“The parts of the story you want to cut out are the very parts that God wants to write in.”
~ Thoughts after publishing “Going Off Script”.
I’ve been waiting for the results of the film contest I entered, with mixed emotions.
Ain’t it ironic? I got the results on Mother’s Day weekend.
For weeks leading up to the contest, I was sweating bullets, heads down chopping the original 15 page script. Problem was, I had only 90 seconds to film my heart wrenching 30 year saga, not a major length movie!
How does one tell a tale that you’ve wanted to hide and leave behind?
Every Mother’s Day has been a reminder that I was never so far, but a heartbeat away from a broken dream and a disenchanted childhood.
I’ve never been one to cry over spilled milk.
The past is the past. There’s no point in looking back. Let’s just move on...
Even sounds kinda Biblical, don’t you think?
It’s a precarious thing, when Scripture becomes a scapegoat. Because in my case, the past needed to be dealt with.
I Felt Small
My past made me feel small. Almost good enough. But, not quite.
I’ll just cut it out of my story.
This was my way of controlling my unhappiness.
I tried to write out the things that hurt me.
I was wrong.
What He Writes
God doesn’t want us to kill our stories.
He wants to take where we’ve been and show us He was there.
He wants to show us He saw the loneliness in our eyes and heard the cries that went unshed.
He causes the events of our struggles to coincide with His timing —
to help us understand He rescues us,
when we can’t put the pieces back together again;
to love us when we feel unlovable,
so that we can no longer deny His undying faithfulness to us.
He wants to write Abba into our stories.
It may not look the way we want it to.
But, if we are willing, each of us has a real story to share.
It is the one that only you — and I — could write with God.
I Have To Be Honest…
Although writing and creating the short film proved cathardic and healing, I have to be honest. I did not enjoy grieving the mother relationship I wish I had so publicly.
To my surprise, something of more importance took the place of my discomfort.
I found support, comfort, and unspoken understanding from all of you who have read, commented, and helped to get the word out about my story.
A part of me that was once in hiding, came out in the open.
I am no longer ashamed. I no longer have to run from my past or excuse it away.
God used your encouragement, to integrate my history into who I am today.
I Wish I Could…
Thank you for being a part of making me more whole than I was a few weeks ago.
I wish I could tell you I won the film contest and am thousand dollars richer.
No cigar! I didn’t win. ( I did manage to squeak out the bronze! )
On the contrary, I am more than overjoyed to say, thanks to you– I am countless times wealthier, in ways I could have never thought possible. Without winning a dime!
Thank you for blessing me. My heart is grateful and at peace.
You show that you are a letter from Christ…
written not with ink
but with the Spirit of the living God,
not on tablets of stone
but on tablets of human hearts.”
~ 2 Cor 3:3
Do you have a inkling to kill off any part of your story?
How do you make peace with the past?