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When You’re Not Ready For Christmas

By Bonnie Gray • December 17, 2010 • 5 Comments

I wasn’t ready for Christmas.

You wouldn’t have guessed it, judging from the two bulging suitcases I dragged up to the ticket counter. I was flying up Northwest to spend my first holidays with future-in-laws, to get introduced as “the girlfriend” to the family clan.

The mission was strategically planned for a quick in and out trip. Just four days.  You’d be proud. I was cramming in outfits, presents and shoes, like a rabid gamer of luggage Tetris. Don’t tell me there aren’t snow storms in Washington. I was prepared.

What I wasn’t prepared for was the storm that swirled inside my heart, tearing me down where no one could see.

I wasn’t ready for Christmas because my own family was torn apart from decades of unresolved drama. My dream of a Merry Christmas with my childhood family and my grown-up love slipped through my fingers.   It was definitely gone.

Dreams At Christmas

We all dream at Christmas. We’ve been taught from early on that this is the happiest time of the year. What if it turns out that it’s the saddest?

It’s the most painful feeling to carry, when you have a hole in your heart and everything screams, Be of good cheer.

I woke up every morning that Christmas season, believing in miracles, waiting for everything to be alright…

(To be continued…)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…To read the rest of my story and see what happened next – click here and jump over to DaySpring’s (In)Courage website, where today’s post is published.

Share a comment there – I’d love to hear your thoughts and I’d appreciate your company!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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5 Comments

  • Reply Jeri @godsdreamsforme December 17, 2010 at 1:06 am

    I take a deep breath in and am so encouraged by this. Words had been used for so long to hurt me and now God’s words heal. Thank you for letting Him use your words too.
    .-= Jeri @godsdreamsforme´s last blog ..My Healing Began with a Stranger =-.

  • Reply Katie December 17, 2010 at 5:30 am

    Oh Bonnie, So very appropriate right now. You are so right. Jesus is there for me and my family during all our difficult times. Thank you so much for sharing a time when Christmas was hard for you. It helps me knowing I am not the only one who has felt this way. And it is a wonderful reminder for me to keep trusting Jesus during hard times.
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Unwrapping Jesus through Blue Christmas =-.

  • Reply Tweets that mention When You’re Not Ready For Christmas | Faith Barista -- Topsy.com December 17, 2010 at 7:54 am

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Glynn Young, Alltop Christianity. Alltop Christianity said: When You’re Not Ready For Christmas: I wasn’t ready for Christmas. You wouldn’t have guessed it, judging from th… http://bit.ly/f021Hb […]

  • Reply Melissa December 17, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Gulp.

    This will be a hard year for us, but somehow by God’s power, comfort and joy, I have a quiet, settled peace. This was be the first year without my dad and since his death, there has been division with my stepmom, sisters and brother. This past year God has brought me through some difficult trials and they all have to deal with relationships – from marriage to friends to family. Through it all, God shows His steadfastness and faithfulness. How can I not feel blessed! He is for me, who can be against me? I will be rejoicing this Christmas for the ministry of reconciliation to God. Praise Him!

    P.S. I swear every time I read your posts I say out loud to my computer screen, “That’s it! I’m jumping in my car and driving up the coast to see you!” 😉 Love.your.words. They are so very preciously scooped up and placed in my heart.

  • Reply Lisa Colón DeLay December 22, 2010 at 9:05 am

    I’m usually really excited about the Christmas season, (having not celebrated it as a kid….long story) but at the same time, Christmas day sneaks up on me. There are typically a few times in December when I grimace realizing the magnitude of obligations or responsibilities. I do ask for peace…in my heart.

    (my most recent post on “Christmas irony”, shows a photo of a granny in a really funny t-shirt. The message written there can often turn into my/our attitudes by the end of December.)
    .-= Lisa Colón DeLay´s last blog ..Things you see at Christmas- Irony =-.

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