Three weeks ago, I did it.
I turned it in.
I completed the 55,000 words for my manuscript.
I sent my book to the publisher.
I didn’t dare tell you about it yet.
Because I was afraid.
I was afraid the editor would tell me it was all wrong.
I was afraid whole chapters would get deleted. And I’d have to rewrite the whole thing.
And I knew I didn’t have it in me to write my story any other way — than the way I told it.
Do you remember — in May earlier this year — when I told you I couldn’t write the old book?
How every time I tried to resume writing where I left off, it would trigger panic attacks?
How I had to kill the old book — to birth a new one?
A Breakthrough
After I asked you to pray with me, I turned my heart and soul to write the new book the way I do here on the blog with you — broken, as the little girl.
It was around the same time, during my therapy sessions to recover from PTSD, I hit a breakthrough.
I literally started writing the manuscript every day — without stopping.
I read and re-read your comments —
your soul-baring, beautiful stories,
your words of support and encouragement,
— your loving gift of words which you have lavishly left on the doorstep of my posts here during this year and half.
Words you gave freely, even as I laid on my bed, unable to even breathe and reply back.
You gave kindness.
Your words tasted like drops of water on my thirst parched lips.
I cried out to Jesus —
I’m so scared, Jesus.
I don’t know how to do this.
Hold me. Carry me through this last mile.
Give me courage to finish.
You Didn’t Even Know It
So, I wrote and edited — cut and rewrote — cried and cried in the dark, gave up and got up and gave up again, taking shears to the manuscript some days, watching it stare back at me on others.
I confided in you through it all, simply letting my voice here with you on the blog guide me.
All those weeks and weeks I was silent here on the blog, I was actually writing to you in the book.
And you didn’t even know it.
Your stories guided my heart, to choose which chapters I would keep. And which I would let go.
Then, I turned it in.
Your story. My story. Our story.
Jesus’ story in us. Caring for us. In the quiet places. In the deep places.
Where no one sees. He sees.
You’ve given me courage to believe. You see me too. Because I see you.
And that’s how I turned all the words in three weeks ago. No more. No less.
And I waited. To hear back from the publisher.
I Can’t Believe It
I kept my secret quiet.
None of my friends have even read the book.
I couldn’t let anyone see it, in case this book of mine was not meant to be.
Like the many, many, many times I tried to live out of my heart. And found it crushed and pulverized.
Like the many, many, many times I’ve tried to conceive and lost the birth of my voice.
But, my editor came back with edits from her first read.
And friends, I can’t…
( I’m just breaking down crying… heart bursting with bittersweet joy and sorrow over this soul-wrenching journey… )
I can’t believe it’s happening.
This book about awakening your soul when all you find is unrest. This story that I believe is every woman’s story has somehow found it’s way in me.
By God’s grace, I finished in four months what I could not write in one year.
This book is going to be published.
Revell Books just confirmed the book’s release date this morning (it will be the next day when you read this): June 2014.
To You
So, it’s real — my dear, dear friends.
The book that won’t go away is going to happen.
I’m so grateful I can share the news with you today, as the ink is still wet on the manuscript.
Because for me — this news is more than about a book published.
Because for me — the journey through stress and anxiety can only have meaning when it’s shared between faith friends.
Because finding someone to truly celebrate together is as precious as finding someone to share tears with.
Joy feels just as vulnerable and risky as letting tears of sorrow flow.
All those letters I wrote from the prison of my anxiety to you… have opened a door in my heart…
To write a series of letters that will be bound in a book.
To you.
What’s Ahead
I’m not sure how to process all this.
But, one thing I do know.
You and I were meant to meet on this journey.
You and I were meant to be faith friends.
You and I did this.
Together.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I carry a bittersweet mixture of joy, gratitude, sorrow and trepidation as I take my next steps ahead.
Thank you for choosing to be friend, when I did not even know how this journey would undo and remake me.
I still don’t know what lies ahead.
But, I’m so grateful Jesus hasn’t left me.
And I’m oh so grateful you’ve been here from the beginning — that you’re still here now.
Because God is using you to change my story.
We’re no longer walking alone.
“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,
always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you.”
Phil 1:3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Psst… By the way, the book doesn’t have a finalized title or cover yet. But, if you’d like to hear more about the book or other writerly updates, I’m creating a Faith Shots Updates mailing list.
Think of this as short, personal letters I slip to you every now and then about the behind-the-scenes journey, not yet on the blog. I’d love to share musings with you informally this way. Sign up by clicking here. }
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pull up a chair. It has your name on it. Click to comment.
~~~~~
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Photo: Erich Stussi via Flickr.
107 Comments
I am so happy for you! And for us, your readers who will get to experience your journey with your book in our hands. Congratulations!
Thank you, Paula! It means so much. This journey together.
So unbelieveably happy, filled with joy knowing you did it! Congratulations, Bonnie. I know there must be so many emotions flowing through you. Celebrate each one!
Tina
You understand. Yes. Indescribable words. Thank you, Tina!
“I can do all things through Christ ….” So happy for you, Bonnie!
Melissa! xoxo 🙂
This is amazing news, Bonnie. I am so happy for you and I look forward to this book when it comes out.
Kristine, always thinking of you and each time, it brings a smile to my heart.
My desk top is wet with tears
happiness flowing from deep inside
for you, for me, for all who are or have been afraid
prayers will continue
Karin… wiping tears from the mousepad on my laptop… yes, so poetically echoing my heart “for you, for me, all who are or have been afraid”. Thank you for continued prayers.
SO SO happy for you!!!!
Katy!! His delight!! I think you when my thoughts float to Is62:4. “No longer will they call you Deserted..But you will be called Hephzibah… the Lord delights in you”
Bonnie, I am soooooo happy for you! I know this has been a long time coming and I am so glad to see you made it through. I can’t wait to read it!
April, sweet friend. It has been a long time. And I’m so glad you here to see me through.
Bonnie,
I’m so excited for you! I have tears in my eyes just reading these words of excitement, of relief, of healing!
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa! Your journey echoes in my heart too.
I kind of dropped off the computer/blog world for a long time and so much more has happened in my life! I’m getting married in 2 weeks to a wonderful man who has been a direct answer to specific prayers! We will merge our families and as he says “two will become seven” October 5th!
I can’t wait to see your book hit the shelves!
Lisa
That is amazing news, Lisa! I am so happy for you seven! 🙂 Congratulations beautiful bride-to-be!
Bonnie, I don’t even know much of what you have gone through. I’ve just read several of your posts and seen a kindred spirit and you knit my heart to yours in your words. Therefore, I cannot wait to read you book. I am so happy for you. This has encouraged me so much. Lie down, look up at the sky and just let His glory embrace you.
Sita! Yes. Kindred spirits. You’ve encouraged me much. Beautiful invitation. My heart savors it!
I signed up. Cannot wait to read your powerful words and your journey. good job.
Oh – what grace! Thank you, Sharon.
I needed to cry today, have needed to for a time and somehow this post released the gentle cleansing tears. Thank you so much. May God continue to help you and all of us do what in the natural simply can not be done.
May God hear and respond as you’ve prayed here with us. Thank you, Dodi. You’re not alone.
Such great news, Bonnie!
Maureen!! Thank you! I hope you’re doing well!
Dear Bonnie,
I have tears of joy for the Hope that would not let you go; knowing He will not let any of us go. Just last night I was re-reading 2Tim 1:12 “… for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.”
In His keeping, transformation happens and fear must go.
I rejoice with you for the work He is doing and will do through your words. Thank you, Bonnie.
Dear Elaine, your words bring a balm of warmth and joy to here in CA. Thank you so much.
I am cheering SO loudly for you, Bonnie. And for the God who makes ALL things GOOD. Way to go, sister. Can’t wait to read it.
Thanks, Michelle!
Congratulations! You had the courage, the whole-heartedness, to follow God’s leading. Can’t wait to see the end result!
Thanks, Adelle!
God always releases us from the chains of anxiety
Oh Bonnie! Celebrating with you! Gentle hugs and heart-felt joy! So proud of you! So glad for you (and for me, the reader!)
Deb Weaver
thewordweaver.com
Thank you, Deb! May you continue to feel refreshed as you weave your words into the world for Him!
Bonnie,
What a blessing this will be, I believe it. I am more than overjoyed with this news. If God be for you, He is more than the world against you. Can’t wait to buy it and read it!!! Yay!!
Much love and blessings,
Mary
Do you hear me screaming “You Go Girl!” and “Way to Go Jesus!” from here in Virginia. Bonnie, I am so happy for you.
I got the gumption to begin mine this summer and you have been such an inspiration to me. This weekend God’s words were stop praying about it and do it.
I can’t wait to read those letters. I know they will be both beautiful and a blessing to the world.
Bonnie, I am so happy for you!! To be able to write the way you do, it’s only possible through the Grace of God. He is the author of your life, and you have done a wonderful job of telling your story. I am looking forward to June 2014!
God Bless you!
with love,
Patty
Bonnie so many emotions flow to me as I read your post today. I’m so happy to hear that you have finished your book And that has been accepted to be published. Congratulations to you for sticking through and going for the crown. God bless you. I tried to sign up for the update but I’m not sure that mY request went through could you check that for me please? God bless you lori lorio
Sweet Lori. Thank you for the gift of sharing this moment. And yes, I see you! 🙂 It went through.
Joy and Blessings on your accomplishment! I can’t wait to hear more about it!
Bonnie,
Wow! What a wonderful example of the power of community and how God blesses us when we walk together through prayer and words of encouragement. So much of what you have written parallels my life. I am in the last stages of moving out of a much loved house/neighborhood (it was in the family for almost 90 years) and it has been a heart wrenching and stretching time. I have had to let many people into my mess and into places were I hid from the world and life. I still have to finish cleaning out the garage, which by the way, is larger than the house I am moving into. These words, this prayer, is exactly how I am feeling and what I need right now:
I’m so scared, Jesus.
I don’t know how to do this.
Hold me. Carry me through this last mile.
Give me courage to finish.
Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of your journey and thank you for being a part of mine.
Blessings,
Linda
Much Blessings!!
Wow, even though I don’t respond much on your blogs, my prayers are with you. I kept thinking for a long time why you suffer much & how could I help you. Lots of thoughts & solutions came but more than anything frustration in seeing & feeling your misery. But, I prayed & others as well & I knew that eventually you would have a breakthrough! I’m beyond excited & happy for you! New birth, during this time as some celebrate The Feast of Tabernacles knows that its a time of rejoicing, gratitude & giving to the Lord for all he has done for us. The heavens are open & the manifestation of his presence is more present in our lives. May Gods Glory shine upon you heavily so that you may rejoice in Him & give Him gratitude for all he has done in your life. The secret is to choose to live your breakthrough daily! This is a fight until the end, push yourself to stay way above the things that want to pull you down. Mark 16:15:20, the truth in ACTION shall set us free! Yay! May the Lord continually strengthen & fortify you! God Bless You & remember, stay positive always no matter the circumstance. Let God tranform your heart. Choose to change your thoughts & words so they edify & bring joy & all fruits of Holy Spirit in your life. Use the power & authority God has given you to overcome & take control of your emotions. Choose to love yourself & be happy doung what you love! Love others, serve & trust in the Lord always! You are awesome sister! Congratulations!!! Yaaaayyyyy on the birth of your book!!! Spread your truth to edify the kingdom of God! Fight the good fight against our enemy & know that you are victorious through Christ Jesus always & forever!
Much love & victory!
Rejoicing with you, Bonnie!!! This is simply fabulous, and I am incredibly proud of you for your bravery and perseverance. I cannot wait to read the book! (((hugs)))
Dearest Bonnie, I’m sitting here with tears of joy. For sure the joy of the Lord is our strength. Thank you Jesus!
WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations, Bonnie!!!!!! What a joyous accomplishment!!!!!!!!
Thanks for inviting me on this journey with you. Thanks for giving me the privilege of praying for you. Thanks for persevering.
I look forward to more steps along the way with you, sweet sister.
Oh my gosh, what a victory in Jesus. I can’t tell you what an encouragement your news is. I have TRS… that’s my abbreviation for when God joy comes over me and tears. Happy for you. I feel encouraged to write… take a chance… ignore weakness, and depend on God’s grace. Yeah!!! Congratulations!!!
Oh my! I’m thrilled to hear your big news! I’d do a cartwheel, but would probably break something. lol So how about a “high-five” and a BIG {{HUG}}. I’m so proud of you for pushing through, hanging onto Jesus and doing this big scary thing. Wow! I’m sure your book will be an encouragement and inspiration to many little (and big) girls who have had their hearts broken. I mean this with all sincerity.
Love ya!
So excited for you and praising God! Isn’t He good all the time?! You accomplished something you thought you would NEVER do! Only with God, amen?! I hope to write a book someday and you’ve inspired me to pray and discern that! I am so filled with joy for you, words really can’t express it! God bless your endeavor! You should called it “Faith-Filled Shots”! Congratulations, Bonnie!
OH Bonnie, so proud of you!! Since I discovered your blog almost 2 years ago, you have encouraged me more than you could ever know! I suffer from panic attacks, but I know that I am not alone. God bless you and your family and I pray your book will be VERY successful!!
Congrats, Bonnie!
Congratulations, Bonnie, I am so very happy for you
! I have been blessed by reading your blog, and I look forward to the release of your book. I know I’m going to be reading something very special.
Thank you, Bonnie, for being so honest by sharing not just your story, but your heart with us as well; we are all truly blessed by having known you! For you see, I too have suffered with dibilitating panic attacks. I know the pain, the hidden shame, the blame, the guilt, etc. But like you, I too know the Healing Touch of our Lord Jesus. He may not have taken away the anxiety, but He has taken away all the “bad” I felt about it and replaced it with Peace to move forward inspite of the panic.
Thank you again, Bonnie, for taking us on this Faith Journey along with you; I eagerly await your next posts and the release of your new book. Faith Friends and Sisters in Christ; it doesn’t get much better than that!
Congratulations again,
Anglena
Just this: Rejoicing! Oh, and this: Tell us as soon as we can preorder!
Aw… Tara! {hugs}
Hallelujah!
what a blessing! Congratulations. God is good. Faith over fear.
Christina
Congratulations, Bonnie! How awesome is God? So glad you didn’t give up in the midst of so much opposition and trial. I know God will honor this and your book. 🙂
Cheering wildly for you, friend! Love you!!
Holley!! Never would I have ever guessed, in my wildest God-sized dreams… Love you!!
oh, Bonnie! so glad you have come up for air. i missed you and the “freestyle” you did on one word but now, it’s 55,000. haha! GOOD FOR YOU.
your results encourage me to continue believing God has made specific promises to me which He is in the process of fulfilling even though ALL looks like standstill central!! LOL.
congratulations, Bonnie and may the sequels already be dancing on your fingertips!
XXOO,
-a fan
Wahoo! Good for you, Bonnie! I’m glad you finished it. Now relax into that wide expanse of Grace that God has created for you.
I am sure that your book will help many, many others. it is a big seed you just planted. God bless you! I can’t wait to read it and see how it will help me to deal with horrible things of the past when I was a child.
Congratulations!
You encourage me because I’ve thought, “I could never write about THIS,” that I’m going through, but I’m still in the daily pulverization phase. You give me hope that maybe someday there might be something, and I’ll know because it will flow.
take care.
So very proud of you!! Your words have been such medicine to my heart. So overjoyed for you!!
When I stumbled upon your site I knew that God wanted me to hear your story. You have been an inspiration to me even though I have never met you. Your honesty and brokeness and beautiful writing has spoken to my heart. I have felt your pain. It is so evident how much you love our Lord Jesus Christ. Not only is God healing you, Christ is working through you to reach hundreds of hurtful souls who need to be encourged. Thank you for your honesty, may God continue to work in you and bless you. I look forward to reading the complete book.
Oh, Bonnie, YAY! I’m SO PROUD of you!!!
God bless you, Bonnie! This is so amazing and encouraging to women writers! Only 4 months – Godspeed indeed! Our God is Amazing, Steady and Unchanging as He transforms His people and in miraculous ways, giving them wonderful stories to share! May you and your family be blessed with much love and happiness in Christ as you await the release!
I am so happy that your book will be published. I am so sad that I walked away from you and in courage and was not here to help. I am so very proud of you!
Love, Patty
Dear Bonnie,
I saw on FB right before I went to work the title of this post and knew I would come home and have to come over and read this blog tonight! I am just so excited for you and excited to know you are done. More than finishing the book though… you walked into the darkest parts of your heart and you have been finding healing and hope in Jesus.
I am not writing as much on my blog right now… but I have been picking up my journal and writing to God. Better than when I had quit writing at all. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for your faith friendship! I love you friend.
LOVE, Katie
Congratulations! Thank you for sharing so honestly here as well.
Hi Bonnie,
✩✩✩ Congratulations ✩✩✩ I also would pre-order if possible, and am very much looking forward to reading your book! Thank you for sharing your journey, and the lessons the Lord was teaching. The post that resonated with me the most was “When Your Journey Leads You Downhill, God Will Make a Way.” And He will indeed. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Bonnie, I have followed you for quite awhile now, participated in Thursday jams, and have enjoyed getting to know you along the way. You have come to my mind many times over the months…..praying for you as you struggled to find words. I am so happy for you about finishing your book. How wonderful that must feel! I can’t wait to read your words…..it will be extra special because I realize what you went through to get to this point.
Enjoy these moments, my friend!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! God bless…
Bonnie, I am so proud! You are amazing. I’m so excited to be able to see God swing that door of your heart wide open to get words to the paper. I can’t wait to get my copy! Then you’ll have to do a book tour to Georgia. 😉 *hugs*
So happy for you! Congratulations! Can’t wait to read it!
Bonnie,
Yay!!! And thank the Lord. I’m truly rejoicing with you. As I’ve said before, I feel like we are on this journey together. I am making progress with my PTSD through art therapy. I get excited when I get a new email from you. Always excited to see what you & our God has accomplished. Ready for the book. I know it will bless our hearts!!!
In His Grip,
Donna
Bonnie, I have followed your story from the very beginning. I am so happy for you! I have laughed and cried over your posts for ages now. God is going to do AMAZING things with your story. He will use it to bless others, to change lives, to encourage, to heal. When we step out in faith, He can use us. I am so happy you chose to risk it all for healing, for yourself and for those you don’t even know.
I am so very excited for you! And I cannot wait to read your book. I know how hard it is to sit and simply …write from your heart. And I know that this has been a very challenge personal journey through pain for you Bonnie. May the Lord bless you. I continue to pray for you and know that you will impact many others by sharing your story.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Bonnie! I’m so excited for you. All these years I’ve been away from MTO, I continue to read your posts and think of you. My heart is overjoyed for you. We serve an AWESOME AND MIGHTY GOD! He never ceases to amaze me at how well He loves each one of us in an individual & personal way. Know that I’m rejoicing with you my sister in Christ! You are loved.(: Erin
[…] It wasn’t even 24 hours since I turned in the manuscript for my book. […]
Congratulations! How wonderful to be on this journey with the book God had in mind form the beginning! Thank you for opening your heart and ministering to so many of us!
Praise the Lord! Congratulations, Bonnie. I admire you so much for persevering in this painful, hard journey and turning it into something for the good of others. It will be lovely to read more of your journey in book form. May the Lord continue to use this act of obedience towards deep and profound healing for you and for His glory in the upbuilding of His church. Thanks for allowing us to celebrate His goodness with you.
I’m so happy for you Bonnie and so proud of you!! I knew you could do it. With God’s help, all things are possible.
Peace and Blessings to you!
Hooray, Bonnie! I’m so proud of you and so happy for you. And, I cannot wait to read it! I know you will bless many, many people with your story I’ll be praying for you come November when you fly to Colorado. I understand that fear (my one and only panic attack was in an airport) and I had to overcome it last year. You can do it!
Bonnie, I’m so excited for you, happy for you, and amazed at what God has done. There are so many words, but I just don’t know how to say it. I’m in awe… He’s taken the hard and birthed something new. Glory to Him and big congratulations to you!!!! I’m signing up for the email list. 🙂
Congratulations, Bonnie, for all the work you have done in therapy and for continuing to pursue healing with God. The book is a part of your victory. You are truly gifted with words and God is using your voice to bless me.
Bonnie, I don’t know what it is about your writing, but ever since I have been subscribing to your blog, I look forward to when you post. Actually, I know it’s the vulnerability that you write with. If I see, in my e-mail, another entry, I smile, because I know I get to share this journey with you. You make me cry almost (it’s not almost, it’s every 🙂 every time, and I probably need it 🙂 I am so happy for you! Congratualtions, and blessings as you continue your journey to healing.
‘Just wanted to add my congratulations and hugs, to celebrate what you and God have achieved! Will look forward to that release date with you.
Bonnie, this is such wonderful, amazing news!! Am so so happy that you have completed your book – loved reading this!
I’m so excited. I’m sitting here by myself reading your blog with tears in my eyes. I’m so excited for you. Yay! Yay! Yay!
Dear Vicki! Hugs coming to you across the net… Thanks, friend!
Woohoo! Praise God! Can’t wait to release day!
Julie!!!! 🙂 Grateful for you!
As you have been so vulnerable to share your journey with us over the past year, I think many of us have been on our own journeys of pain. I have shared with you the heartache with my grandsons abuse (I haven’t updated – so you should know the trial is over and his father was sentenced to 30 years. So much fear is gone, and the healing has begun). As you shared I prayed – for you, for my grandson, for other victims. I know it was hard for you to be so open, and I thank you for being so open. I can’t begin to tell you how God used your timing to share to help bring courage to us. As you were opening up we were just learning the truth of my grandson’s and his stepsister’s abuse. Your sharing was such a gift from God to me. You hold a special place in my heart.
I am looking forward to reading your book! I continue to pray for you – for healing, for courage. I thank God for you,
Susan
Thank you, Susan! It means much. Prayed a prayer for your grandson and his stepsister. And you.
[…] And now, that story will be published in a book next summer. […]
So proud of you and so glad you were able to share with the world! You a a remarkable lady, so strong when you feel so weak! What a shining star you are!
[…] you know, I finally turned in my manuscript at the end of […]
[…] Looking back, I now know God did not take away my writing. […]
[…] the bleeding woman, I am standing in my story. I’m no longer […]
thank you for sharing! I’m looking forward to reading your book!! I would like to please my Facebook page about loving others and ourselves and being our best selves. http://Www.facebook.com/infusecompassion. Thank you Bonnie!
[…] As you know, the manuscript for my new book is finished. The final design pages are being put together and the words are being prepped to be inked on […]
Woo-hoo! Oh, Bonnie, I am so happy for you! Such a scary and exciting time. May the Lord bless all your words and the hearts they touch.
HOW could I have possibly missed this post?!?! Reading about the beautiful gift you are offering this world…offering your story….wrought with tears and struggles but so REAL and so filled with JESUS! Praying that our God will overwhelm your heart with peace….because you ARE His Beloved!
[…] I was exhilarated, sad and scared at the same time. I am saying goodbye to never hiding again. My memories are going to become a part of you very soon. And your memories will become a part of me too. As we meet between the pages of a book. […]
Hello Bonnie, I stumbled upon your website less than a week ago. I seriously think God has used your writings to affirm me and strengthen me. I’m reading your blogs from ‘Down under’ – the beautiful land that God has given – a land flowing with milk and honey. Your words just jumped out to be so genuine and heart warming. People generally don’t like sharing the inner bits for fear of vulnerability as the world has taught us to be strong on the outside. But you have proven that incorrect because all of us are putting on a mask – Jesus is real and you are bringing that side up which encourages so many of your readers. Good job! Only Jesus is the common denominator that binds all of us together in this intricate society. I’ve 3 teenagers and a working full time so I enjoy reading your stories before bed time cos’ we have something in common – the love for Jesus no matter who or where we are. The song ‘ bind us together Lord….’
waving hello to my sister in Aussie… 🙂 Lord, bind us together… so blessed we’re connected, Laura!
That’s wonderful news! I can imagine it must be very emotional and difficult to share such personal things, but I admire the strength and courage God gives you. May He continue to bless you in many ways! 🙂