“Precious, precious, precious!” Gollum cried. “My Precious! O my Precious!”
He stepped too far, toppled, wavered for a moment on the brink, and then with a shriek he fell. ~ The Lord Of The Rings
Back in the day, before I knew better, I snowboarded double black diamonds.
I only got there because I invested a chunk of money and weekends, driving up the slopes to get private one-on-one lessons.
My long-haired, goateed instructor, “Shaun”, would board out in front, to demonstrate how it’s done. Then, he’d give me the 411.
Rule #1: Point your body downhill.
Rule #2: Look at where you want to go.
He’d snowboard behind me, and yell out these two rules over and over. I feebly tried to look cool, while planting my face and eating snow at every fall.
There I was, week after week, with my arms out like a frozen helicopter, trying to will my body down the slopes to follow Rule #1. I’d point my face downhill, but my body pulled back in protest.
Whoosh! My board would slip out from under me. I trusted my instinct more than the instruction.
By far, the hardest habit to break was Rule #2. Once I actually started moving, I was even more afraid.
It’s interesting how, even at great speeds, one notices all the things that can trip you up and make you crash.
I focused on the very things that I wanted to avoid: a bump on the trail, the row of trees to my left and the scariest of all… other people on the slopes.
This continued on for weeks, until Shaun stopped being my buddy. “Bonnie, you have GOT to STOP looking at everything that’s making you fall. Look at ME! Nothing else!”
Shaun peeled out in front of me, stopped at the bottom of the run. He made the peace sign, to point his two fingers at his goggles and signal, “Keep your eyes on ME!”
For better or worse, I told myself, “You’ve got to this, Bonnie. Keep your eyes on him… Or DIE.”
We Run And Fall
Getting rid of our negative character traits can be just as daunting and discouraging.
Don Miller says the key to change is “to simply acknowledge what we are doing and and why, then move on without self judgment”.
It was a thought-provoking approach and I discovered that it’s Biblical, too.
Every day, we start off the day with our best intentions to stop being impatient, don’t be critical, quit worrying.
We end up running into the very things that blows our best efforts.
“It’s spiritual warfare!” We protest. “Not fair!” We fall and trip over the things about ourselves we want to rid.
In far too many cases, we’ve missed the pointers God’s given us about kicking our negative character traits.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–
think about such things.”
~Philippians 4:8
Focus on the positive. It doesn’t say “Beat yourself up. Think of all the terrible things about yourself.”
Ah, that’s too simplistic. Too “spiritual”. It’s like brainwashing myself.
Then, I thought about why I preferred self-judgment.
Risky Business
My unwillingness to abandon focus on faults stems from fear. I’m afraid if I don’t monitor and keep my eye on my imperfections, they’ll take over. And I’ll be bad.
It’s risky to stop trying to improve our faults. God’s direction is oh-so-not comfortable.
Abandon my attempts to fix myself? It feels irresponsible.
That is exactly what God calls us to do. We are no longer slaves to our negative traits. Because of God, we are slaves to our positive traits.
The alternative to letting God do the improvements, is to focus on improving ourselves. It may feel rewarding, but the changes are cosmetic.
God does the real inner changes.
Do we trust that God’s let us off the hook? Will we walk in freedom of all the good He’s put in us?
It’s risky, but I am finding more joy and freedom keeping my eyes on Him, rather than my faults.
I am trying to lean into life, while focusing on everything that is good. I’m steering more from my negative character traits, by seeing more of the positives in myself. And others.
“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves,
but our competence comes from God.”
~ 2 Corinthians 3:5
What are the character traits you’d like to be rid of?
What has helped you avoid self-judgment?
Be sure to stop by Don Miller’s blog and catch his post in its entirety.
Be sure to catch the previous posts on the series Say Yes To Joy:
Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy
Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want
Photo courtesy of Photobucket.com
[ This is an original Faith Barista post, where Bonnie Gray serves up shots of faith for everyday life. ]
33 Comments
I just wanted to stop in and say that I am now following your blog again. I used to be, but due to some privacy issues, had to go incognito. I look forward to reading your post again, and hope you follow me back to my new site. Thanks!
.-= Duane Scott´s last blog ..An Old Man’s Theory =-.
Hi Duane! Thanks for stopping by with an update. Glad to hear you’re back up and running!
The Scripture verse that came to mind while reading this great post is Hebrews 12:1-2: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith.”
I always tell people that the Lord wants us to acknowledge and confess our sins, but He does not want us to dwell on them. He wants us to focus on the blessings He daily lavishes upon us. The devil’s blackmail is to keep us focused on our imperfections. The Lord takes the opposite approach: He beckons us to focus on Him and the gifts and graces He gives to us.
Great post Bonnie!
.-= Fr. Michael´s last blog ..Praise Him in the Storm =-.
Fr. Michael, thanks for adding to the post with the Hebrews passage.
“The Lord wants us to acknowledge and confess our sins, but He does not want us to dwell on them. He wants us to focus on the blessings He daily lavishes upon us.”
I think this adds a balance to the thoughts here. Thank you!
A great analogy for sure. There are so many character traits I’m dealing with and many more I don’t even see clearly yet! I’m so thankful for the Holy Spirit.
I think I stopped judging myself so much when I finally accepted God loved me (I had been a Christian most of my life at that point). It was a long process with a lot of brokenness, but the reward is huge. Also when I read 1 Corinthians 4:3 where Paul says “I do not even judge myself” a light went on. Why do I think I’m equipped to judge or not judge. I have to rely on the conviction of the Holy Spirit and leave everything else alone. Easier said than done, but I’m so much more joyful in the process than dealing with it on my own…
Thanks Bonnie.
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..Is Gentleness the Forgotten Fruit? =-.
Jason, thank you SO much for Cor 4:3 — that is a GREAT encouragement. I forgot about that. And thank you for sharing that it is a long process. It’s important that we all keep it real. This is an ongoing process.
As usual, great post Bonnie! I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have lived with self-judgment for many years and I am learning to put off those lies and to put on the truth.
.-= Kevin M.´s last blog ..What’s the best vacation you’ve ever had? =-.
Sounds like we are on the same faith slope!
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheBonnieGray: @donmilleris Your post inspired mine today: It’s Risky Business http://bit.ly/9ZWcLx Changing Negative Character Traits…
First of all…you are amazing in that you SNOWBOARD!
You would seriously be a hero to my youngest girlchild 🙂
I love how you use your experiences of learning how to focus on where you want to go rather than what you want to avoid, and how this equates to bad habits, etc. How many times have I focused on what I want to change about myself only to find myself falling into the same pattern? A great post and words of wisdom!
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..He’s Not My Prince Charming =-.
Aw… cool… you have a little snow bunny boarder, huh?! …
I know what you mean about the “pattern”… that’s why I love hearing about how people break out of theirs… and learn…
Now when I am doing a task our Father has specifically asked me to do, I trust Him in my doing knowing that He is bigger than any mistake I make. I realized while reading your post today I don’t always do that when it comes to my every day living. Thanks for the insight!
Nice to “see” you!
Just keeping your eyes on Him seems so easy until you try to put it into practice. I judge myself based on my body all the time> “I shouldn’t have eaten that” or “I should have worked out today”. I think the answer is, like you said, focusing on the teacher, not the things that trip you up.
Amen>>>“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves,but our competence comes from God.”
~ 2 Corinthians 3:5
.-= Jennifer Adams´s last blog ..Life Review: Okay, a Review of This Month =-.
I KNOW what you mean! Nike really was selling us something when the ad said, “JUST do it!”. Focusing ourselves on a loving Jesus – who accepts our failings and draws near – is much more alluring.
I really appreciate this clarification of ‘seeing’ our imperfections, admitting them and moving on. It’s a much better approach than beating up on yourself and leaves room for a more fluid experience with life. Thanks.
It also helps us to move on with others’ imperfections, too – if we can give ourselves a break.
Oh goodness…I can think of 1 or 20 I’d like to drop! At the top of my list…being slow to speak and quick to listen.
I love this Bonnie…you give me a whole meal to chew on. Thank you for this!
.-= Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms´s last blog ..Thicker than Blood =-.
LOL. You’re always keepin’ it real. Just LOVE that about you!
Just realized that I said my point backwards…I meant to say that I want to drop my tendency to be quick to speak and slow to listen! LOL!
.-= Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms´s last blog ..Thicker than Blood =-.
Love this post!!!
SO TRUE that we cannot improve ourselves. I’m always amazed at how often I’ve heard the Fruit of the Spirit taught like a “how-to” course – first you love, then you have joy, then have peace… we can’t do it ourselves! We have to abide in Him and let HIM produce the fruit! 🙂
.-= Kristi Stephens´s last blog ..Compelled by the Risen Jesus =-.
It’s much easier to teach & be taught “how-to” rather than abide and let Him produce the fruit. Kristi… thanks for taking time to hang out here on the vine! 😉
This is a great post! I love the part about point yourself where you want to go and LOOK at where you want to go, not where you might fall. So true!
Oddly enough my last few posts have been about thanking God for everything — everything He brings into your life, even the “bad” things that you don’t think He could have meant you to have to suffer. For me, the main focus here is to stop complaining. And I can’t do it on my own, that I have found out! Being thankful is a whole new way of being, and it leads to joy — I have had some glimpses of that already! Thanks for the post!
Thanks too for visiting my blog on Easter and commenting! You are my first fellow blogger to visit, besides the friend who got me started!
Julie’s last blog… http://www.mereinspiraton.com/2010/04/why-praise-god-for-unpleasant-things.html
That is SO awesome you’re tasting some of that fruit of focusing on the good. It’s encouraging to hear that it actually “works” 🙂 … Keep pouring your faith brews on the blog, Julie!
I love this story Bonnie! I have always loved that Philippians verse… great reminder to ‘focus on the positive’.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..New Art!! =-.
Hi Jennifer! I hope you’re doin’ good… Lemme go check out that “New Art” now…
Wow, this is really powerful, Bonnie. I just read something really similar in The Power of Positive Thinking. That book was written 60 years ago and here you are giving us what we need today too…amazing how God-truths are timeless and just what we need in the moment. Thanks for the grande-mocha-whipped-cream-extra-shot insight. (:
Going to add this one to the Weekly Links section of my blog now…
.-= Holley Gerth´s last blog ..Surprise! You’re Delightful… =-.
Oh, I must get my hands on that book then! I’m so happy to see your beautiful face here at the faith barista bar… ‘cuz I can sit here and enjoy this shot together, Holley… 😉 Thank you for that link love!
[…] Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative Character Traits Step 4: 10 Ways To Make Rest One […]
You hit it on the head for me! If I quit focusing on the negative things I want to change how will I make sure they’ll be different? Of course I miss the whole point that I’m not the one who’s responsible for changing them. Thank you for encouraging me to focus on the pure, lovely, etc today. I’m gonna go write that verse down & put it on my mirror.
.-= Melissa Brotherton´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to Me… =-.
[…] used to feel so defeated trying to get rid of the negative traits I saw in my personality. There was always an initial boost whenever I tried something new to […]
[…] Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative Character Traits Step 4: 10 Ways To Make Rest One Ambition Step 5: The Tipping Point: Why We Watch American […]
[…] Joy: Step 1: After The Rain: Say Yes To Joy Step 2: A Trip For Ice Cream: What Do You Really Want Step 3: Risky Business: Changing Negative Character Traits Step 4: 10 Ways To Make Rest One […]