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Now That The Ink Has Dried

By Bonnie Gray • April 29, 2010 • 22 Comments
** Final 2 Days To Vote For Me! **  I entered my 90 second video"Going Off Script"
in The Million Miles Short Film Contest.  The person with the most votes wins!
Everyone can vote once a day, every day until the contest ends Fri 4/30/10.  
Click To View My 90 sec Video & Vote "Thumbs Up" Now!  I would be very grateful!  Thank you!

popsicle

“Faith is not necessarily the power to make things the way we want them to be;

it is the courage to face things as they are.”

~ Ronald Dunn

It’s been a week since I last made a blog entry. It’s been a week since my very personal and once-private story, “Going Off Script”, has been published on Faith Barista.

I wrote the story, as the script to a 90 second video, which I entered in the The Million Miles Short Film contest last week.

So, this story of Me and Ah-Ma has never been told, except to less than a handful.

A Line Being Drawn

I wrote the initial draft, not believing I would actually publish or film it. I did it as a challenge to myself.  There is something powerful and healing to write the unspeakable and have it stare you in the face.

A line between the old and the new was drawn.  I was stepping over to embrace my new story, by telling the old.

I emailed an old college friend, Winson, and asked if he’d be interested in helping me produce it. I really didn’t expect him to say yes. The last time I spoke to Winson, I thanked him for video taping our wedding ceremony, as I hugged him and his wife Claura goodbye, standing in my satin white gown. Seven years ago.

As it turned out, he’d love to.

I suddenly found myself sitting down, writing pages and pages of the darkest season of my life. I cried and grieved, like it was all just happening again. With each flashback, the pain of memories put to the side and buried away, returned like they had never been gone.

I ended up writing it all out, until the ink in my pen ran dry.

The final cut, I shared it with you.

When The Ink Has Dried

The night before it published, I trembled, hearing the gremlins terrorize me.

But, when the tears have run and the ink has dried,
there comes a time we must believe God for who He says we are becoming — instead of the person we fear we still are.

Today’s post is an exception to my usual Faith Barista brews. This past week, I’ve been the recipient of your shots of faith.

Today, I want to take time to thank you, for your emails, comments, and tweets since my mini-story has gone out.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, your gracious and well chosen words, to lift and protect me.

Thank You

Out of my imagined fears, internal critics, and an isolation built out of hiding — you welcomed me, as I took my step publicly, to tell my short tale.

I have been resting emotionally since last week, as my heart has been filled with gratitude.  Your voices reached my heart and your support strengthened my joy.

I’m back to first say, Thank you.

I’ll be starting a new series now– Living Your Story— inspired by your What Ifs (from the Faith Barista Jam) and some more stories from Going Off Script.

I look forward to swapping stories and learning to write our new faith stories together.

Sometimes, we must share the old, cry a little, in order to share the new and smile that much deeper.

Now that the ink has dried — for now — we can put down our pens, and pick up a popsicle.  What do I mean?  Put up our feet and take some time to just enjoy the sweetness.
Take a moment. Reflect on your story.

Can you see the new you are becoming?

We can rest knowing God sees. He continues His writing in you.

“As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.”
~ Psalm 16:3

renewalthanksgiving

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22 Comments

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22 Comments

  • Reply Katie April 29, 2010 at 4:05 am

    Thank you… you inspired me to what if agian and live my story. I have what if more since the challenge but not had time to write it out.

    At times I see the new me and other times I don’t….. I am working on it.
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Words to Build a Life On =-.

  • Reply *~Michelle~* April 29, 2010 at 5:24 am

    May you begin to feel a new sense of revival as you now can “Be Still”. God is preparing you for His next adventure…..
    .-= *~Michelle~*´s last blog ..Psalm 28:7 =-.

  • Reply Jennifer Adams April 29, 2010 at 5:49 am

    Bonnie, you are an incredible women! I’m so proud of you! 🙂 I have tried to watch your short film several times, but I need to update my browser. I voted for you though 😉 Thanks for being so inspiring. Enjoy resting and reflecting. You deserve it!
    .-= Jennifer Adams´s last blog ..This is the Song that Never Ends… =-.

  • Reply Susan@PrairieLilyArts April 29, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Bonnie, as I see some of the blogs of those of us who enjoy you so much, I continue to see this common thread of growth and renewal. I am at a time in my life of stepping over a line, a schism, as well. It’s not an easy thing to do. You’ve done it with grace and courage… in those lovely joy shoes. May your heart be tenderly touched by the realization that you’ve encouraged many.
    .-= Susan@PrairieLilyArts´s last blog ..Blossom =-.

  • Reply Kathleen Overby April 29, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Got a hammock? Just swing. 🙂
    .-= Kathleen Overby´s last blog ..They Said Yes =-.

  • Reply Cassandra Frear April 29, 2010 at 8:19 am

    I can’t see at all. But He does. And that is enough. We’re partnering together and that’s a life I can get excited about.
    .-= Cassandra Frear´s last blog ..Word Play =-.

  • Reply jasonS April 29, 2010 at 8:52 am

    This is what the family of God is all about–supporting and loving one another to new heights and depths. I believe you are reaching into both Bonnie!

    “there comes a time we must believe God for who He says we are becoming — instead of the person we fear we still are.” Well said and an important truth. While driving (walking for that matter), we go wherever we are focused on. It may be slowly at first, but we will veer off eventually. In life, if we are looking at what we are not or what we fear, we will end up there, but if our hearts are stayed on His word and truth, what miracles we will see!

    Blessings and grace to you, Bonnie…
    .-= jasonS´s last blog ..The Secret about Winning Every Time =-.

  • Reply Melissa Brotherton April 29, 2010 at 9:34 am

    I’m glad you took time to sit, reflect and process what God is doing in you right now. So often in my fast-paced, Twitter, FB, bloggy life I read inspiring things, write something God is teaching me or get an “aha!” from something…and then I move on to the next. Like the seeds scattered in rocky soil, it doesn’t take root. I’m excited to read your new series and wanted to let you know God’s using you to help me make changes in my life. 🙂 Thank you for putting that out there and challenging us all in our lives! 🙂
    .-= Melissa Brotherton´s last blog ..Not because you told me to =-.

  • Reply Jennifer April 29, 2010 at 9:40 am

    I loved hearing your story, in your words, in your voice. Your courage is breathtaking. Your courage is inspiring.
    Love you my friend!!
    ~Jennifer
    .-= Jennifer´s last blog ..run! =-.

  • Reply patricia April 29, 2010 at 10:07 am

    “We can rest knowing God sees. He continues His writing in you.”

    i love this!
    .-= patricia´s last blog ..4.23.10 cest la vie. =-.

  • Reply Rachel @ the science of music April 29, 2010 at 11:35 am

    I’m adidng popsicles to my grocery list right now! =)

    I love the idea of just sitting back and enjoying the sweetness of who I’ve become. I’m not the same as I was however many years ago; why do I still want to be that person? It’s so hard to let go, and I appreciate your courage in doing so in such a public way.
    .-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..a hat trick =-.

  • Reply uberVU - social comments April 29, 2010 at 11:54 am

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by br8kthru: RT @TheBonnieGray: New Post — I’ve Stepped Over A Line… http://bit.ly/ciBELH Now That The Ink Has Dried…

  • Reply Sandra Heska King April 29, 2010 at 11:56 am

    You are beloved and beautiful! And a blessing.
    .-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..I Saw the Light =-.

  • Reply Kristine McGuire April 29, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    Isn’t it wonderful when people do not meet our expectations? We have those “gremlins” buzzing about our ears, filling our mind with the lie that if we shared who we REALLY are or where we have been we would be rejected. I think that is what makes the surprising and sweet savor of acceptance so appreciated once received.
    .-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..Mountains and Molehills =-.

  • Reply Julie Benner April 29, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    Bonnie, I am so glad that you gathered the courage to share your story so publicly, so that we could all know you better and know something more about the world and the tough decisions people have to make. Thank you for your beautiful story and for your generous ways.
    .-= Julie Benner´s last blog ..Am I The Only One Who Has This Problem? =-.

  • Reply Bonnie Gray April 29, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    @Katie: It is a ongoing renewal. We will continually see glimpses of both. Keep going, Katie!
    @Michelle: Thank you, Michelle! “Be Still” is how I’m celebrating! I’m counting on His preparation! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by– hope you’re well!
    @Jennifer: Thanks for voting, even without seeing. Blessed are those who vote w/out seeing! 🙂 LOL.
    @Susan: That line is a “schism”. That’s quite fitting actually, girl! 🙂 Thank you for your encouragement. Keep pointing your heart to our Father, because you are blessing us, sharing your faith journey.
    @Kathleen: A hammock?… Yes! 🙂

  • Reply Bonnie Gray April 29, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    @cassandra: That is enough– Amen!
    @jasonS: “if we are looking at what we fear, we will end up there, but if our hearts are stayed on His word and truth, what miracles..” This is my daily work, Jason. You hit the nail on the head. Snapping my head back to the front.
    @Melissa: Thanks for letting me know! It encourages me! I’m so excited we can share this season of change together– Go, Melissa!
    @Jennifer(JRU): So thankful God brought you into my story! Your story inspired me, Jennifer!
    @patricia: He is!

  • Reply Bonnie Gray April 29, 2010 at 9:10 pm

    @Rachel: I appreciate your encouragement so much! God says our future is brighter than our past. I definitely don’t feel or even see it some days, esp. in the moment, but we we’ll be rewarded for our faith, if we dare to believe.
    @Sandra: Thank you, Sandra! What a blessing you are!
    @Kristine: “Isn’t it wonderful when people do not meet our expectations?” I had to read that twice and then I said, “Amen!” I really was attacked with those lies you’re talkin’ bout here, Kristine! And yes, that is why acceptance you’ve all showed me is so sweet! Thank you!
    @Julie: I’m so grateful it has been such a blessing. Thank you, Juile!

  • Reply Ww May 1, 2010 at 1:09 am

    it is all about the truth and how it is told . . . glad to be a part of it, and like many others, I too, gained much strength from your well told story, “write on”, sister!

  • Reply Kristine McGuire May 1, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    Bonnie ~ Even as I wrote that sentence I thought “you know, that’s going to throw some people off…lol” . Perspective is everything 😀
    .-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..The Word of Our Testimony =-.

  • Reply Meg May 1, 2010 at 7:37 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Though I can’t imagine what your mother went through, I can certainly relate to your story. A line that you wrote toward the end of this post really moved me: “Can you see the new you are becoming? We can rest knowing God sees.”

    I have been struggling with that SO much lately. I am a writer trapped in a job that’s not for me. I SO want to know what the Lord has planned for me, but He just hasn’t revealed the next step yet. Despite the wait though, I would rather wait and be in God’s will than take me own steps toward what I think is best!

    Thank you again for sharing your story! It provided me with a lot of encouragement! Blessings to you!
    .-= Meg´s last blog ..Pool Time =-.

  • Reply Mariah May 6, 2010 at 5:02 am

    Well done my friend Of course you wrapped it up perfectly…”Can you see the new you are becoming? We can rest knowing God sees. He continues His writing in you.” It is ‘awe’some to look back and see what God has done to bring us to this point isn’t it?
    .-= Mariah´s last blog ..Stepping Away =-.

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