“Am I the best mom? No. But I’m their mom, good and bad. And that’s enough.” ~ Kristen Welch
With so many challenges of parenthood, what does it mean to be the best mom?
I have a confession to make.
I didn’t volunteer at my son’s preschool this winter.
A couple months ago, the school announced that the playground was going to be transformed into a winter wonderland of fun activities celebrating the season.
Parent participation was voluntary.
My five year old’s time at school is sacred. It is the glue that holds me together as a mom, before entering into the hardest, last lap of the day: dinner and bed time. I chop and saute over a hot stove, refereeing two end-of-the-day boys.
Getting us across the finish line requires me to channel expert level creative coaching abilities with super-human patience, to get them to eat their vegetables, take a bath and brush their teeth (When the dentist insisted we floss our two year old’s teeth, I laughed so hard, I thought he was joking. He was serious.).
So unless I see the word MANDATORY, I’ll be politely declining.
Don’t think I’m kicking back at home guilt-free.
Especially on the days I’m tired, I have a list of “Best Mom Shoulds” following me around.
One of Those Days
I had one of those days last week, when TJ shared a confession in between bites at dinner.
“Mom… I felt kinda bad at school. Something happened a long time ago. Winter Week at school.” His comment shot out from left field.
“What happened?” I looked up anxious, thinking some kid at school was bothering him.
“Well, all the other parents were there… I wish you were there.” He ended with a big sigh that slumped his shoulders. My son knows how to work the drama.
I casually dismissed it, saying surely not all the parents were there. They didn’t need every parent there, I explained.
My son accepted my answer and I was relieved. But I didn’t forget that conversation.
I was thoroughly guilt-ridden. I was a terrible mom.
An Idea
I didn’t have a muffin baking mother, but one thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom. Baking these treats is on the “Best Mom Should” list.
As I laid in bed, I got an idea.
I will surprise TJ! I will bake some muffins and bring them to his class as a snack time treat at the end of the week.
As luck would have it, I ended up overbaking them. I was rocking my two year old for his nap and read one story too many.
I rushed down the stairs to the beeping timer. If you’ve baked cupcakes before, you know how finicky they are. One moment they’re wobbly and raw. Another minute too late, they become hard as rocks. Images of children choking on brown cake sawdust popped in my head.
I opened my oven door to two dozen volcano erupted cupcakes. These were not your nice round muffin tops.
Calm down, Bonnie. Icing will cover these babies!
Problem was I never restocked on icing or powdered sugar.
Grossest Thing Ever
Frantic while the muffins cooled, I remembered I still had a few icing “writing” tubes left over from Easter cookies.
With half an hour left and shaky hands, I carefully squeezed thin strings of icing, literally praying they’d last 24 cupcakes.
I put them in a box for transport, woke up grumpy baby and packed them both in the car. Sped away with zero minutes to spare.
I arrived in time, as the pint-sized preschoolers spun around in their seats at the snack tables.
Harried, I opened the box.
I closed the lid too tight. The icing was smashed. I was horrified.
Before I could object, the teachers started passing out the icing challenged sweets.
All the boys started doing the grossest thing ever. They started licking the cakes like ice cream cones.
They LOVED them.
I looked over at my son. He already chomped off the top of his cupcake. He was laughing with his friend, crumbs falling off his chocolate caked teeth.
Our eyes caught across the room.
He loved me.
And that is all the mattered.
Although, some lopsided, color-smeared cupcakes did help a bit that day.
“My son, keep your father’s commandment
and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck.”
~ Proverbs 6:20-22
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What is a best mom quality you appreciated?
If you’re in a season of motherhood, how is God encouraging you to let go of certain “shoulds”?
Pull up a chair. Click to share a comment or subscribe by email.
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** ENTER TODAY’S BOOK GIVEAWAY **
Today’s post is inspired by my friend Kristen Welch, blogger of We Are THAT Family, who is generously giving away TWO copies of her new book today: Don’t Make Me Come Up There! Quiet Moments for Busy Moms.
To Enter: Share a comment by Mother’s Day Sunday, 5/8/2010.
For Extra Entries: Share on Facebook or Twitter and leave an extra comment.
Today’s Bible verse is excerpted from my favorite chapter “The Best Mom” in Kristen’s awesomely encouraging devotional. She made me laugh, lifted my spirits and reminded me that I’m the best mom from God for my kids. Just by being me.
I’m often wary of parenting books, but this one is pure encouragement for everyday mom’s reality. If you’re looking to gift a devotional to yourself or a friend, check it out here.
All sale proceeds of the book go to Kristen’s ministry of love: The Mercy House. The Mercy House is a ministry she and her family dreamed up and now building by faith, to show God’s love to pregnant girls in Kenya, Africa.
29 Comments
Cute story!!
This hit home for me today! So often i am driven by mommy guilt and the unrealistic (and merely perceived) expectations. Trying not to let that drive me — because it usually just drives me crazy!
I love being a Mom! I am now a Grandmom and a step Mom. I would love to share this with my daughter and daughter in laws to encourage them as they raise their families.
Being a mom is the toughest, most wonderful job. Happy Mother’s Day to all!
Blessings,
Shana
I would really love to win this book. I loved your story, and the title of the book is something that I’ve heard in our home quite recently……
Lucky you …you have a school that still allows “home baked” goodies as snacks. Our schools around here do not. I bet the cup cakes were yummy!
Motherhood is the TOUGHEST job ever! Why didn’t college offer a class on that? Parenting…in the home…on the job…maybe an “Internship” with a new mom 101 kind of class. It breaks your heart one moment and fills it up the next.
The quality I most admired in my mom ..and still do ..is just to have her listen! In my day the schools didn’t have as much parent involvement as they do now. When I got home from school I loved having mom there to talk to and tell her about my day. {No TV or other distractions} I try to do that now…really listen to my kids tell about their day, their ups and downs, and what made them laugh. Sometimes my older one shares her struggles of being a soon -to-be 14yr. old and that’s hard…kids can be mean its true.
Every body is so busy these days…if we all could take more time to listen I think we would all be a little better off. 😉
I’d love this book! As a mom of a then little boy ( I was widowed) and stepping into single parenthood for 5 years, and then remarriage and now mom and step mom to 3 teenagers for the past 5 1/2 years…..well, I’m just exhausted thinking about it.
I love this!!! —–“Am I the best mom? No. But I’m their mom, good and bad. And that’s enough.” ~ Kristen Welch
That gives me comfort:)
Wow…that’s exactly how I am too…I have missed quite a few “special” pre-school things, but I recently had the opportunity to go in to work late so that I could attend “Moms & Muffins” at my daughter’s pre-k4 class. To sit in her chair, reading the cards that she made for me, with the fingerprint flower tile and the hand-planted-by-her marigold, and listen as she (with her class) sang Mother’s Day songs to me (and the other moms). My eyes welled up. She kept looking at me, grinning so big and shyly shrugging those shoulders and fidgeting (as always)! That’s my girl…and that’s the reason that I am thankful for my fatigue, for my craziness, my messy house.
I may not be able to attend every school function or be the “best mom” that bakes a jillion cookies perfectly for the class and is ALWAYS dressed to a T and has perfect patience no matter what…But I have my kids, and God made me their mom…and He knows what He is doing, so I trust that I am the best mom for them!
Would love to be entered for the drawing. Thanks for this post! Really perfect timing!
I need that book! Every mom needs it. Who can’t identify with the struggle and desire to be the best mom on the block? Thanks for this post.
Would love this book! As the mom of 3 boys and 1 little girl, with a husband who works out of town, bedtime is a real struggle and those words leave my mouth soooooo often! I want to be so much more than I am, but am so thankful that God has blessed me to be “their mom!”
I also shared this on FB : )
Everyday when I pick up my son from Kindergarten I ask about his day. “Fine,” is the usual response. If I dig for details, he gets frustrated. Yesterday, as my son played outside with my husband, it came out that he’s being bullied by a classmate. I wanted to cry. I should have seen it. I should have pressed harder. I should have known. In reality, I did all I could.
I tweeted! 🙂
I shared on FB 🙂
Oh how I can relate (as I am sure MANY of us can). I think Mama guilt is the biggest of all the guilts! I am a full time working mother of 2 girls (due to my husband’s “unplanned” disability) and it is hard. I have missed alot of “voluntary” events at the school but try to help out or contribute the best that I can. The most important thing is that my girls know that I WANT to be there….and when I CAN be there…it is all about THEM! I love the impromtu talks that happen between us. I love being a mom…mama guilt and all…but it can be exhausting and unpredictable. I am thankful for places like this where we can see that we are not alone. 🙂 Thanks Bonnie!
I think mommy guilt must be universal. This sounds like a great book!
No need to enter me in the giveaway (I’ve already got the book), but just to make all the other moms realize that they aren’t *that* bad, my worst mommy moment:
My daughter was holding her Daddy’s hand at the store and decided to throw a fit. She plopped herself down, letting *all* of her weight fall to the floor. My husband, not expecting this, was still holding onto her hand. She started screaming and throwing an incredible tantrum.
We quickly took her out to the car and gave her a spank for her fit in the store. As I tried to buckle her into her carseat, she kept whining and wouldn’t bend her arm to put it through the strap. I warned her of further discipline when we got home and forced her arm through the strap.
When we got home, she wouldn’t bend her arm to get it out of the strap, and she whined that it hurt.
“I need to go to the doctor,” she said.
(Knowing her tendency to add a dramatic flair to things, I sought to remove the hysterics from the situation)
“Ruby, if i have to take you to the doctor, then there’s a chance you could get a shot. Do you really need to go to the doctor?”
“No, Mommy. I’m sorry.”
When I tried to get her arm out of the strap, she winced and started crying again.
So we went to the hospital. As we entered the doors, she started screaming, “PLEASE DON’T GIVE ME A SHOT! PLEASE DON’T LET THEM GIVE ME A SHOT!”
With fire-engine red cheeks and face flushed with shame, I got her registered and waited for the doctor on call.
He elbow as dislocated. In my irritation, I had shoved her dislocated arm in and out of carseat straps. On top of that, I had threatened her with a shot when she was honestly telling me that she needed help. 🙁
I learned a lot from that experience, but it still makes me cringe to this day. 🙁
Being a mom is way more than I ever thought, especially now that I am a mom to 3 young children & juggling a part time job! I think one of the biggest “shoulds” for me is stopping to surrender each day to God so that I can be the mom He created me to be. And that is,tough! I have to laern to let go of all the little things &my own agenda & just be mom, even if that means my home is a mess, dinner isnt ready, &someone is out of clean clothes because I can’t keep up!! And I wouldnt trade it for anything else!!
As a Mum I loved volunteering at the schools or whatever events my children were involved in….every Mom needs encouragement and this book sounds absolutely wonderful….my one daughter is a single Mom of two and my other daughter is expecting her first…..I would love to share this book with both of them.
My mom was almost unflappable. I love that. I am so not. And right now, due any day with baby number three and two little boys to corral, I have more horrible-mom-feeling days than good-mom days. I struggle to believe that just being me, the in-process-so-imperfect me is really enough. I would LOVE to read this book. And I think my sister, who is parenting 7 active children, would love it too!
Love this story. I’m not at the school stage yet but I just recently, finally quit my full time job to be home with my three year old (and new baby to come in July) so I too feel like I’ve missed a lot. I worked a high stress job for 13 years and after only 5 weeks at home I’m convinced: Motherhood is the hardest job ever! Would love to win this book. Sounds like it would be very encouraging. Thanks!
My favorite characteristic of my own mother is that I have always known that she loves and values me. We had the typical growing-up struggles, but even in that, my mom displayed great love to me.
The quality I most admire in moms is the ability to present in the moment with their kids. I’m a full-time working mom of three year old twins and I’m slowly learning how to really pay attention to them rather than just yelling orders, especially at those high-stress times (before drop-off and the dreaded dinner/bath/bedtime run). A few weeks ago, we were running late to get to school and I shouted some command or another. My daughter heaved a sigh that moved her shoulders up and down and said: “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What?” I asked.
She walked over to me, put a hand on my arm, and said in her best “constructive feedback” voice: “Look. You’re a little bossy, buster. Okay?”
“Okay,” I said, stunned. She patted me consolingly and said “It’s okay to be a little bit bossy. Just not THAT bossy, all the time.”
Now we have agreed that we can switch off turns at being the boss.
My best mom quality was the way she listened to me. She didn’t jump in too quickly with her own comments. She patiently let me talk. After she died, I missed that listening ear so very much.
Nope, I’m not the best mom ever, but I’m trying to do the best job I can at it. I do blow my top in frustration, I do lose my cool. I don’t keep everything done, tripping over toys, looking through the pile of laundry on the couch, being scared of what’s growing in the fridge – that is to be expected at our house! There are seven of us making messes everyday, but not always seven doing cleanup. Through all of you I am learning that I don’t have to be perfect, and that is okay. I have to do the best job I can. It’s not just for me and my crew, it’s for Him and His glory. He has entrusted me with all of these things, these gifts, and I just need to love them and care for them as long as I have them. That is my job. All of this I can do because He believes in me so much that this is what He has given to me as my to do list for today. He has also given me you, for encouragement, strength, endurance and so much more. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for being there for me!
Deo Volente – Have a blessedly beautiful day!!
I am not a mom, but grew up in a large family and have helped often with my nieces and nephews. I just love the realness of this story and other entries I have read from the book – Don’t Make Me Come Up There. Would love to read the whole thing and share with my sisters.
Hey, I dislike volunteering at school so much I kept the kids out of the classroom and now homeschool. Yeah, not sure that it was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever done, but they help me bake cupcakes to perfection. Cheers to that frosting
I’ve heard great things about this book.
Along with so many other mothers, I’m plagued by guilt for not being “enough,” too. I have to remind myself that God called me to my children’s mother, and He knows what He’s doing, even when I don’t.
Thank you for this kind opportunity!
Dear Sisters I have never met. I read these postings late at night and remember back when I had babies. We had three 21 months apart-all in diapers for six months-no disposables then. I heard myself in so many of your “need to be perfect” comments. If I could go back and change my thinking on anything it would be that lie. In the words of Rev Steve Brown, expected perfection for a mom is a lie from the pit of hell and it smells of smoke. Our children don’t need or want perfect moms. They just need loving ones. Put your time and effort into reading that story first and let the dishes wait. Stories make memories to last a lifetime.