“Where you are most human, most yourself, weakest, there Jesus lives.” ~ Henri Nouwen.
Every now and then, Hubby and I make a drive to San Francisco to scrunch ourselves elbow to elbow for fresh baked croissants at Tartine Bakery.
It’s one place I’ve found that brings me back to France, just for a moment.
One day, as I was balancing my pastry, standing up against a counter, I noticed the guy next to me was wearing a cool T-shirt (hubby was next to me).
The shirt pictured a guy unable to get to his heart in a vending machine. Love, like a Snicker’s Bar stuck in the twirly thingamajig, hung in the balance.
Learning to forgive has felt the same.
My honest efforts to forgive those who have hurt me sometimes fall short of reach.
In place of forgiveness, my soul would struggle with self-guilt. I’d pretend I was untouched by old wounds. I was fine.
I’ve been learning that forgiveness doesn’t come from a vending machine called prayer.
Forgiveness is a continuing reminder for us to pray — to grieve, to heal — each time our wounds ache.
Truth Be Told
Is forgiveness a one time act of conviction?
If I forgave, I wouldn’t be angry any more. I wouldn’t be so hurt.
Truth be told, all I really wanted was to forget.
The forgiveness God offers isn’t amnesia of the past.
Forgiveness frees us to be honest about what we’ve lost, so God can comfort us in the moment.
Forgiveness frees us to grieve.
A New Practice
When painful feelings surface from old wounds I honestly believe I forgave, I used to beat myself up for failing to forgive.
As I prayed and read the Bible to find God’s view on the matter, my soul was soothed.
Jesus was right there next to me, comfortable and at ease with my frailty, loving me.
The truth is that even though I have forgiven, it doesn’t mean I’m done grieving.
I began a new practice whenever old wounds felt fresh.
I used my sadness and anger as triggers to invite God into places I was still hiding my true feelings.
In turn, those moments have unearthed new levels of intimacy with Jesus. It’s kept me vulnerable and real with God and others.
Tender Places
If your soul is aching for some relief on forgiveness, I’d like to encourage you today:
Stay in those hard places and have a conversation with God about it.
Talk out loud as you take a walk alone outside.
Or write God a very long letter.
For the really tender places, I would spend some uninterrupted time with my head bowed in silence and turn my palms upward. I become a child ready to simply receive God’s grace and understanding.
To practice forgiveness the way Jesus calls us to, we are inviting God to enter into our pain — a place of faith.
Forgiveness, after all, was never meant to be robotic.
That’s why God gives us faith.
(After Jesus told the disciples forgiveness
needs to happen seven times seven times a day…)
“The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith !”
The Lord said, “If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and be planted in the sea ‘; and it would obey you.” Luke 17:5-7
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What have you found in your journey to forgive?
Pull up a chair. Click to share a comment.
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16 Comments
Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves! Rev Charles Stanley has a wonderful book and CDs on forgiveness which will give you a new perspective. I highly recommend them. He is the pastor of First Baptist Church in Atlanta, GA and his website is called In Touch Ministries. God bless you!
This is a great post, Bonnie. I’ve mourned the haunting of the events and the remembering, and feared I had not and was not forgiving. Your words turn me away from guilt and around to Jesus to grieve. Thank you.
Never quite thought of it that way. I”ve been hurt way too many times and I know I need to forgive, but it’s so so hard. Can’t quite go on the long walk with God tonight, but I also know what I need to do tonight also.
Thanks for a grace-filled, honesty-inspiring post, Bonnie. I love the picture of God being comfortable with our frailty.
wonderfull, peace inspiring words.
An additional thought: I have “done good to those who persecute” a couple of times, although the hurt in a couple of cases was very deep. What caught me by surprise was the soothing and healing of pain in my own heart as I obeyed these words of God! Truly, momentary struggle is worth the freedom and peace it brings–even with those who continue to hurt us.
In the process of forgiving, usually the pain, the anger, and the negative emotions becomes intense. Sometimes, i would just cry until the pain i feel has been released. It is an effort. But i do believe, i am commanded to forgive–to forgive the father that abandoned his child.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerable places in forgiving.
In my journey of forgiveness, I find it’s a process. Old feelings come up, but they have less and less effect. I keep taking it to Him in prayer as many times as I need to. No more beating myself up. I just keep choosing to forgive each time it’s “there” again. Prayer always wins over thinking on it and letting play over and over in my mind.
I also found that forgiving doesn’t mean the relationship is restored…or it might. There were instances where we both forgave each other, but chose to move on without each other. It was for the best. Other times, the relationship grew stronger.
I’m so glad you shared this Bonnie. You always dig deeper and it makes my soul stronger.
Oh my, how this words hit the mark this morning. I have a tension headache right now and I know it is because I am holding things in I need to really let go of. I convinced myself I had forgiven, I keep telling myself I have, but why do I feel something inside that tells me I haven’t let it go just yet? Bonnie, thank you and bless you for the comment “prayer is not a vending machine” As I read that sentence it resonated in my heart and rang true about my situation. Now I can pray and talk to God about it, but I have to let Him handle it when I’m done, I know I can’t. I can’t thank you enough this morning.
“Forgiveness is a continuing reminder for us to pray — to grieve, to heal — each time our wounds ache.”–oh. YES!
It’s the mourning. The grieving. Moments for raw, honest, intimacy with our True Father.
This truth spoke to me today–the grieving moments are such Grace-full opportunities to share our hearts; it’s when He invites us to dig deeper at ourselves and lay bare next to Him, learning to trust in His acceptance of even our feelings. All. Is. Grace.–TRULY!
Thank you! I needed the reminder that grieving may not be done even if I have forgiven. My prayer often has been God forgive through me because I don’t know how. And even harder is forgiving myself for my own mistakes.
I’ll come back later tonight and write my jam.
Thank you! I needed the reminder that grieving may not be done even if I have forgiven. My prayer often has been God forgive through me because I don’t know how. And even harder is forgiving myself for my own mistakes.
Hey. I linked to your site from Laura Boggess’ site Playdates at the Wellspring. This is my first visit here. I really liked this piece about forgiveness. It is sooooo hard sometimes, and sooooo liberating. But, like you pointed out, sometimes we have to admit that we haven’t completely given something over. I like your suggestion to invite God in to the place where it still hurts, especially when we don’t want to admit it.
Blessings,
Kathy
Bonnie, Thank you for this wonderful post. It’s printed out & now resides in my VIPIDWF book: my “very important posts I don’t want to forget” Thanks for pouring your heart out this month – you’ve definitely been feeding our souls some great food 🙂
Forgiveness is a gift that allows us to move past the history of our life and move forward in to what God has for us. At the same time it gives us tools to understanding and reaching out to others. Depending on the event and people involved, forgiveness can be instantaneous or it is a journey we must walk taking time. No one but God can know the length of that journey. To forgive is not always the healing of wounds. It is the, sometimes, beginning of the grieving period. To allow God to come in to those areas one step at a tiime to love us to wholeness. Thank you for pointing the fact out that forgiveness is not healing. A step to be sure but there is more work to be done at the hand of our Father.
I appreciated your comment that our prayers aren’t like a vending machine getting hung up some place but that God hears them and knows just what we need! I just signed up for your posts and have enjoyed all of them. Thank you for sharing your life and others with us!
May God Bless You Abundantly!
Thank you Bonnie for an honest look at the hard work of forgiveness and grieving the hurts that created the need to forgive.
The Art of Forgiving by Lewis Smedes is a thin paperback that is thick with wisdom and compassion. I read it several years ago and found it very helpful. One of the points he makes is that it takes courage to truly forgive because one has to identify what the offense was and that can be very hard. It takes courage to face into pain and call it what it is. You alluded to this in your post.
Forgiveness is a process and it seems like you are on the journey toward greater healing with Jesus as your companion.
Thank you for sharing so honestly.