“I know I need to learn how to gracefully express honest transparency. But sometimes I give in to fear… The more I dance around, the more emotional yuck… it’s exhausting.” ~ Lysa Terkeurst, NYTimes bestselling author in her newly-released book “Unglued”
This past weekend was very tough.
It was time for me to cross my next street.
The street of writing my book.
The last time I looked at my manuscript — writing the belly of my book — I experienced a panic attack from seemingly nowhere.
I’ve done way harder things than string letters into words earlier in my life — growing up strong without a father and putting myself through college, relocating to a foreign country as a missionary to serve at-risk teenagers in the ‘hood (everyone knew someone in a gang (or were in one themselves)), transitioning back to “civilian life” managing high tech product releases without batting an eye, and waking up exhausted every two hours to feed a colicky baby boy for months. I even dared to do it again by having a second baby boy.
I never felt afraid doing any this. At least, I was never aware of feelings of fear.
Until writing words on a page became more than stories being retold. Writing memories led me to a place deep inside, where I have never wanted to journey back, since I’ve grown up.
The very act of speaking from my heart — in print — has brought me back to childhood trauma —
— when I didn’t know what to do as a little girl.
— to memories of feeling trapped between uncertain choices.
— to dilemmas where I felt torn between what I wanted to do and what I had to do.
— when my words didn’t matter anyways, so I didn’t say them any more.
I returned to the places in my life — where I first became unglued.
Unglued. That’s how my friend — writer, speaker and Proverbs 31 President — Lysa Terkeurst titled her new book.
And I got a chance to review it this week. Eventhough this book is less than a week new on the market, Lysa’s Unglued been written in her heart years before it’s hit a word on the page.
Unglued is a word that Lysa uses with great vulnerability through every page of her book. She talks about how she gets mad and how she gets sad. She talks about how she’s imperfect, but how she’s making the journey to “imperfect progress”.
Lysa doesn’t let up for 200 pages — her unraveling and God’s putting back together. Lysa calls it God’s chiseling work in her heart, so she can be free to be unstuck from her dark places.
Lysa whispers early in her book “Unglued” —
“Oh God, chisel me.
I don’t want to be locked in my hard places forever…”
You might ask, why would someone want to share about something so personal, with such transparency? I think I know why.
Lysa doesn’t want to leave any part of her heart unexplored by Jesus — even in her raw emotions.
I know because Lysa was one of the circle of friends I confided in early on, when I realized my journey to heal would not be an overnight journey.
I called in her my raw emotions. I confided in her, right in my unglued moment — afraid. Afraid of uncertainty, afraid of not knowing what to do with people who are hurtful towards me.
The words Lysa shared with me were honest, practical and encouraging. It’s Lysa’s way and it’s how she speaks throughout her book to her readers. It’s vulnerability that allows us to open up.
Because when I’m afraid — I stuff.
I am a stuffer.
But God is changing all this. I no longer want to be a stuffer anymore.
Stuffer or Exploder
Lysa talks about two ways she views responses to raw emotions: The Stuffers and The Exploders. Lysa talks about herself as a stuffer —
“I stuff because:
I don’t feel safe enough to confront this person.
I don’t know how to address the issues.
I don’t want to get rejected.
I don’t want to make things worse, so I convince myself I can just let it go…”
As I read these statements, I gained another insight into why I am a stuffer.
Stuffing is actually another way of saying, I hide.
Whenever things got too hard for me, I got through them by avoiding conflict — by hiding my raw emotions.
Keeping the peace is a lot easier than confronting what’s messy.
I stuff because it was survival.
But hiding hurts us inside. It keeps us from dealing with what’s really bothering us.
It keeps our wounded selves separated from Jesus.
Lysa says when we stuff, we avoid asking ourselves the harder question: What Do I Really Want?
What I Really Want
“What do I really want?”
This is a powerful question, that I find uneasy with answering. Because for me, answering this means I’d have to face conflict. Pain. I’d have to change. Relationships would have to change.
So I want to hide instead. Because I’m good at it.
No, Bonnie. You can longer hide.
“But, Jesus… I don’t know how not to… ” I reply.
Write. And you will know. I will protect you.
Just like the agoraphobic who avoids going to the grocery store because that’s where she last had her panic attack. Just like the man who won’t cross a street because that’s where he was last hit by a drunk driver.
Me. I’ve been waiting to be unafraid before I write.
It turns out I have no choice, if I want to write. I must write afraid with Jesus.
This is hard. Not easy.
But, what I want is freedom.
What I want is my full voice.
What I really want is to find Jesus in my unglued.
Are you a stuffer or an exploder?
How do you handle your raw emotions — when you find yourself emotionally unglued?
What do you really want?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment and enter to win a copy of Unglued.
** Enter Unglued Book Giveaway! **
Today’s post is written as one of many in Lysa’s Unglued Book Blog Tour (Click it to read more Unglued stories).
Thanks to Zondervan, I’m giving away copies of Lysa Terkeurst’s book — Unglued — to TWO (2) RANDOMLY SELECTED WINNERS.
1. Share a comment by this Thursday 8/23/12. Winners will be contacted Friday 8/24/12.
For Extra Entries:
2. Subscribe to Faith Barista and leave an extra comment letting me know.
3. Share this post on Facebook or Twitter (Click the “Share/Save” button below) and leave an extra comment letting me know.
Connect with Lysa
To connect with Lysa, continue the conversation with her on her personal blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.
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* Full disclosure: The publisher Zondervan provided a review copy of Unglued but did not influence the content of this post.
I am a stuffer…I NEED to read this book
Am I really first to comment? That’s a first! (no pun intended)
Oh, I am a Stuffer BIGTIME! I believe I have stuffed for years and even though I haven’t had a major panic attack I think I have a lot of little triggers that give me mini attacks/breakdowns and cause me to shut down for a few hours until I can “talk myself through it” and “tell myself its OK…its not always b/c of ME….I just need to deal with this”
The book sounds interesting. 😉
I would call what I did suppress but I like “stuffer” much better because it also describes the emotional eating I would do because I couldn’t “digest” my raw emotions! Sounds like Lisa’s book will help many who decide to read it! My path to recovery has been reading the Bible and finding The comfort of a church and it’s body of believers that soothes my ache to belong! Bless you, Bonnie, for facing your fears and walking through those difficult places!
I can hardly wait to read this book! I have started on this journey and at times, I feel so alone. I know Jesus is always here, He never leaves me or forsakes me! But it is good to find sisters walking the same road.
I love all the daily devotionals I get from Lysa, she is so real to me its like having a twin I never have met… I thought her & I were the only 2 alike then I came across your blog from a sewing site I was on and I starting reading your pages and sure enough there was me all over again, written in your words… God touched my heart on Feb. 24th 2004, and I have never looked back its a painful but awesome travel all at the same time… GOD HAS BLESSED ME SO VERY MUCH THANKS FOR BEING.SO HONEST JUST AS LYSA.HAS!!!!!! IN JESUS’ NAME AMEN !!!!!!
I realized I too am a stuffer. I don’t like conflict so I try and avoid it at all times. But I know realize I must tackle it head on. Thank u god bless.
I am a stuffer. God is definitely dealing with me and I am prepared (at least I think I am! 🙂 to become unglued!
Pray for me as God helps me “unstuff.” And I’ll be praying that you bless the world with your writing, despite any fears you may have! 🙂
I am definitely a ‘stuffer’… but I know God is changing me… I am becoming aware of the things that trigger my panic attacks… I am thankful for people in my life who care about me and what’s been happening to me and won’t stand by and watch anymore. I am about to ’embark’ on a new ‘journey’ in healing the wounds of the past… not sure what to expect, but your blogs about this have resonated deep within and have been a confirmation for me to move forward. Thank you, Bonnie for being honest and transparent with your own experience… you have encouraged me in my own walk.
I am a stuffer, but am working on it. Growing up with an Asian mom, I was expected to be perfect. I would LOVE to read this book to see what she says to do!
Thank you for sharing so truthfully – your blog has intersected with my life. I am 60 years old and just now making the emotional journey back to get that little girl that was left in my childhood. It is only possible because Jesus is journeying with me. Your honesty makes the trip a bit easier.
Dear Lysa, Thank you for using this walk with Jesus as an healing opportunity in others lives. Sincerely, Teasie
I am a stuffer. Recently I have gone through something and it hurt so
bad, that I shut down, I wouldn’t speak, I barely ate and I slept a lot.
This situation had me falling deep into a pit, I thank GOD for HIS WORD,
Bonnie you are a blessing to the body, keep up the good fight,
GOD has a plan, your testimony will change lives!! Praying for you!!
In CHRIST love,
As a fellow stuffer I relate to so much of what you have written. And I’ve been learning to do somethings afraid as well. I wrongly assumed I needed to be without fear to tackle some things but that’s not the case at all.
I already subscribe to Faithbarista via email.
I am definitely a stuffer. I just don’t know how to deal with confrontation in a God pleasing way because I let my emotions take over. This is a very scary thing to explore but I like what you said about being afraid WITH Jesus, believing he is and will be right there along side me.
I always enjoy your posts and your transparency.
I’m a stuffer. Recent situations have caused me to see just how much I have stuffed down beneath the surface. It just dawned on me that being a stuffer could be the reason why I occasionally find the need to stuff myself with food. Maybe it’s to find pleasure as I unconsciously stuff down the emotions. But God is good. He allowed me to see this email today, bringing me into wholeness.
I subscribe to Faith Barista!
Sounds like my life. I am 58 years old. I have always sucked everything up for fear of making someone mad. I am so tired of never expressing my own views. I wish I knew how. It just might be too late.
I, too, struggle with “what do I really want?”. For so many years, life was about raising children and tripping over what they wanted. Somewhere in that process, in those years, I lost myself. The kids have been gone for years, and God is helping me to find “the real me” again, to discover my own hopes and dreams and desires. I’ve been surprised by how very difficult this is… it seems easier to just continue to plod through life, one messy step at a time, but God made us to soar, not to plod! I feel like the journey is just beginning, even though we (God and I) have been on it for several years. The good news is that He doesn’t give up on me even if I do… Thank You Jesus!!!
I am a stuffer. A habit formed from childhood. Though I do explode when I’ve stuffed too much and it all needs to come out. When I come emotionally unglued, I usually go to find solitude to get away from people, but sometimes I do explode all over the people I love the most. I also cry — it really helps!
I’m a stuffer…and have some big issues that I need to deal with, but I’m soooooooo afraid! I want to trust Jesus enough to confront the issues, but…I’m scared!
I sometimes thing everything I do is in a state of unglued. I’m stumbling along this road called life. At times I feel so panicked I can hardly breathe
I am definitely a stumbler in life. My boys are all raised and the stumbling has gotten worse. I fly from one thing to another. I need some “good direction”.
I’m a stuffer. Ugh, I don’t want to be, but I’m terrified of NOT stuffing (Confronting). It takes a lot of courage to face our struggles. Like you said, “But, what i want is freedom”. Amen.
I am mostly a stuffer too, though I do explode with some people. I am reading Unglued and loving it. I just finished chapter 10, and I was so struck by Lysa’s thought on friendships. Great stuff!
Yes, I must also confess that I have tended to stuff my emotions. After all, it ‘seemed’ to work all through my childhood. I became that good girl and pleased my parents and didn’t cause any trouble. (except occasionally I faltered)
I pray that the Holy Spirit would search my most inner being and reveal all that’s hidden and needs to come to the surface; nothing left untouched.
I do believe Bonnie that in our vulnerabilities we can touch others. Often people see visible Christians who write or speak and think they have it all together. We are all in this Christian life together. No one is perfect! And we are to encourage one another along the way and love one another. That’s how the world will see the difference Jesus makes in our lives.
I would love to read Lysa’s new book!
Blessings and love,
Since I haven’t read the book yet, I am not sure what the definition of an “exploder” is, but I feel like I might fit into both categories. Sometimes I find myself holding it all in to avoid conflict, confrontation, disappointment (my own or someone else’s) and sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I go off on the unlucky person who happens to be standing closest to me at the moment. I know, it sounds awful… but it’s the messy truth. Every day I pray for God to help me find that balance in handling my emotions, my response to stress… to learn to “let go” and just allow him to handle the situation, whatever it might be.
I subscribe to Faith Barista. 🙂
I shared on Facebook! 🙂
I would love to win.
My name is Cindy and I am a stuffer.
Hello, my name is T Renee and I am a stuffer. And it ain’t pretty.
Oh my. This post and this book hits home in a deep way and I so need to read it and start a journey to a healthier me.
Thank you for your transparency and for this opportunity to win a copy of Lysa’s awesome new book.
Stuffer or exploder? I realize I’m a more of a stuffer that eventually changes into an exploder, usually for the wrong reasons and sometimes when it is least helpful. So when I explode, I go back to being a stuffer because I feel bad about how I said it and then discouraged because it seems I’ve made a bad situation worst. It’s a cycle I want to break, I just want to mean what I say and say what I mean. I’m encouraged today that I’m not alone. Thanks as always for sharing your heart, keep writing in His strength, you already know it’s can’t be in your own. Still praying and keeping good thoughts for you.
THIS I understand…..you see, for years, I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed, until there would be an occasional explosion of anger—way out of proportion to its object. And, I never could understand; no one could. Where did all that anger come from? What was wrong with me….the gal who always had it all together, who “fixed” other people’s problems, was strong for them, did the “right” thing, gave the best biblical advice, walked the walk she talked, had empathy, was merciful and gracious, giving of herself, etc., etc. But, you see, all the ugliness from years and years had just been stuffed down, never truly dealt with, even after I became a believer, even though I thought it had been. But, our God is so patient, loving, gracious, and kind, AND He never leaves us alone. He’s always working for our good and His glory, and in the time He knows to be best, He takes the lid off all the stuffed ugliness so we can learn how to deal with it through the power of His Spirit. Praise God for His perfect timing and His perfect power in our weakness! No, never alone, no, never alone. He promised never to leave us, never to leave us alone. With God all things are possible!
Eyes on Him and Choosing Joy,
I am traveling this very path. Afraid of moving forward, afraid of staying put.
I am a stuffer. I like to just put it all in a deep hole inside of me and keep stuffing all my emotions on top of each other. That usually results in everything blowing up eventually and I have mini breakdowns. Living with 2 chronic illness’s has me breaking down a lot. I need to learn how to stop this. I would love to win a copy of Unglued. I have “liked” you on Facebook and Twitter so enter me 3 times.
God Bless you.
I shared on facebook
I already subscribe to Faith Barista. Love the site and what you share. Please enter me for the book.
I tend to stuff my emotions rather than expose how I really feel deep down. My biggest problem with “stuffing” everything is eventually the anger and hurt builds and then watch out! I am no longer the woman I want to be….
It depends on the circumstance whether I stuff, or explode. Those whom I feel safe and understood, to share/vent the feelings associated with a circumstance which affects my emotions deeply, are my sisters, and some close friends. Ultimately, I go to Jesus, and I often write the expression of the deep feelings overwhelming me. I know from experience , that He is always with me through them and waiting for my awareness of my need of Him to help me go beyond the emotions to the place of peace and rest in Him. This morning I was reading Psalms 32-36. Within those chapters, are verses which speak of encouragement in the midst of need. Healing can be found in His presence through His word spoken, and written. Psalm 32:7 confirms: You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 34:18 assures: The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart…. Psalm 36:7 declares: How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. Pamela
Defiantly a stuffer! And I have the constant stomach ache to prove it!
Amazing how many stuffers there are here. I, too, am a stuffer. I think we are compelled to comment, not only because we can win a copy of “Unglued”, but because of your honesty and vulenerability Bonnie. Thanks for your post. I feel blessed and fortunate that Lysa had her “Unglued” blog roll today. I’ve met some interesting kindered spirits along the way.
Write your book Bonnie! Not only will it bless and encourage those who read it, it will help heal your heart. Wishing you much luck. And thanks for the chance to win a copy of “Unglued”.
I so appreciate you sharing your story. It has been very encouraging to me and my journey. I have struggled with anxiety for the past two years. I know what a battle it is and the strength & faith it takes to persevere through it. I know that God is using your story for His glory.
I am subscribed to Faith Barista!
Thank you for writing afraid. Exactly what I need to hear.
I shared this post on facebook!!!
Wow it is fantastic to see how the reading of Unglued is getting others to open up and see there issues and reactions when an unglued episode comes into their life! I am so excited that someone like Lysa has opened up and shared so that we others can “relate” and know it is not just us or we are not unworthy or inferrior because of these feelings and emotional times. Thank you Lysa and more important Praise the Lord for Lysa’s insight!
I too feel unglued at times. My family and I have lived in our current home for 4 years now and for the entire 4 years we have been slowly renovating. Which means, my house is never in order like I want it to be. It’s very cluttered at times. I asked my husband just a couple of days ago is we would ever live in a clutter free, renovation free home and you know what he told me. ‘No.’ Oh how I’m just going to have to see this is as our normal somehow.
Thanks for the giveaway, I would love to read this book!
I would say I’m a little of both, and at the same time, I see God working in me and the work He still has ahead of Him….yowza! But I do notice that I handle people and hard situations best when I’ve spent time in His presence…nothing substitutes for time well-spent with the One who knows me best and has the ability to change me. I’m SO grateful for His patience!
wow, hits home. i am definitely a stuffer…..
I’m a stuffer and an exploder! I stuff all day and then explode on my husband! I read Lysa’s book Made to Crave and it was amazing. I can NOT wait to read this one!
I stumbled on your site by accident looking for something helpful for a girlfriend but found something helpful for myself . I can be strong when I am weakest, I can be certain when I am most confused and I can be healed when I am still hurting. Thank you for sharing. (By the way, I’m a stuffer)
I subscribe to Faith Barista
I think I’m both a stuffer and an exploder, depending on the circumstances. If I do explode, then it has to be a situation where it’s a knee-jerk reaction. Like hearing that something terrible happened to someone I love or they have just experienced an injustice. Most of the time, I swallow my emotions and often it is a good thing I do because then I am not mowing someone else down. When I am more calm I realize it was a better thing to do if the thing that annoyed me was minor. I do, however, voice them when I am alone and the only one around who hears is God. Or I vent with a friend in Florida, sometimes. If am I annoyed by something major, then I handle it with tact with other family members so their feelings are not hurt, which would have been the case if I had blown up. It works out better to just wait, sometimes.
I think my comment got lost somewheres because I don’t see it anymore. Anyways, I had said in it that I am both a stuffer and an exploder but more the stuffer at times.
Ok, so I’m a stuffer. Who occasionally explodes. Go figure.
I’m also an email subscriber!
Me too……..a big time stuffer. I will definately read unglued.
Thanks for writing Bonnie. Yours is the victory in Christ. :))
I think I’m a combination of stuffer and exploder. I stuff it until I feel safe to explode and then I really let it out! Unfortunately, there’s usually someone in the line of fire.
wow! I am excited to read this book… Yes I can relate… I hid behind most of my fears… For many years I resisted getting my driver’s license, scared to death that I would ruin a car or worse kill someone.. fear plagued many ares of my life… Today I have my driver’s license and find myself lamenting years ago that I could have been driving.. the many cars I may have owned… lol… GOD is His great mercy always has a plan and I am grateful that in my moments of being ‘unglued” HE was there….
What an excellent topic to address espcially for women. We all tend to not be who we were created to be b/c we are afraid of what others might think. This appears to be a book that needs to be read by many. That is my intent. Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts and feelings.
I am at times both. I do my exploding hidden. Forever I have hated going to my daughter’s because of the way she lives and treats me, like trash. So before I went this last time (she was giving birth, no choice but to go) I started to fight with myself, and I become violent in my words. Any little ticks me off and it begins, like a volcanic slowly erupting, spewing . When I am in front of her I melt when she speaks and become paralyzed, after she lashes out at me I run to my room and then the eruption starts again, after it subsides I go to God for forgiveness but what I really want is to become unglued. I just got back from her house and this time she kicked me out took me to the airport and just left me there, so I’m writing I NEED help………….
Thank you, needed to hear this
I’m a stuffer, I learned it well from my mom. Anytime I had emotions, good or bad, she handed me a valium pill and said here eat this to calm me down. I remember all the way back to being 5 years of age. I came home upset from my first day of Kindergarten because the bus driver wouldn’t listen to me when I said to turn here, and I thought I would never get to my home again. She gave me valium and food to comfort me. I struggle to this day with the food and just haveing confidence to be me, because I’m so used to people telling me who I am or who they think I should be. Look forward to reading this book.
Oh dearest Bonnie,
I love you friend and continue to pray for you. I am a stuffer by nature also, but find if I stuff to much too long I explode around those I love. God has been changing me for the last several years. It is still my fail safe, I still stuff, but now I stuff first, write it out in my journal and then share. It is a process.
oh and you know I subscribe already and I will be sharing it on FB.
I think I could consider myself both a stuffer and an exploder.
I subscribe to Faith Barista.
Thank you for writing “Unglued”. I sadly can relate to being a “stuffer”. I have always had the fear of saying what was bothering me. What would family think? What would friends say? The fear of not looking like I “have my life together”. I pray that Jesus can guild my life ahead and help me face the things I don’t want to say or face. Even if I might not win this book, I will be sure to buy it. It is one worth having in my library and one I can share. May God always be the your Master at the helm and lead you through the troubled seas.
I am a “stuffer” and though I’m learning to step out and face the hard questions and conflicts, it isn’t easy.
I was both a stuffer & an exploder……..God has brought me through a painful journey of change in my 40’s to freedom and peace that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I would love a copy of your book for my daughter who is going through a tremendous struggle in her life and relationships, which includes her own daughter as well. Perhaps this book would be the ticket to her freedom as well. God bless you for your transparency and blessing to the kingdom of God!!
I’ve been a stuffer for the longest time and am just now learning how to “explode” a little. Being a stuffer has led me to stay in controlling and unhealthy relationships for far longer than I should have. I consistently felt worthless and undeserving in these situations and just let people walk all over me, pretending to be okay on the outside while I was stuffed to the brim with pain on the inside. Now that I’m letting my feelings be known a little more, I feel much more free and okay with myself. I like who I am and try my best not to apologize for being myself.
Going through your post, I’ve realised that I’ve been a stuffer for so many years. Not confronting issues was way easier for me. Since a few weeks,I’ve also come to a point in my journey where Jesus is leading me to go to the inner depths where some scars have not yet healed. But I trust together We will do it.
It’s a pleasure to have you back in the online community, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
I’m praying for you! I’m praying you see yourself as Jesus sees you. 🙂
Thank you for this opportunity to win Lysa’s great book. Don’t we all come unglued sometime…? I used to be a ‘stuffer’, seethe for awhile…then explode! Now I am trying to immediately see things through Jesus’ eyes, pray about the problem (the person), and ask what He would have me to say (if anything) or do. I’m trying to ‘look’ more like Jesus. I still fail at times, but with Him in me, I see much change over these past couple of years, because GOD is FAITHFUL!
I’m an exploder. Definitely an exploder. I’ve heard lots about this book. Hope I get the chance to read it!
I think I’m a stuffer. So ready for this study! 🙂
I think I am some of both depending on the situation and who is involved. I’ve been working on not acting out of emotions and finding a better way to deal with my unglued moments/days. Thanks for the chance for a copy of the book.
Bonnie–part of the post you shared that resonated with me is this–the not being able to identify what we want. I have been a believer for 40 years and the first 30 years of my marriage (which is pretty much the whole time I’ve been a believer) I didn’t know I could EVEN HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT WHAT I WANTED–was I even worth having anything to want? The uncovering for me has been letting my Father show me what I think I want–my dreams, my who-I-am markers….
Uncovering this for the next generation of readers is a powerful step. God bless you as you move forward!
I subscribe to Faith Barista. 🙂
I subscribed to receive emails and posted this on Facebook. Thanks!
I shared on Twitter. 🙂
And how He allows us the ungluing so that He can paste us back together in ways we never dreamed of…
I was a stuffer for most of my life. I’d come from a profoundly dysfunctional family full of trauma and stuffed everything that was too painful to deal with into unreachable places within my soul. I stuffed to survive… I stuffed so I would not be overwhelmed… I stuffed because the trauma was too much for a little girl to deal with.. I stuffed because as an adult, I could not own being that little girl with so much pain buried in her soul. I had stuffed things so far down I had completely forgotten and I survived with a smile on my face. But, by God’s mercy, He brought me to a place where it was time to begin to unstuffy and find freedom from it all. God’s greatest promise to me has been “ALL things work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.” Unearthing things was hard and painful and overwhelming at times.. but I am blessed to be on the other side… and the smile on my face is no longer a mask but a reflection of my soul. To those of you with shover in hand, afraid to dig; do not fear… He will walk with you, and guide you, sustain you and set you free.
Tweeted for you today!
Shared on Facebook as well.
I am a stuffer and a hider. I am stuck in the pattern of backing away from and hiding from the people, places and things that hurt me. I have become somewhat of a recluse. I have to admit I enjoy the solitude. I can hear the voice of God better now without all the clutter.
I am “emotionally unglued” and have been struggling for quite some time. I would love to read Lysa’s new book. It sounds like a book that would be helpful to the situation I am in. God Bless You!
I keep hearing about this book & would love to read it! I took the assessment on Lysa’s site and I’m definitely a “stuffer” – I tend to pretend everything is “fine” just to avoid conflict or make people mad. Thanks for hosting a great giveaway!
I subscribe to your blog 🙂
I too am “UNGLUED”! I am Searching for answers and the road “Not Yet Traveled” leading to HIS Peace in this at times painful Human Condition. My greatest fear seems to be the realization I do need to make difficult “changes” to be all I was created to be…Not limited and or restricted by my fears of something different than I have lived my entire adult life.
Thank you for writing your Story knowing everyone has their own struggles and are “Works in Progress” is an enCOURAGEment. Love in Christ
I think I’m an exploder, but I only explode around safe people. Otherwise it’s
A stuffer all the way.
“Unglued” discussions are all over the K-Love station here. I would love a copy to read! We are a military family transferring, again… new to the area, new jobs, new “temporary” home, new empty nesters as we moved our “baby” into student housing on campus, and soo much more that I haven’t the energy to share now. Resting in God to provide when we cannot do it all in our limited strength. He is good. All the time He is good.
Joining with you in the upward journey,
Yes, I understand the pain of following God. I just today realized that He wants me to be in this pain so that I can wait on Him. Yes, you can write and through that, people like us followers are helped and understood.
I stuff way too much and then sometimes explode, but rarely. I call it constant reflection which is another way I hide! Blessings for sharing your journey. A must read for all!
I think I may have already posted, but from a different site.. so since it’s 2 contests do I get 2 chances 🙂 ? Well, I’m an exploder, and I’m broke… and I’m sure my mom and son are 2 different types but we’re all ~ always yelling multiple times a day. I would like us all to read the book and be part of the group… which reminds me I have to check if the online book group study has started yet… I keep entering every time I see a chance to win this book. Hopefully this will be it 🙂 http://www.ungluedbook.com/
Bonnie, I am a reformed exploder. I used to explode until I began to think as you that it’s easier to just “let it be”. Why cause more arguments and trouble for myself,and of course,I thought or still do,that this should be my response as a “good Christian”. After all,aren’t we told in the Word that as far it concerns you,keep the peace.And to be peacemakers. Well, how can we do that if we are exploders? This book intrigues me,I want to read it and see just how misquided I am. I love this being real stuff. Thank you for doing just that!!!
I am both. And after my panic attack last year, I realized that I needed to deal with it! Still, it is a daily struggle to get a grasp on my emotions – to understand and recognize what may seem like “nothing” but can later turn into something. I definitely want to read this book.
Thanks so much for sharing the story of your own fear and worry of coming unglued as you sat down to write your book. I’m writing a book of my own, and though it’s not a memoir, there are some very personal parts of me in there that threaten to stop me in my writing tracks. I’ve struggled over certain sections for months, not wanting to admit to myself (much less a future audience) the ways I’ve come unglued and failed to be Christ-like. I’m definitely a stuffer, that is, until I’ve stuffed so much that I explode. Not a pretty pattern, and it’s one I’d love to break. I cannot wait to read Lysa’s book, because I know I’ll read it and hear her voice and feel as though she’s sitting right next to me, holding my hands through the tough work of healing and “writing afraid with Jesus.” (Thanks for that beautiful line — it’ll stay with me.)
I definitely stuff until I blow up!
I’m definitely a stuffer. Sometimes, it’s avoidance and sometimes I know that a confrontation will not help. But I absolutely hate confrontation. It is messy.
I am a stuffer. Growing up my parents never shared anything. If something was wrong we never heard about it until the end, either the end of the problem or the end of the road. I am trying not to be like that but when I am suffering I suffer in silence until I can no longer deal than I lose it. I yell, I cry, I walk out of the house. I try to run to God, but sometimes in my muddles mind, I forget how.
I am definitely a stuffer. I am slowly learning to deal with my hurts in healthy ways. The most significant part of this process has been learning to share my emotions with those closest to me (my wife in particular).
Definitely a stuffer!
Stuffer. Used to be “normal” but after too many times of being hurt and rejected, yeah, I stuff it all now and paste on the smile.
Subscribed to Faith Barista
I’m a stuffer oh yes! I always have been since my Dad saw me crying and told me if I didn’t stop, he’d give me something to cry about. What other way would there be to cope besides getting angry?
I am a stuffer and a blamer. It depends on the emotions I allow to throw out first. I am definitely emotionally-controlled and it’s time to break this!
I was a stuffer for 52 + years. Then I had what a Christian psychologist called, an emotional overload. My feelings were numb. I thought I was too hard for even God to fix. One day as I was leafing through my Bible, I came across Jeremiah 32:17. At the end of this verse it says, “there is nothing too hard for Thee”. I clung to those words through some very difficult times. This was the most difficult time and yet the sweetest time of my life. I could not have made it without our Lord and His word.
Now I wait and ask the Lord for help if a difficult situation comes up. He hasn’t failed me yet. He never will either!!!
Everytime you think you are unstuck it seems something is attached to you, right??? And you sometimes don’t even know it or you hide it and sometimes it creeps out. I would love to hear what she says in the book.
Best wishes to all!
Sadly to say I have been both! It also seems when I am not stuffing I am exploding and vise versa. Looking forward to this book! Blessings
I am a Stuffer. I hate being a stuffer because I feel like I am not being true to myself. I would rather avoid conflict at all costs and keep the peace. But what I have learned is that it is detrimental to our well being to be a stuffer. Its a hazard to our health. Its so comforting to read your words Lysa and know that I am not alone. I feel like you have reached inside and pulled out my emotions and put them on the pages. Thank you for bringing to the surface what we all work so hard at stuffing deeply into our souls. God Bless you.
I opened this email while waiting for my appointment with my Christian therapist. I’m definitely a stuffer and am finally posting my comment after spending hours Googling words others have used to describe me like – introvert, HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), empath, centering prayer, contemplative prayer and so on while listening to certain scriptures online per her suggestions. Paralyzed and CottonBrain also describe how I feel. I’m also struggling with her suggestion to write about my struggles since divorce, unemployment and, most recently, betrayal by two close friends, and submit it to the local writer’s group. I go over the words in my head trying to figure out how to be honest without revealing too much of my heart/pain. I’m so glad I found FaithBarista on one of my many truly low days when I cowered in my home feeling like God was extremely disappointed in me. I hope I can get a copy of “Unglued.”
Bonnie, I understood your descriptions of childhood trauma. Your vulnerability lets some of us know we are not alone in our memories.
I’ve been a stuffer and I have been reflecting lately on the ways I’ve allowed myself to be silenced – all the ways listed in your post. I think I need to read Lysa’s book. Thank you so much for sharing.
I stuff until I explode. Until I am so exhausted that I can’t do anything but face the stuff I tried to stuff. This is good though because I explode on Jesus lately instead of others. He can handle what I can’t and that includes me, my stuffing, and my explosion. The other day I exploded on my poor husband. I kept warning him that he should just leave me alone a few minutes. Then after I exploded on him because he wouldn’t leave me alone, I said, “I tried to tell you.” He listened. He waited. He smiled. He hugged. He loved me anyway, and then I know he prayed. He couldn’t help me, but He could love me and surrender me to Jesus. Why is it so hard for us to see Jesus as more compassionate than mere men?
I shared on Facebook and Twitter.
I just want to encourage you in your journey through your past. I have also dealt with anxiety attics. One habit I developed during my toughest nights with rolling anxiety was to silently sing songs about Jesus to myself, breathe deeply, and pray for others who I knew that were suffering with various trials. I would do this until I would fall back to sleep. It really helped take my mind off the things that were hounding me.
Be brave and courageous. It does get better. You are doing the right thing and Jesus is with you every step of the way.
I meant to say “anxiety attacks”, not “attics”. That’s what happens when someone is calling “Mommy…” from the other room. 🙂
The honesty and vulnerability in the writings of Lysa always speaks to me and minister to me .From what i read about unglued it is a must have and for me it comes out just when needed the most……I’m coming out of being burn-out and entering a new phase in raising teens……..Hope i am the lucky one in this give away thxs for the give away and your blogpost…….
Hello, Boy can I relate to your email of today. I have had alot of revelations in the past week. I tend to be the exploder. I get angry very quickly at things I cannot control. This week I found out and felt, that underneath that rage is horror. I explode usually because I am so afraid of something. And I do not want to face the feelings or facts underneath my anger.
I also found out I try in every way in life to hide. Hide so I won’t explode. And hide so I will not bump into any triggers that unleash things from my past.
I am a stuffer! I need to read this book ASAP.
Wow, so many stuffers!! I am an exploder, and I think when you are an exploder, those around you tend to not take you seriously because “that’s just mom being emotional again”.
I am a stuffer until the ONE thing happens (and I am not sure what that ONE thing is) and then I explode and them melt into an emotionally unstable mess. This year my father died and left my sister and I to handle a huge financial mess and our mother who is in denial about how bad things are for her financially, physically and spiritually. I am not sure what to do day to day for my mother who wants no part of us but wants us to take care of all her needs . It is a vicious cycle that I am not sure how to handle. I so want to honor her as my parent but I feel absolutely nothing for her as she has chosen for years not to be a part of our lives unless we are doing something for her. I feel guilty for being apathetic and yet feel I must guard my heart from being hurt yet again. We had to take guardianship of her so the state wouldn’t but she thinks we are being hateful and mean to have in her in a place that will take care of her and feed her and where we can see that she is safe. My heart hurts at the sadness of it all. I have read Lisa’s excerpts from her book and wonder if it may help me not let this one thing weave itself into every other area of my life until I am totally unglued as well.
“I’ve been waiting to be unafraid before I write.” Me too. Thanks for writing this. Yes, for being courageous.
What do I really want is a question I didn’t have an answer to for the longest time. I’m only now beginning to be brave enough to shut out all the other voices and listen to God’s answer, to embrace his vision for me with arms open wide.
I just found your blog today. I would love a copy of Unglued, but I was about to subscribe anyway.
I am actually both depending on the circumstance or who is involved. I don’t like confrontation so most often I stuff my emotions because I don’t want to hurt someone or be rejected by them. If I have stuffed too long and too much that can lead to the exploding, because I reach a point of not being able to take anymore. The most unfortunate part of exploding is that it is usually at those who I hold most dear to me, I think that is because they will still love and accept me after the explosion has cleared. I have learned to also humble myself and apologize when I have allowed the emotions and circumstances to get to be too much resulting in the explosions. I am learning how to find the balance so that I am not stuffing nor am I exploding. Prayer, counseling, and journaling for myself are the things I find most helpful! I am so thankful that God doesn’t give up on me, or you, even when we blow it. His grace comes in to wash away the impurities and bring in hope!
Thanks for your honesty…I can relate. Really looking forward to the Unglued Bible study. 🙂
I am a stuffer. I will not confront things! Wow,do I need this book!
I am a stuffer!I keep everything inside! Boy, do I need this book!
Truthfully, I’m an exploder. It’s what I often hate about myself. But it’s what I am trusting God will use for His glory as He continues to work through the fear I hold tight.
I am a STUFFER that was completely over stuffed! I hide behind the guise of not being able to handle the conflict, full speed ahead heart pounding out of my chest when there is conflict or potential conflict that I’ve fabricated in my mind! But, God told me to write also and when I was faced with something during my counseling that made me completely and utterly out of control with fear, I would write. I would go away for the night and if that wasn’t possible I would barricade myself in my house, cut off from communication with anyone except my one friend who was my one and only safe person at the time. I would sit and read scriptures out loud, I would pray out loud. I would write, sometimes my anxiety was so bad during it that I couldn’t even type on my computer because my legs wouldn’t stop bouncing out of fear! But, like you, I wanted freedom so I wouldn’t give up. I would try and try again. One weekend, I typed about 18 pages in 24 hours of just thoughts that all flowed together in my mind and they came out in a story. Right now I’m in a good place and I’ve not written in a while although your recent post/challenge to write a letter to a younger version of myself has me writing again but its taking a bit for me to do that. I love writing and the release it gives me when I’m in a bad place and I write it all to God because I know with him it is all safe!
Keep writing Bonnie! You will get through all this and look back and pat yourself on the back for the determination you had to keep moving forward even when you didn’t want to. Looking back at the fear you had verses looking forward into the fear that you hold inside is a much better place to be! I know, I’m there. Its a long tough road as you are experiencing but Bonnie, it is so very much worth it!
I come unglued far too easily these days. Then I hate myself & feel guilty that I’m not a better wife, mother & Christian. Because I often feel powerless over these raw emotions, I then go off alone & try to “get myself together” & try to forget the circumstances that have triggered the raw emotions & push it all aside.
I look forward to reading this book so that I can learn to handle stress & raw emotions in a more healthy & Godly way.
Pray for me, sisters in Christ.
I always thought I was open and honest but realize that I am a stuffer. Perhaps not intentionally but with homeschooling 3 boys, a husband with a busy job and dealing with autism treatment for my oldest, I sometimes have little time to process and think. I would love to read this book. I found great help in Made to Crave and love Lysa’s honesty and openness. I’m so thankful she says what we often think and feel and bares her soul.
I work as a Substance abuse counselor and I truly would love to have this book not only for my own use but to be able to share the advice with my clients.
I would so love a copy of this book. I have been through a rough couple of years emotionally and have some pretty big decisions coming up this year. Thanks for the opportunity to wim!
I just subscribed to your blog.
I tweeted about this post ; )
I’m definitely a stuffer! Mainly because of fear… I lack the courage to face the emotions and follow them to where they might lead. The idea that following them might actually help me control them with His help is a new one I’m just beginning to believe…
Thanks for being transparent, Bonnie (and Lisa). It gives the rest of us courage to follow you!
Thanks for the giveaway!love ur blog
I’m a stuffer – I need to read this book. Thanks for sharing
I am a stuffer. It was very unsafe for me growing up to express my emotions and I also felt that it was my responsibility to make sure everyone else was okay. That meant keeping my emotions underwrap so that everyone else was allowed their emotions which I tried to heal. Messy, yucky and I am only now, at 37 ,untangling this mode of survival. The best part is that God is healing these places and giving me unending hope. Grace!
I think people stuff until they can’t bear it anymore and then they can’t help but explode. I don’t think there is a clear divide. I recently smashed all my washing up with a pan!
It is really amazing how God works. A friend forwarded this e-mail to me and as I read it I could completely see myself in every word. This past Sunday, my past revisited me in a very unfriendly way. I was filling out some paperwork and there was the question…”were you molested as a minor.” I was frozen, instantly knew that everyone in the room knew and could be judging me. After Godly guidance from a close friend, I excused myself and simply said “I’m not ready” and left. This fact of my past is not a secret and I have been working diligently to allow God’s healing. It was the idea of a group of strangers would know my story and could judge me. I felt vulnerable, naked, exposed. This has been bothering me a lot this week, drudging up past memories that I would rather leave behind. To my amazement as I read this e-mail and it was someone else that had been afraid, and not wanting to visit the past any more than me. Thanks.
probably a stuffer…but it does feel good to unleash sometimes so maybe an exploder for real 🙂
i am subscribed too
I am a stuffer, until I am alone and in a safe place (like in my car) and then it all comes out. God is so very timely. I am praying for you in your struggle to write, as I am struggling to realize my false ideas of how I communicate/do not communicate with my family and just why I am like that. I just watched Beth Moore’s live stream recording, and she talked about when we are weak, we will be “marvelously helped” by God, and I can see Him working and weaving His grace in each post I read today!
Thank you so much for sharing Bonnie and grace and peace to you!
I’m an exploder and I really dislike myself when I do. I have to remind myself to breathe, relax, be calm and speak carefully.
I subscribe to your blog.
I shared on fb.
Although I am generally a stuffer, I find myself exploding at certain times and with certain people (hubby). Praying you find healing through revealing and facing your fears head on.
Tweeted and posted on Facebook.
I would so love to win a copy of Lysa’s new book. I am definitely a stuffer and praise God for her willingness to be open and vulnerable as it blesses so many of us struggling with the same issues.
I would loooove to win this!! =)
I follow you via GFC/RSS!!!
I tweeted!! I would love to have this book! https://twitter.com/CoveredinGrace/status/238518241339793408
It would be a blessing to win this book. I like many other understand the feeling of coming unglued
Ouch – yes, definitely a ‘stuffer’. The challenge is to be able to confront fearlessly, regardless of the consequences: knowing how to stay hidden in Christ, how to accept when things don’t go the way we want/hope/expect… and knowing we can do everything ‘right’ but we are not responsible for other people’s reactions. Looking forward to reading Lysa’s book and finding out how to do this.
As I’m living with what doctors describe as “incurable” cancer and waiting to see what God wants to do with my life, raw at the thought of what it all means for my husband and four children, I often find myself coming unglued! For years I think I was a stuffer; now I am an exploder, and I really hate it. I’d love to win a copy of Lysa’s book!
I am a new subscriber — really hoping you draw my name for Lysa’s book!
I just posted a link on facebook about the book 🙂 Please, please, please draw my name 🙂
I stuff also. I don’t want to write about the past till I have answers. It makes me too vulnerable. I too don’t want to be rejected. But I’m beginning to realize I may not have some of the answers here on earth. It is so hard living with uncertainty…and having to trust… . The Lord used to tell me not to write about it…I guess He thinks I’m ready…
I would have to say I could be a stuffer and an exploder. i try to push things down and not let them bother me but at times I am hurt and anger comes out, or I get scared and I explode. I know it is wrong and I want to change. I am currently in a weekly prayer group which has helped me immensely and I read the bible and pray to God each and every day. I know I get “Unglued” at times and with God’s help and Lysa’s book I will be able to come back to the person God created me to be!! Thanks for the chance to win her great book too! God is Good!!
I love to read the spiritual challenges that Lysa can express so well. Some teaching and Truth for relationships is needed!
I shared on FB! 🙂 Thank you so much for the opportunity to win this book. I deal with health problems after surviving an aneurysm and living in constant pain does not make it easy for the emotions and relationships.
I am definitely a stuffer, but I’ve learned that “stuff” can’t stay buried forever. Thanks for the chance to win this book!
yes. i need to read this!
I also am a stuffer and a people pleaser. What courage to share and help so many who struggle with this. May God bless this book!
I just subscribed!! Thank you!
I think I’m a stuffer who lives with an exploder. Or maybe we stuff until we explode? Or maybe the buildup just becomes uncontrollable and things explode within? I don’t know. But I’m learning not to judge, I’m learning to speak up, I’m learning to think things through and speak truth in love. Finally. I am so old! I feel so old, like I should have learned this in my 20s. But I’m on the slow track obviously. Things I should have learned in high school like what colors look best on me I learned in my 30s, so I suppose it’s just right for me to learn what God has for me in my later 40s. Thank you.
All I’m hearing about Unglued sounds like it would be a good read for me.
This is a breathe of fresh air for me. I love the simple honest message that it brings. I let me know that I’m definately not alone. It’s OK to be real…
I always feel “unglued”… Sometimes I’m sure I need to be medicated (which, believe me, I don’t have anything against, ladies!). Going from working 20 hrs/wk to 40 hrs/wk has inly made things worse, along with my husband on continued workman’s comp for a shoulder injury, and my firstborn starting Kindergarten! 23 hrs/day I feel like I’m spiraling out of control..
P.S. I subscribed 🙂
Would love a copy…
Sounds like I need this book…so much drama happening in my life sometimes that I do feel unglued!
Oh the journey of trying to like a life of transparency. What a privilege it would be to be encouraged by this book! I subscribe to faith barista via pulse on my iPad.
I will share quickly, this post on Facebook!
newly married daughter and her husband are having serious marriage issues. I just watched Lysa on Life Today with James Robinson and this book will save their marriage. With just the information Lysa shared on this show I know that this book will reveal to them that they each approach conflict differently and that neither wrong or right but that they need to bring the best of both to the table during conflict. Please serious consider me for this book….you may just save this marriage!!!
Love this! Wishing you a Merry Christmas!