I was going to do the one thing I’ve always wanted to do.
I was going to write a book.
A childhood dream was about to come true.
Instead, the act of writing plummeted me down a rabbit hole, free falling through a disorienting chasm of uncontrollable anxiety and painful memories.
What has always been my refuge became a trigger to the deepest wounds in my soul.
Why would God take away the one thing that’s given me comfort and joy during the most terrible season in my life?
Writing has been the one place of safety for me as a little girl.
I didn’t have to be good at it.
I didn’t even have to think about it.
I just wrote.
No one could hurt me. And no one could tell me what to say or how to say it.
I wrote from my heart.
I did it the way a baby always seems to find the cradle in your neck.
Writing was home.
A Long Time Ago
I stopped writing that way a long time ago.
Between being a little girl and growing up. I’d start back up again. Every now and then.
When I was really, really happy.
Or when I was really, really troubled.
Or whenever I sensed something deep or big was happening.
A spattering of entries in my journal read like tremors registering on the richter scale of my soul.
But, there were pages missing from the timeline of my heart.
There were deserts of silence.
Sure I wrote plenty for work. During the years in my career as a high tech professional. For ministry. Bible studies, training material.
I was writing about stuff. Valuable. Purposeful.
But, I wasn’t writing from my heart.
I had lost my voice.
Setting My Heart Free
Yet, it didn’t matter how much time would pass between entries. I’d always pack my journal, along with my toothbrush and camera, if I went on vacation, retreat or conference somewhere.
Somehow my heart has always intuitively known. It’s important to be ready. To capture the moments — my heart wanted to speak.
God is leading me back to where I left her.
The little girl.
God has kept her safe.
Even though life had buried her away.
Looking back, I now know God did not take away my writing.
God was setting my heart free.
God is touching my heart once again — breaking it out into the open — through writing.
Here with you.
It is beyond a shadow of a doubt.
If you had not been here.
If you had not accepted me, as is.
If you had not shared your stories here in community — out in the open — in the comments you courageously post — and in the blog posts you’ve shared in the Faith Jams — I would have stopped writing last year, when I fell uncontrollably into panic and anxiety.
I would have walked away.
I needed to write my way back this way.
So I can heal.
So I could find home again.
Let’s Journey Together
Now, writing to express my heart is how I journey with Jesus.
Will you join me — and share your journey of faith with me?
Let’s take care of our souls. Let’s write.
Every Thursday, I serve up writing prompt to explore topics of faith and swap some stories in a weekly Blog Link-up called Faith Jams.
You’ll let the topic soak in your heart, then publish your post the following Thursday and link up to share it with us. If you don’t have a blog, just write directly in the comments.
Then pull up a chair. Visit the person’s post/comment before yours. Read & say hi with a comment.
Place the Faith Jam badge in your post, so we can find each other & invite others.
Together, we can travel this journey of faith less alone, more present and alive, encouraged and understood.
I know we will be changed by doing so.
Because that is how I am writing to you today.
How is God moving you to express your heart?
How has writing been part of that journey?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment. Then, take a peek at next week’s writing prompt below… along with something special just for us.)
** Here Is Next Thursday’s 11/14 Writing Prompt! **
Next Thursday’s writing prompt is found in this photo.
I can’t wait to sip the different brews you’ll be sharing next week! Like a jam session in jazz, it’s all improv.
So, just write from where you are. And let your heart speak.
Write from that quiet place inside you.
You are among friends. So, share your voice. As is.
That’s where Jesus feels at home. With the real you.
**Let’s Celebrate! A Lisa Leonard Jewelry Giveaway 11/14/13**
Let’s celebrate next week’s Faith Barista Bar’s opening — with a soulful words imprinted on Lisa Leonard Jewelry Giveaway!
Next Thursday 11/14, I will be giving away jewelry from the Lisa Leonard Faith Collection to TWO (2) Faith Barista readers.
Which jewelry pieces? YOU will get to pick the one that speaks to your faith journey (click to view).
To enter, link up your post or simply share a comment next week.
** Don’t miss! ** If you are new to Faith Barista, I’d like welcome you here.Click to subscribe by email and get each post in this series served up hot and fresh directly in your mailbox.
Photo credit: Photobucket.com