{Photo by Dawn Camp}

I was fine until I had to board a small plane connecting me from Charlotte, South Carolina to Hilton Head Island.

As I climbed up onto the unfolded stairway up into the body of the plane, I felt the weight of my baggage — laptop case hanging heavy on one shoulder and green bag slung on the other side — squeak and shake under it’s load.

My boarding pass told me I was in seat number 9B. That’s interesting. I bought coach. Why am I seated in the front?

It turns out the tiny plane I buckled myself into ends at row 12. I was seated in the back of the plane.

As the plane started taking off on the runway, shaking me with engines roaring underneath, I glanced out my window. I could actually see the propellers of the plane spinning.

I shut my eyes tight, gulped some air and held my breath.

This is not right.  I am not supposed to see parts of an airplane this close.

Voices That Rattle

I didn’t know it at the time.  But my stomach-turning flight was the perfect way for me to arrive last week at DaySpring‘s Beach Retreat for their (in)courage writers.

I have been living a comfortable, safe life up to this point.  I was hurt very badly in community. To heal, God led me into a season of faith, cocooned in layers of fall and winter.

You wouldn’t have been able to tell from the outside that I was wounded.  I was highly functioning, manager of delivering high tech products, being responsible with friends and family.  Getting things done.

But inside, I had retreated into the safe places.

Quiet anonymity.

Much of the trauma had been around friendships. 

Isn’t that the core of our woundings?  Relationship?

The experience of relational hurt is a lot like that bumpy ride I had to sit through —

We believe we have a place of importance, up front in someone’s life or in the life of a community.  All of a sudden, we find ourselves in the back of the plane so to speak, where we didn’t expect.

We learn that when we get close to others, we become vulnerable.  Like the propellers twirling shadows onto the runway, we open up our lives during the choppy rides, as well as our hopes as we chase our dreams upward.

Like engines rattling inside, the voices that have hurt us in those open-heart moments of trial or joy can feel unabating.

Those voices may include our family of origin — our critics — our fears — and even ourselves.

Let me tell you, they speak louder once you dare to fly out and journey to a new place of healing.

They will shout at you and tell you to stay where you are.

They tell you that you are too wounded to be a friend.  Too hurt to find friendship.

Don’t listen to them.

Get up and go.

The Voice of a Forever Friend

You and I were made for relationship.

Part of the beauty of the Garden of Eden was continuous connection, first with God, then with others.  Before God created friendship, He brought everything beautiful before hand, calling blue skies and the wild green lush of shade to usher in community

The connection with others starts and ends with the Voice of Jesus, the Faithful Friend who always whispers, “Come.  I will give you rest.”

How do I find rest in community, when my heart is fighting to hold back?  I asked Jesus.

Jesus answered,

“Follow my lead.  It is time for you to enter more deeply into my rest — by entering community.“

God’s answer for rest is sometimes an external season of silence and solitude.

This is where I learned —

My true place of safety was with Jesus.

Jesus in me is rest.

Then, there comes a time we are called to launch out in relationship, with the Voice of Jesus nestled deep inside as our rest.

Is Jesus calling you to rest through depending on Him — by entering into community?

Challenge Yourself:  Open Yourself To Friendship

Last week, in the backdrop of a beautiful beaches on Hilton Head and the grace-filled women I write alongside at (in)courage, I challenged myself to enter more deeply into community.

Here are 10 Ways I Opened My Heart To Friendship — and what they brought me:

#1.  Confess your insecurities.

{Photo by Lisa Leonard}

Lunch was the first group gathering and banana pudding was an exciting event for everyone.  Inside, a voice was saying, “You’re an outsider.” Isn’t that silly. Just an innocent dessert, stirring up non-sense.

I admitted out loud that I never had banana pudding, even though everyone was oohing and aahing over this well-loved Southern dessert.

When the jar of yummy yellow was passed around, Lysa turned to me and smiled, “You gotta dig deep and get the cookie.  That’s the good part.”  I scooped deep and put the most delicious first bite of sweetness into my mouth.  Then, I giggled.

#2.  Go barefoot and Get 1-1.

Open your heart & Get 1-1

Sharing 1-1 time and praying fosters friendship to grow.

Spending time alone with God in whitespace is my comfort zone.  So, I invited my friend Holley to walk with me in the moonlight, then enjoyed a time of prayer together.  When we first met in person, sharing and prayer were the first things we did. And it has opened up a heaven-sent friendship, even though I’d never been to Arkansas where she lives.

Here’s a picture of us Dawn snapped while we caught up in stitches, overjoyed about our God-sized dreams.

#3.  Practice grace by being with others — as you are.

Grace, it’s like flying out of the cage

It’s a gift to be yourself with others, as you are.  It frees others to let their hair down and enjoy the moment.

When I woke up the first morning, I didn’t know if people were having breakfast spiffed up or in just-woken-up mode.  I decided to do what I do at home and mozied on over to the kitchen in PJs.  The first person I saw was fully dressed ready-to-go. I heard some new friends just arriving.  I blurted, “Oh, no! I’m in my PJs!”

I made a jolt back to the bedroom, when Lisa called out to me, “It’s okay!  I’m in my PJs!”  Lisa was like sunshine and made me feel right at home. So, I sauntered over to make coffee and went to hug some new friends in my rainbow striped PJs.

#4.  Ask Someone about Her Story.

{Photo by Dawn Camp}

Over the course of the next few days, I looked for opportunities to ask my new friends to share their story and just listen.  They turn out to be rich times of friendship, even if it’s for a moment.  There is a sweet beauty in enjoying someone’s journey of faith and being able to hold it lightly. It’s like taking a walk on the beach and letting the smell of salt and sand linger each time you recall the waves.  There is nothing quite like hearing a friend’s voice dip, like seeing Ann’s eyes close, when her story gets deep and beautiful.

#5.  Tell Your Story & Keep It Real

Give a glimpse of your real self and make a friend

When you have a chance, share your story.  Where you are at. Where you’ve been.

You don’t have to tell the War and Peace version, but give glimpses that are authentic. Your real story is a welcome mat to the person, inviting them in turn to tell theirs to you.

One evening, as I offered a glimpse into my story, I asked Tsh if she knew where I was coming from.  Her eyes got soft and as she began sharing, I received a gift of her story of soul care that brought me more wholeness and encouragement, having heard her journey.

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A heart-felt thank you goes to DaySpring and to Jessica Gardo from Hilton Head Island Chamber of Commerce who hosted the (in)courage bloggers for a respite of dreaming, prayers and friendship. Keep Resort Rentals of Hilton Head Island in mind if you’re looking for a special family vacation. They generously provided beautiful beach front accommodations, while DaySpring took care of everything else.

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How is God calling you to open your heart for friendship?

What is holding you back?

Pull up a chair. I enjoy company and quietly read and reply to comments.Click to share a comment or subscribe by email.

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Next Thursday’s Topic 9/22: Autumn Reflections: Reflect on your journey of faith as you enter into the autumn season. (psst. The first day of fall lands on Friday, 9/23/11.)

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