from toy to sofa, with graceful pilates-like balance for months. No matter what goodies I dangled out in front of him, he’d crumple down on his legs, and move out in his diaper wagging crawl.
Nope. He just did not want to walk.
I blame it on being cooped up indoors, during months of winter-spring rain. Last weekend, when the clouds parted and it warmed up into the 70’s in San Francisco, Hubby and I buckled our kids into the car and sped to Ocean Beach.
We walked all the way up near the water, where the sand feels sticky and wet. As we lowered baby CJ onto the shore, his knees and palms sank into the mush. Wet sand took to him, like black ink to a fresh brush.
Out of nowhere, unprompted, my sweet angel rose to his feet, babbled at the sky, and pointed to the ocean.
He walked.
Onlookers around us probably thought I was, like, on something. I was yelping and clapping, jumping, hoopin’ and hollerin’. Like any proud mama.
Comfortable Crawling
I’m feeling a lot like CJ right now. I’ve been crawling through a rainy season in my life for a quite some time. I’m not sayin’ my circumstances defined me. But, my faith has been shaped by stormy weather.
It’s been a positive thing overall, building a dependence on God, through continual challenges and personal setbacks.
But, now that there’s a break in the rain, I’m not too sure how to stand up and start walking. Just for the joy of it.
Strange Fruit
Suffering— I can do. Not by choice. Just how life worked out for a lot of my life.
To God’s credit, He’s blessed me through it all. Among the fruits of the Spirit listed in the Bible, I’ve seen faithfulness and goodness, as my perennial harvests.
Trusting God in the dark…
Putting one foot in front of the other…
Loving God and doing my best to love others along the way…
God’s had me doing these reps so much, they kinda built themselves into my spiritual DNA.
But, joy and peace?
Hmm… these are strange fruits indeed.
Saying Yes
I’m not saying I’m free of trials or problems. But, I’ve recently gained freedom over some major internal obstacles that have weighed me down in the past —
I’ve come to accept that some things that I wish could change, won’t.
As a result, I now feel free to pursue the things that give me joy.
Out of nowhere, I find myself in this foreign place called God’s pleasure.
How do I start walking in this new skin? What changes will I have to make?
God’s now taking me out on the beach, after the rain. I’m seeing new sights, babbling at the sky. I may stumble and feel awkward, but I’m no longer content to crawl.
I want to stand up tall.
I’m learning to say “Yes” to God, by saying “Yes” to joy.
Don’t look now — I think I see a proud Daddy, hoopin’ and hollerin’, dancing over us, with every step of “yes” we take.
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”~ God (Zephaniah 3:17)
[ In the coming posts, I’ll be sharing the steps I’m taking, to make joy my new make up. Click here to read the intro to this series, After The Rain.
Wondering about my story In The Rain? I’m working on telling it soon. Later this month of April, I’ll be asking for your help — to stand by and encourage me, as I share a page, in my chapter of walking in the rain. ]
What changes have you made, as a result of saying yes to joy?
NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN, FAITH BARISTAS!
Pour your shot of faith. Write a post on the topic “New Steps” on your blog and share it here with us. Just enter your link below. If you don’t have a blog, you can still share by posting a comment.
I’m looking forward to drinking in your brew! I’d like to encourage us to read the posts shared and comment (as your time allows). By writing what’s true in our lives and giving voice to what we really think and feel, we’re practicing fearless living together.
By keepin’ it real, we’re keeping our faith real.
[ This is an original post to Faith Barista, where Christian writer Bonnie Gray serves up shots of faith for everyday life. ]
36 Comments
Our oldest walked at nine months — for one day. And then he ran. It was all we could do to hold on for the ride.
Great post, Bonnie, and thanks for hosting this.
.-= Glynn´s last blog ..Eight Months, Three Jobs, New Steps =-.
Thank you for being a part of today’s Faith Barista Jam, Glynn.
“I had to rely less and less on myself, and often from hour to hour, and more on my faith. God knew what he was doing, even if I didn’t.” Loved this line from it!
There is something to be said when we are lifted up ‘out of the murky slime’ and we are upright and the sun is shining on our faces. We are alive! We are changed! We are loved!
David, http://www.redletterbelievers.com
It’s a great feeling!
Bonnie, it was fun to discover in the middle of the night that our hearts were both drawn to consider the first steps of our little ones… but both with unique perspectives. What a joy to hear about your little one’s new discovery! My heart smiled and cried simultaneously at the image of our Heavenly Daddy cheering for our every victory. Thank you for being the encourager you are.
.-= Susan´s last blog ..A Broken Heart =-.
You went and did it! Made me cry with your post.
” But will you set aside the restraints that you are allowing to confine you… They no longer fit. You have grown beyond them. But you can grow no further until you take them off… and leave them off. You have traveled that journey. It is time for something new…”
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
It is also time for me to get up, brush off my knees, stand up and run towards the future. This greatly encouraged me Bonnie.
.-= Kathleen Overby´s last blog ..Mt Hermon =-.
What a beautiful thought!
Great post Bonnie. I went a pretty different way on mine, but that’s what makes like awesome – differences. 🙂
.-= Brett Barner´s last blog ..GodlySheep Get’s a Makeover =-.
I’m SO glad you posted the way you did. It’s a clarion call & needed to be heard, Brett. Seriously. I loved it. Point on!
[…] about New Steps today. As part of her After the Rain series she discusses how she’s saying Yes to Joy. Join me and others as we link up together, sharing the new things God is doing in our lives. […]
Bonnie –
This is so inspiring! I love the pictures of your son and the image of getting up to walk again and God cheering us on…breathless! Thank you for encouraging us to write what God is doing new in us. I always look forward to reading what you have to say. 🙂
.-= Melissa Brotherton´s last blog ..Under the Surface =-.
Your post was inspiring, too! I didn’t know you were expecting #4! Congratulations, Melissa!
Great post, Bonnie. Interesting that your son waited to walk until he had something bigger than himself to point out. It was as if he felt it was that important that he must do something new to bring attention to it. I may be reading into it, but I thought it was cool!
Thanks for letting me know about the carnival too. It was fun. 🙂
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..Looking for Answers (An Allegory) =-.
No, I think you are right, Jason. It was just too big and too awesome to sit down for. You just gave me an idea that can help me. I want to pray and ask God to help me see something bigger, so new & captivating, I’ll just start standing up and walking towards it. Thank you!
Love IT!….God allowed me time to participate in the McLinky!! 🙂
.-= Jennifer Adams´s last blog ..Leaps of Faith or Baby Steps =-.
Yay! Thank you!
Oh Bonnie… beautiful! Trusting God in the dark. YES! 🙂
Your little guy is adorable… just precious!!
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..A Glimpse of Prayer =-.
It was an AWESOME day – his first steps, the beach, the son – and then, God speaking to me! It was beautiful, Jennifer.
Beautiful, Bonnie…I’m so looking forward to sharing this season of joy with you! Let’s celebrate Him together, jump in those puddles, watch the after-the-rain flowers grow, soak up the SON. (:
.-= Holley Gerth´s last blog ..Who’s coming for us? =-.
Oh, I’m so glad to have you here with me in it, Holley! Celebrating is so much more fun together… I LIKE the idea of watching the “after-the-rain flowers grow”. I hope they do! Makes my heart smile for ear to ear!
[…] (Update: This, by the way is just a part of the FathBarista Jam about “New Steps” that’s going on today. If you liked this, check out the other articles written about new steps here) […]
I don’t have time to write a post, but over the next few days will try to take time to read the ones here. My take? Your son walked once all the crutches (furniture, toys, etc) were taken away. Crutches hold us back once we don’t need them anymore. I need to find and get rid of the crutches in my life.
I think this is the perfect time of year to talk about joy – it’s a beautiful spring day and renewal is in the air! The birds, the breeze, the budding trees are all full of infectious joy.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..6?! =-.
This is so beautiful Bonnie! I love the analogy of taking our “first steps”. Awesome. (adorable pics of your son too!)
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..Easter or Resurrection Sunday? =-.
Did God ever plan for me to read this one, oh yes ma’am! Yes to joy! Thank you so much for this. I love how you state that while some things are beyond our power to change, we have the power to choose joy!
I cannot wait to see how your story unfolds. What a gift you have…thank you for sharing it with us!
BTW, your baby is A-DOR-A-BLE! 🙂
.-= Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms´s last blog ..Good Friday Reflections =-.
Ah! I love the idea that sometimes God gives us opportunities to get out of the comfortable and routine to for us to jump up to experience something even better! And joy is my word for the year so that’s near and dear to my heart…so excited to see all that He shows you!!
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Friday Love =-.
I don’t have a blog, so I assume this is where I enter my ‘next steps.’ It’s funny that you should ask because about 3 ½ months ago, I resigned a very busy well paying, position as an Administrative Secretary to directors in a local hospital. Why? Because I felt God was calling me to come home to read, study and write with Him. There are books stacked on the hearth, falling off bookcases and atop tables, and a list of more I want to ‘get to’ on my computer desktop. I told myself that I could not buy anymore until I finished the ones I have already found and purchased. When the stress at work began to box me against the wall in December 2009, I heard the still, small voice call in a quiet, candlelit Celtic Evensong service one Sunday. It seemed He kept calling my heart home. When I took a few days off to contemplate my decision in prayer and consultation with my husband and good friends, I also noticed that my journals had these yearnings woven through the entries for the past two years. I realized that I could keep directors’ lives organized on Outlook and over the phone on paper…the palms of my hands, race to meetings in the wee hours of the morning and during the day, pulling rooms and media and equipment together, checking to make sure the food or drinks have been delivered and slide into my chair with pen ready to take the notes for the minutes, heart pounding, palms sweating as complicated statistical and medical data was presented and discussed…But I hated that way of life. It made me feel important, but I was totally stressed and miserable.
I’ve been home for three months now and a lot has been accomplished. I finished a writing class the middle of last month. It was good although the instructor asked us to write from our own life. I only found a couple stories that were not painfully sad. I remember happy things about my life as a child—pieces scattered on the floor of my memory along side dark memories—light and dark each radiating its own special feeling in my heart. So the class was hard for me, but I got some good stories from it.
As I travel this road of renewal, I feel Abba’s presence beside me most days, but some days I doubt I heard a call. But I’ve recorded my feelings and thoughts in journals, so I can reread where I was and pick up where I am and pray when I cannot move any further. Renewal is a long road, but I have found writers who are companions along this road. Several Christian bloggers are helping, but one particular author’s depth helps so much. Sue Monk Kidd’s honesty in her writings encourages me to be honest with myself and God and dig deep into my soul and rout out the debris that needs to come out and plant the new seeds of love, truth and strength that need to go in.
I’ve investigated volunteer activities to give me time with those who need me on their journey. So far I have decided that I will work at an animal shelter because caring for animals feels healing and gets me in touch with happy feelings. I may drive cancer patients to their appointments because helping sick people gives me pleasure and peace and I know how to face tough battles. I’ve investigated CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) and am still contemplating this possibility.
One last step of my renewal is finding a church where I can serve and be nurtured. I have begun looking into a local Episcopal Church since this discipline seems to fit me better than the church I grew up in. The Episcopal Church seems to have a gentler approach, and my ragged soul responds better to this. I have thought that my childhood church has too many ghosts of past memories, and this may be another reason for my choosing a different place to worship. Sights, sounds, smells, word phrases all can keep one feeling rooted in the pain of the past. Making a total break feels healing.
All of this is just the beginning, and the largeness of this process sometimes overwhelms me, so I take it one step at a time knowing God will guide me and in the end I will be stronger…sturdier…free to be myself totally…not living within an image that someone else fashioned out of fear.
Bonnie,
It’s wonderful to hear where you are at on your journey. And that’s it…it really is a journey (for each of us). And sometimes we may want to crawl, or feel like that’s all we’ve been doing. And then – when we stand up….it’s a bit scary – there we are – out there for the whole world to see us (and will we fall down). Yet, in finding that joy – standing up and letting that become us…wow!! So happy for you!
And – a great big woohoo!! to your son!!!
.-= Lance´s last blog ..There Are No Little Things =-.
[…] Give me more faith to trust that the joy you have for me is real. […]
Bonnie, I loved this post!
And I for one am saying …YES to JOY!
I wrote a blog post on Heart Choices but was too late to link up. But it was so good for me to write so I’m leaving it up.
Your little one is too cute! I would have been jumping up and down with joy too.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Say Yes to Joy =-.
[…] Recapturing a Life of Joy Series! Be sure to catch the previous posts on the series on Finding Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really […]
[…] sure to catch the previous posts on the series Say Yes To Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative […]
[…] sure to catch the previous posts on the series Say Yes To Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative […]
[…] sure to catch the previous posts on the series Say Yes To Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative […]
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