Bonnie Gray
  • Blog
  • Soul Care Quiz
  • Podcast
  • Books
    • See All Bonnie Gray Books and Resources
    • Breathe: 21 Ways to Stress Less
    • Sweet Like Jasmine
    • Whispers of Rest Book
    • Finding Spiritual Whitespace
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Contact

{ Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance

By Bonnie Gray • February 9, 2012 • 32 Comments

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~ Pablo Picaso

Three different pharmacies. In less than an hour.

Two-year-old CJ caught a case of a bad cold this week, bordering on pneumonia. I was on the hunt, trying to get some over-the-counter remedy for the little guy.   Turns out they don’t sell what I was looking for anymore. But I found something else instead.

My search for medicine brought me walking through an explosion of Valentine cards, words and love-dovey products.  The celebration of love is in full swing.

As I passed by the greeting card aisle, I stopped to look over the Valentine’s Day cards.  The selection was thin. Most of the “Husband” cards talked about how hard the he worked and how daily life is so busy.

I decided to check out the “Love” section.  These read much more romantic.

A Sign

Reading all the mushy gushy sentiments brought me back to those first dates with Hubby.  Romantic with never enough time to finish our conversations.  I was surprised by his attention and even more so by my attraction to him, since I seriously thought I had the gift of singleness.  It’s not that I didn’t want to fall in love. But, since I was blowing out thirty candles not having found “the one”, I had to practically consider the possibility. I made up my mind to be joyfully content and live the best single life possible.

Then one Friday night, he walked in as a visitor to our 30’s singles group at church. It’s often said that mature love grows and we mustn’t rely on our feelings.  But, you know what?  I have always been emotionally open and bare with God.  If I was gonna marry, I wanted someone who reflected this aspect of God.  I wasn’t going to settle for anything less than emotionally available and affectionate.

I played it very carefully because once I gave my heart away, I couldn’t do it piece-meal.

I played it so safe, I over played it.

He thought I wanted to be just friends.

Uh-oh. It was time.  I needed to give him a sign.

Guess what I did?  I went to a candy store, sampled the bins and made little packets of gummy bears, malt balls, yogurt covered pretzels, chocolate raisins and other sweet treats.  Then, I wrote a little note, drove over to his apartment and placed it on his doorstep.

I giggle now, remembering how I nervously waited for the phone to ring that evening.

Here I am, tired after a day of being koala wrapped by CJ, with an afternoon still left with both boys.  But, something curious happened as an idea hit me.

I wanted to flirt with remembrance. I escaped into a plan to unwrap love with Hubby — for no reason, other than “I like you.”

I gave the kids one more TV show than usual, got the place tidied up, got the kids fed earlier — for an earlier bedtime.

Remember…

When Hubby came home, he had had a tough day.  I was drained too.  But,  after Hubby and I put the kids to bed, I dashed off out, claiming I needed to do one last grocery run.

I bought a mix of candy, tip-toed into the kitchen, and quietly cut out a simple valentine — using a few squeezes of glue, a pair of scissors and a red crayon.  I poured it into a container and lit a candle next to it.

“Honey,” I mentioned as casually as I could. “I left something on the kitchen counter. Would you mind grabbing it for me?”

He came back with big boyish grin.

“Remember the candy I dropped off just for you?” I smiled.

We immediately went back in a time machine, just him and I.

Before the wrinkles from sleep deprivation.

Before we had to worry about the economy.

Before we had two little boys and parenting became an everyday reality.

Before there was love, we liked.

We flirted.

As the world counts down to hearts and roses this week — bring yourself back to the place where you were just his girl.

And he was just your guy.

What you say matters to him deeply.

Eve was cut out of Adam’s rib.  You have the amazing power to love that part of him that no one can reach.

Think back on how you smothered him with affection, that lets him know he is special.  No matter how crazy life gets — especially when I get stressed — I love escaping to that place of being the beloved. Where both him and I are safe.

I think of ways to invite Hubby to return there with me.  As wives, we can take the lead.

Do you remember how you first flirted or showered affection on your guy?

Everyone’s story is different.  Our love languages are unique too.

Touch — Did you hug and snuggle, linked hands as he drove, or encircled your arms around him?

Time — Or maybe you walked your way into his heart by spending time doing stuff your special guy loves?

Acts of Service — Are you the kind of girl that likes to bake or cook your affection?

Words of Affirmation — Did you write, email, or text him sweet nothings that would make your friends cringe?

Gifts — Did you buy him little somethings that let him know you were thinking of him?

gottmanmarriage

One of my favorite books on marriage was given to us by our friends Mike and Sally, a godly couple who has enjoyed over 40 years of wedded bliss: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.  He studied and followed over 600 newlywed couples since 1972 to find common ingredients in the successful marriages that avoided divorce.

You’d think things like “common interests” or “absence of conflict and arguments” topped the list.  They didn’t even make the list.

“Fondness and admiration can be fragile unless you remain aware of how crucial they are to the friendship… the core of any good marriage….The simple reason is that fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt.”

Gottman found that 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history were likely to have a happy future.

So, take the time to splurge on your guy.

Go ahead, flirt with remembrance.

This Valentine’s week, give both you and your spouse the gift of remembrance.

Don’t wait until the 14th.  Set the mood now.

Make it simple.

Bring him back to that place when your story as a couple first began.

My guess is that you’ll find yourself beloved there as well.

“Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man” Genesis 2:22

~~~~~

Wanna venture out?  Share a sign you gave when your story as a couple began?

What are your ideas to flirt with remembrance to unwrap love?

Pull up a chair. We promise not to tell. Give us some ideas…. Click to share a comment..

~~~~~

*** NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN — LINK UP IN THE FAITH JAM ***

Faith Barista Jam Thursdays – Every Thursday, I serve up a topic of faith, you write the post and link up.

Place the Faith Jam Badge in your post. It’s a welcome sign for our community. Grab the HTML Code. Thanks!

HTML Code For February’s Faith Jam Faith Fresh Badge

 

Share your post by clicking the blue button below: “Add Your Link”. (Subscribers: click here to get there directly).

*Next Thursday’s 2/9/12 Topic: * How are you Unwrapping Love?

*This Thursday’s 2/16/12 Writing Prompt: * Vulnerable

Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real.

An InLinkz Link-up



It’s a jam session. Say hi & drop a comment and make a faith friend when you visit the community faith blends!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** Don’t miss! ** If you are new to Faith Barista, I’d like welcome you here.Click to subscribe by email and get each post in this series served up hot and fresh directly in your mailbox.

 

love

Share With Others

Share Your Voice

Pull up a Chair

This is a quiet space for you and me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Click to comment »

32 Comments

Get Faith Shots

Get each post served up hot and fresh in your mailbox.

[newsletter_signup_form id=0]

Your One Word For 2012 Matters
{ Unwrapping Love } God's Love Notes: One Word is All It Takes

Connect with Me

Bonnie Gray

Welcome to Faith Barista – a blog that serves up shots of faith for everyday life. Posts brewed hot & fresh. Hang out. Swap some stories.

You Might Also Like

  • Never Been Kissed: When You Wonder If You’ll Ever Find “The One”

  • How to Choose Joy When Joy Seems Easy for Others But Hard for You

  • What A Vet Taught Me About My Personal Battles (10 Lessons From Vietnam)

  • If You’re Stressed About The Election: God’s 5 Powerful Promises To Encourage You

32 Comments

  • Reply joseph cantone February 9, 2012 at 3:55 am

    what a great blog! unfortunately this will seem radical to so many women who
    are waiting for their husbands to do the same thing. if you reach out with these
    very simple but loving expressions you are going to get it all back and more.
    men need this too. too bad you couldnt finish the story and tell us how the rest
    of the night went LOL. u got it right, dont lose it.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 8:04 am

      Oh, we’ve got some radical sisters here at Faith Barista! 🙂 Check out the stories the girls have slipped in, loving on their men!

  • Reply Amy Hunt February 9, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Flirt with remembrance…don’t wait for the 14th! I so much appreciate this! (and so would my groom!) We’re not big on Valentine’s Day (or even our anniversary, to be honest)–because, we {try} to do this every day. Or, as frequently as imperfect humans can. Your reminder is important all the time, and I’m glad for your post today!

    Rich blessings on your partnership and companionship found in your groom.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 7:48 am

      Aw. You’re an everyday romantic, Amy. 🙂 btw, I love the title of your post “pulling back the curtain on me.”

  • Reply Shelly Miller February 9, 2012 at 4:33 am

    Love the idea of flirting with remembrance because looking back propels us forward. So healthy to remember how God shaped us along the way. We often talk about how our first date was so bad, both having just left bad relationships, and the friendship that ensued between us first because we were cautious. We have been best friends ever since! Thanks for the encouragement and ideas!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 7:51 am

      Sweet Shelly, so beautiful your love story beginning — love blossoming transforming two cautious hearts into best friends for life!

  • Reply Lisa Tarpley February 9, 2012 at 5:30 am

    The first time I met my husband, his Mother introduced us. Funny, I know, but she had the impression that my husband was shy and needed some encouragement to date. She had it wrong. He took the lead from the get go. After our first meeting, he showed up at my work to surprise me as I was getting off. That started our “surprise” show ups to each other. I would show up and greet him as he was coming out of his classes or just as he was going to his job. Just to give him a big hug and kiss to start his day. he would do the same to me. Being apart during the week makes it a little tougher to really show love by touch, but we are learning to show love through our words to each other. So this Friday, when I get off work, I’m headed to where he is (he works out of town during the week) and I’m going to surprise him with a cooked dinner and a basket of candy (he loves). I can’t wait. It’s just one more day, right?!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 7:55 am

      Lisa!!! *SQUEAL* I love your surprise! And so, so sweet how you both “surprised” each other into love and affection in your beginning — and even now (swoon). *high five* girlfriend — blessings to you & your guy!

  • Reply Donnajnew February 9, 2012 at 6:18 am

    This was so sweet. I’m not married but I enjoyed going back to the day you left him the candy and how much it still means now. Just so romantic.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 7:57 am

      Aw. Donna — So sweet to have girlfriends online to share with… psst… Here’s a Valentine for you, sister. I’m dropping off a virtual blueberry cupcake on your doorstep this morning, just for you. 🙂

      • Reply Donnajnew February 9, 2012 at 9:50 am

        I’ll be waiting. =) you make me smile!

  • Reply Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates February 9, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Bonnie, I got the giggles reading your post. I guess I am an “acts of service” girl. Early in our relationship, my husband was living in Seattle and I was in Minneapolis. We saw each other three times between deciding to date (on the eve of his departure) and our engagement (the day after he returned). I overnighted him a package of fresh bread, agates picked from Lake Superior, and a gallon size bag of ginger snaps. In return, he sent me a 36 pound rock from the ocean, with pock marks filled with tiny shells. It probably cost more to ship that thing than my engagement ring! 🙂 To this day, those three things – bread, rocks, and ginger snaps – say “love” like nothing else, no matter how expensive. Thanks for the trip down memory lane! I took a different tack on the faith jam but wanted to share my flirting story here.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 8:01 am

      Oh Gen, you made me tear — I have never read a story of a ROCK that was SO romantic!! You must write that down for your kids! I LOVE your flirting story. You two were made for each other. btw, *high five* on your gifts of bread and ginger snaps. 🙂 I still remember how you loved on me with your sweet gift of PJs! (thank u!) You’ve got that love language gift in SPADES.

  • Reply Beth Werner Lee February 9, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Wow, what a good idea Bonnie! Thank you for sharing story and application. I was caught by the truth in the words, put a positive spin on their marriage’s history because of course we can tell the story either way. What if the story of salvation just ended at the cross? Oh well, he was a wonderful guy, Jesus. Too bad he died. We don’t remember what it was all about and now he’s gone. No, Jesus’ love went through the cross to the resurrection and we can tell the story minimizing the pain or knowing the pain leads to the redemption, is not purposeless. So we can choose to tell the story of ups and downs in marriage for the glory of God and rejoice in the resurrection power, or we can get bogged down in all the pains.
    Now, to think of how to gift my hubby…!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 8:03 am

      Beth! You are a.m.a.z.i.n.g — how you intertwine Jesus’ love story with us into this tale of flirting and romance. Just a gift with words, you have sister! Thank you for this wonderful Valentine treat of words!

  • Reply on unwrapping love, and caring about the packaging. « inspiration-driven life February 9, 2012 at 8:46 am

    […] Linking up with Bonnie at Faith Barista, sharing my thoughts on “unwrapping love.” […]

  • Reply Ann February 9, 2012 at 8:55 am

    Hey, Bonnie
    Loved the post! It’s so funny that back in your single days you felt compelled to give your man a sign because he thought you just wanted to be friends. That happened to me too! It had been a year since I had seen him and he called me out of the blue. We met, but I was kind of reserved and careful, like you said you were. He took it that I wasn’t interested. After a week and he didn’t call, I stepped out of my comfort zone and called him to invite him to a superbowl party. After the party he walked me to my door and I gave him a quick kiss. Message received. That was 26 years ago – we just celebrate our 25th anniversary! Thanks for stopping by my blog earlier this week!

    In His love, Ann

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 9:26 am

      Ann!! That is hilarious! love it, love it, LOVE it! Sounds like we were both the same… CAUTIOUS. LOL!!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 9:28 am

      Oh, and HAPPY 25TH anniversary, friend! You still sound so in love — like it happened yesterday! 🙂 Blessings on another beautiful year together!

  • Reply Courtney February 9, 2012 at 8:56 am

    This is such a cute story. Thanks for the inspiration, Bonne! My husband has been working so hard lately. I need to take the lead and help us both remember when it was just the two of us. Seems like so long ago! Great post.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 9, 2012 at 9:30 am

      Totally, Courtney. Our hubbies ARE working so hard. (And us mommies of two boys are working hard too!) I like how you put it — little reminders to bring us back to when it was “just to two of us”. Happy brainstorming! 🙂

  • Reply Love Packages « Highheartedly February 9, 2012 at 9:09 am

    […] shared about the Five Love Languages in her post today, and while I really enjoy the concept and the awareness it has brought to people of different […]

  • Reply tinuviel February 9, 2012 at 10:03 am

    A positive spin on our marriage’s history– that’s something I need to hang onto. We have had enough stretching and brokenness that sometimes that’s the loudest part of the memories. In this post I feel God nudging me to remember and to edit the tone of my remembrances to focus on the joys and the good out of the yucky.

    We fell in love in a book club. Coffee/tea and great literature. Although I also believed I had the gift of singleness, with that combo I was doomed. Oh, and also worshiping together in chapel at seminary. Yep, doomed. 🙂

    This is such a beautiful, encouraging post. I’m not sure how I’ll act on it, but you’ve got me thinking. May God keep you growing in fondness and admiration for your husband. May He richly refresh and bless you in your Valentine’s Day celebration. Grace to you in the Lord Jesus Christ, dear sister.

  • Reply Jennifer February 9, 2012 at 10:19 am

    🙂 So sweet!

  • Reply Julie Sunne February 9, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    This is a great post, Bonnie! I once made tiny homemade heart-shaped candies that fit inside a larger (again homemade) milk chocolate heart to serve to my hubby and kids. They loved it! I’m exhausted to do that this year–I think I’ll steal your idea.
    For my link-up post, I went in quite a different direction with love. I “love” the variety of posts in these jams. Thanks for the opportunity!

  • Reply Sandra Heska King February 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    Love this, Bonnie.

    Back in the day we used to rehearse our meeting and early dates on our anniversary. We’ve gotten away from that–probably because 40 years is a lot to remember. But I think this sounds like a good exercise this week. Maybe drag out all our old albums. And I’m going to fix what used to be his favorite dinner–swiss steak, mashed potatoes, lima beans. Black licorice is his fav, too. But he buys his own from Cracker Barrel. 🙂

  • Reply Jeri Taira February 9, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    This is post had me feeling like it was first love all over again. I love the life in this post. It all feels new again. Just what I’ve been praying for…fresh and new. Thank You Bonnie.

    A sign I gave:
    He took me to a business meeting. I flat out asked Him why he offered to take me. Wouldn’t you know, it was just as friends. But he said the moment I asked him that question, something changed and He just knew. So did I. We were married 4 months later.

    Flirting with remembrance to unwrap love:
    It’s our 17th Valentine’s Day together so I’m thinking of some ideas to bring a freshness to this 14th. You have me thinking of finding an old photo or card and adding it in the mix with the new ideas.

  • Reply Caroline February 9, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Such a sweet post, Bonnie! Those little acts can help us remember such love, can’t they? Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply Sheryl February 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    So, so, so, so sweet, Bonnie!

    I often watch how my married friends interact. Those who still flirt with each other, who still light up when the other walks into the room, who use pet names, who put their spouse in an honored position over their children–those are the ones who seem healthiest and happiest.

  • Reply Dee February 11, 2012 at 1:22 am

    Sweet story…sweet memories….and yes I have them, too. Yours brings tears of joy to my eyes…and gives me ideas for my love also. Take care…God does bless!!!

  • Reply Alecia February 13, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Remembering the way we once were, helps fan the flames. Talking and laughing about our courtship “before kids” helps us to keep the “us” connection, so that long after the kids are grown and moved out there is still an “us.”
    Monthly date nights with just the two of us are great too!! They keep that ‘dating’ feeling going so that we can go home and be better parents.
    I don’t think there is any greater gift we can give our children than one of mom and dad loving each other well and displaying that love for their children to see in a healthy way, so they can grow up to love their spouses well too.

  • Reply Greater Joy « Highheartedly February 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

    […] about Unwrapping Love with Bonnie Gray gave me this idea: A gift for a friend, who’s secret name from God is […]

Leave a Reply Cancel Reply

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.

SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG

Sign up to refresh your soul with God’s love and rest. I’ll send you encouragement to nurture your heart and wellbeing. I’ll cheer you on!

SUBSCRIBE NOW»

Pull up a chair. Refresh your soul. Be inspired with soul care, stories & encouragement here. Breathe. This is a quiet space to swap some stories. Share your journey. Be the beloved. Be you. Serving up shots of faith for everyday life.
Bonnie Gray

“Bonnie has often led the way to freedom and truth by going there first herself. Her ability to invite us in as readers into our own stories only makes this world a better, more healed place.” 

– Annie F. Downs, New York Times bestselling author of That Sounds Fun

“If you’ve ever been weary and needed room to breathe, then Bonnie Gray is the guide you’ve been looking for as you journey with Jesus to a new place of peace and freedom in your life.” 

Holley Gerth, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Powerful Power of Introverts

Order Now »

LISTEN TO BONNIE’S BREATHE PODCAST

VOTED 2022 CHRISTIAN BOOK AWARD FINALIST BY ECPA

“In a world crying out for kindess and belonging, this is a book needed for our times. Sweet Like Jasmine is a gift, a beautiful remembrance, that God treasures each of our broken hearts in His sweeping story of redemption.” 

– Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way

Order Now »

BONNIE IS A TRUSTED VOICE TO SO MANY – FEATURED ON

Archives

Compassion International Blogger

Compassion International Blogger

Sometimes it takes more faith for us to enter into a child's story than simply praying that it changes. Experience these stories unscripted.

Read the stories»

Facebook Twitter Google Plus Instagram RSS Pinterest
Bonnie Gray

Contact

© 2018 Bonnie Gray. All rights reserved. Website by Contemplate Design | Privacy Policy
Bonnie Gray
  • Blog
  • Soul Care Quiz
  • Podcast
  • Books
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Contact