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The Art of Attraction: The Joy of Asking

By Bonnie Gray • April 14, 2011 • 17 Comments

If joy is a gift, does it mean we’re left to only wait to receive? Does joy count if we ask for it too?

Back when I was single, one of the hot topics regularly debated was whether a girl should ask a guy out for a date. I don’t think I ever settled on a universal answer for everyone. But I had my personal preference.

I wanted to be pursued. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t play hard to get. But I was leading various ministries and I handled my responsibility with great care. It was important to safeguard the community and my heart to view the opposite gender as familial. Everyone was my brother; that was my practiced default.

As I entered my 30’s still unattached, I wondered maybe I had gotten too good at treating everyone as my brother. Did I somehow lose the capacity to feel attraction?

In my relationship with Jesus, I’ve gone through a season where I learned to find contentment by faith.  It’s always felt intuitive to go to God if I’m in need.

But I don’t think it ever occurred to me go to God — to ask for joy.

No Longer Willing

Asking for joy seemed odd and out of place.  Wasn’t I supposed to already have joy since I had God?

Something I rarely confronted was the part of me that felt guilty for not experiencing joy in greater measure.  Since my second baby CJ was born, a thirst I never experienced before suddenly developed.  I don’t know how they are related, but I do know this.  I wasn’t satisfied with the amount of joy I was living in my everyday.

It was a feeling similar to what I felt after I went on my first date with my husband.  I wanted more.

Just like the right person triggered an attraction I didn’t think possible, Jesus has ignited a desire for more joy.

I didn’t trust this desire for more joy initially.  I discounted it as a potential source of discontentment.

Bit by bit, Jesus conveniently had me running into Scripture that contained the word JOY time and again.  I started thinking it wasn’t coincidence.

I was no longer willing to just read about it.  I wanted joy to be increasing in my life, not just on paper.

What Do You Seek?

As I began to prepare for Easter, I wanted to get especially close to Jesus, wanting more words of joy.  I decided to read through the red letter words in the Bible.  I started with the Gospel of John (my faves of the Gospels for the amount of dialogue).

Jesus’ first words in the Gospel of John has been fascinating me.

Two of his future disciples were curious about Jesus, following Him from a distance.

“… Jesus turned and saw them following and said, to them, “What do you seek?”

They said, “Teacher, where are you staying?”

Jesus said to them, “Come and you will see.” John 1:35-39

I realized as much as Jesus likes initiating, our relationship is reciprocal.

He wants us to ask for joy too.

He wants me to dare to seek joy — to actually articulate my desire for it.

Take A Risk

Jesus isn’t a Master sitting from on high, waiting to dispense joy like a detached sultan blessing his subjects.  Jesus is wooing us, inviting us to open ourselves up for joy — by wanting it.

Maybe you’re like me.  During difficult times, you’ve had to hunker down by faith, thinking joy was a luxury while trusting God in the dark.

Jesus is waiting for us to take a risk… to ask, so that we can receive:

“Until now you have asked for nothing in my name;
Ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full…
for the Father Himself loves you…”
~ John 16:24, 26a

Now that I’m married, the question of who should initiate romance continues to be a hot topic in small groups and even Sunday School.

I guess there’s a timeless hunger in our souls that longs to pursue and be pursued. We want to be desired and we equally long to desire.

This art of attraction takes two.  There is a time to receive, but there is also the joy of asking.

If you’re wondering if joy has been long out of use too long and out of your everyday scenery, will you dare to believe with me?  Along with our daily needs, we can ask for joy.

~~~~~

How is Jesus showing you something new about joy?

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*Today’s post is part of a new April series — Discovering New Joy. Check out our topic for today and next week’s new topic!

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17 Comments

  • Reply Katy April 14, 2011 at 3:59 am

    love reading in my boy John. He’s definitely my fave =) And so true…sometimes we just don’t have because we don’t ask. Lately I feel like I’m the one in the parable where the person keeps asking and asking and asking….I figure something will give eventually =) (or He’ll change me or my perspective).
    I don’t have energy to write a blog post so here’s what I’m learning: healing can take a long time and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

  • Reply When We’re Close to the Truth, Attacks Will Come | :: in.a.mirror.dimly :: April 14, 2011 at 4:23 am

    […] more posts on faith: The Art of Attraction: The Joy of Asking Share and […]

  • Reply ed cyzewski April 14, 2011 at 4:27 am

    This post reminds me of Luke 11:13, which I just discussed with some guys last night:
    “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!””

    God wants us to ask for more of him, and he will respond–adding the caveat that he may respond in ways that we don’t expect or at times that don’t match our schedules.

  • Reply Jeri T. April 14, 2011 at 4:57 am

    He’s showing me that the craziness is a wild adventure with Him. Unwrapping our every day in whatever way and giving thanks for the little and big is how He’s been showing us new and fresh.

    I’ll believe with you Bonnie and I’ll ask for His joy too 😀

  • Reply Lisa notes... April 14, 2011 at 5:14 am

    “Asking for joy seemed odd and out of place. Wasn’t I supposed to already have joy since I had God?”

    You’ve done it again, Bonnie, and made me tweak my thinking. My default thinking is: why ask for something I’m ‘supposed’ to already have? But when I’m low, I should ask! He wants us to ask; he tells us to ask. It brings him delight when we come, dependent upon him, for something he longs to give us. And he definitely longs to give us joy in him.

  • Reply Dee April 14, 2011 at 6:17 am

    After my morning walk yesterday through the park behind our home, I was meditating with God over a nagging uneasy feeling. I was trying to name the feeling and finally came up with fear. There are lots of changes in my life right now and some of them are pushing me to grow. There was the feeling that I was not in control of how my life was unfolding, and my question came, “Where are you taking me, Daddy?” Lots of what is happening is really good–dreams beginning to take form in reality. His answer was merely, “Wait and see.” There are days during this time in my life, that I feel pure ecstatic joy. That moment when I felt him take my hand my heart brushed against something I had not experienced in my faith walk before–I was beginning to let go and follow where he is leading me. There was a bit of joy and fear mixed together as our relationship took a deeper course.

  • Reply Meg Glidden April 14, 2011 at 6:50 am

    I actually gave all my daughters Joy as a middle name. No matter what the circumstances of our lives, joy is in the middle. Why? Because, although we live in the shadow of the Fall, the Lightbringer indwells us. Charles Spurgeon once stopped int the middle of the street and was asked why. He replied: ” A shadow came between me and my God and I couldn’t go forward until it was cleared up.” Loose quote. Anyway, the tighter we cling to Jesus, the better he shines through. We can and must ask, He told us to, and if it isn’t happening, look for the source. With me it’s usually worry or prayerlessness or poor diet or lack of exercise. The enemy of our souls would have us joyless. Our King would have us dancing at the wedding feast.

  • Reply Jennifer April 14, 2011 at 7:45 am

    I feel selfish when I ask for joy- like I’m focused on me and my feelings. I know this is a wrong assumption, but I haven’t quite figured out the truth in this area.

  • Reply HisFireFly April 14, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Ask, ask ask!!! Code word for Ask Seek Knock

    He loves to hear us, longs to delight us.

    I needed this reminder today.

  • Reply SWW April 14, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Good stuff!! Thanks for the reminder. But I was tricked by your title. I think it’s misleading. Is it “the joy of asking” or” asking for joy”?

  • Reply Tay April 14, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Time and time again, you manage to write my exact thoughts, Bonnie. Thank you for encouraging me today. I have been struggling with patience, as I am going through a season of waiting in my life…and after reading your post, I realized something. I need to seek God and ask for the ability to become patient.

  • Reply Lindsey van Niekerk April 14, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    I love the comparison between our desire to be pursued by that “special someone” and how God pursues us continuously even when we are unaware.

    “Jesus is wooing us, inviting us to open ourselves up for joy — by wanting it.” – This is precious! What a great reminder!

  • Reply Donna April 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    “He wants me to dare to seek joy — to actually articulate my desire for it.”

    Yes, Bonnie, the Lord does want us to ask…
    I keep a rock in my office with the letters ASK on it – it is a full message reminding me to keep Asking, Seeking and Knocking.

    Thank you for hosting another wonder-full jam session!

  • Reply Katie April 17, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Coming many days late reading this, but oh…. your words and your heart you share with us Bonnie, has struck my heart deeply….

    I am daring to believe with you. And thank you for your encouragement.

  • Reply Nikole Hahn April 18, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Just for the record, I’m one of those who thinks the guy should pursue the woman. It is the woman who initiates those rules and sets dating boundaries. I learned that, too. It is nice to be pursued. Perhaps all of my life I wanted to be pursued dreaming of princes’ climbing into my ivory tower to rescue me; always running from boys and yet looking over my shoulder with the faint hope that he would not give up and continue coming after me as if I meant something to him. In the same way, I guess I treated God that way, too, always running, yet looking over my shoulder in the hopes He would continue to pursue me, not seeing Him all of the time, but when I did I was amazed as a young adult that He still pursued me in spite of what I was doing. And I learned with God how much I loved it when He refused to stop pursuing me and the joy I find in pursuing Him.

    • Reply Angi April 20, 2011 at 1:45 am

      Your comments reminded me of John and Staci Eldredge’s book ‘Captivating’ – isn’t it strange how we find it so hard to really take on board that God really really really DOES love us! I seem to be hearing of his love more and more this Easter…:-)

  • Reply Laura April 21, 2011 at 4:54 am

    I love this, Bonnie. My favorite saying for when times get rough is…Sunday is coming! We wait with joyful expectation. I was able to post this week! Yay. But, I am at work now and our filter won’t let me link up, so I’ll add my link later. Thanks again for all you do for this amazing community. I think you are a joy shepherd.

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