“The essence of belief is to venture forth in faith where reason cannot take us.”  Ian Strachan

One of the things I’ve always longed to be was normal.  Like everyone else.

Growing up, I’d look at other loving families and I’d wish for one — the same way I wished for a sunny house with carpet so lush, it’d track footprints no matter how softly you’d tip-toe across the living room —  nestled behind a front yard with grass green enough to run through the sprinklers barefoot and a nice smooth driveway, wide enough to ride my bike down and circle back in a figure eight.

I didn’t know it back then.

But, what I really longed for really wasn’t a house.

What I was dreaming of was home.

Where I can always belong.  To fit in.  To have a place.

Where I could feel at ease — at being me.

And be completely loved, cherished and accepted while discovering the world.

This dream was big and beautiful — unexpressed — but totally, completely all-consuming my little heart.

But, how does one find home?

Normal

Two and a half years ago, I started my journey of writing a book, thinking I was finally making my way home.

My second son CJ had just been born.  I felt I had somehow made it.

I survived my childhood.  I had grown up, put myself through college, became a working professional, gave birth to two beautiful boys with a loving husband by my side.

I was finally safe.

I was finally normal.

Yet, the one thing I reached for as I breathed a sigh of gratitude and relief — as I settled into my life as a stay-at-home mom — my writing — became the very thing that launched me into debilitating anxiety I had never experienced before in my life.

Why would God take the one thing that has always been my safety — my normal — away from me?

How has the one thing that has given me comfort, solace and joy become the very trigger for my pain and distress?

Is this where dreams are to be born?

Or is this the way dreams die?

How Could This Be?

I close my eyes.  And I imagine her voice.

She’s never felt such panic before.  She’s always known it would be hard.  But, she’s never felt such pain.  She’s scared.  Because the woman telling her to push isn’t the familiar face she’s seen time and again.  The woman by her side isn’t her mother.

Her body is trembling from contractions seizing her body, punctuating her breath.

The manger is cold.  Damp.  Dirty. This isn’t where babies are born.

She wasn’t home.

I know the Scriptures don’t tell us what Mary — the mother of baby Jesus — is thinking or feeling that first Christmas night.  But, I imagine being there.  Kneeling beside her.  Allowing her to grip my hands.

And I imagine what might Mary — who asked the Angel Gabriel, “How could this be?” when she first heard about God’s plans for her — be feeling in those long, arduous hours of labor giving birth.

Even though Mary trusted in God wholeheartedly and surrendered herself with the words — “Let it be done unto me just as you have said.” (Lk 1:38) — could her heart have echoed —

Is this where I’m to give birth to the Son of the Most High?

Is this where dreams are to be born?

Could these be questions running through Mary’s mind as she laid in a manger?

Far away from everything and everyone she knew?

No Longer a Place

And after seeing magi bow and open treasures of gold, frankincense and myrrh, did she feel exhiliration at the idea of returning home with such news?

How did she feel the next day packing to leave — for Egypt?

She was going to raise her baby Jesus alone with Joseph.

In a foreign land.

In a different way.

This was not normal.

But, it was God’s way of safety.

Home would no longer become a place.

Home was wherever God led her.

Home was her heart.

Home was wherever Jesus was growing live.

In her arms.

Wrapped around her bosom.

Her life would never, ever be the same.

Never The Same

Even when she returned back to Nazareth, Mary was never the same again.

Mary pondered everything in her heart.

Where are dreams born?

Out of her womb, Jesus came alive into the world.

Deep in her being, The Holy Spirit made a home in her.

Her heart became his home.

I don’t know what waits ahead of me next year.

I’ve lived through enough suffering and healing to know that I cannot predict or control what will happen.

Because the life God has for us goes beyond normal.

The beautiful life taking shape in us is chartered by faith.

Because the home God has secured for us isn’t found in any person, place or thing.

The home God is making resides in you.  And me.

He is making our hearts completely His.

Where Dreams Are Born

I don’t think we ever stop longing for home.

We were made to crave belonging.

To be at ease.  To be cherished, treasured and loved.  As we are.

Because of Christmas, we have new places of safety.  Homes in each of our hearts.

We can find refuge in each other.  Because in you, is Christ.  And in me, is Christ.

When we find ourselves on the journey of life —

in unexpected places

laboring to give birth to a dream, or

scared, uncertain, yet exhilirated because of the new life pushing out us,

we don’t have to look for normal.

Could God be making a way of safety for you, even if doesn’t look the way dreams ought to be born?

We can find a home.

We have Jesus.

Wrapped around our hearts.

We have Jesus.

Connecting us to each other.

We have Christmas.

Where are dreams born?

In you and me.

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Which character in the Christmas Story speaks most deeply with you?

How is God guiding you to take next steps on your journey to give birth to a dream?

Pull up a chair.  I’ve got some peppermint mocha for you today.Click to comment.

{ Psst… If you have a friend who is also on the journey to birth a dream, drop them a note. Let them know you’re thinking of them. Your words can offer the encouragement and warmth of home to them. }

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One Word for 2014

I’m wishing you a Merry Christmas today.  Because our next Faith Jam will take place in the new year. January 9, 2014.

Will you take those first steps with me?  Let’s turn a new chapter on the journey faith together.

Think:  What is your One Word for 2014?

Sshh… don’t tell me yours just yet.  Let’s prayerfully ask God to place one word on our hearts for the new year.

Our 1/9/14 writing prompt will be:  One Word for 2014

Let’s open our hearts to the stories taking shape in us today. I’m so grateful we can give voice to our first words in the new year. Together.  Here.

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*** NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN — LINK UP IN THE FAITH JAM

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Faith Barista Jam Thursdays

1) I serve up a writing prompt. Let the topic soak in your heart, then publish your post the following Thursday and link up to share it with us.  If you don’t have a blog, just write directly in the comments.

TO LINK UP: Click the blue button below: “Add Your Link” and type in the *specific* URL to your blog post (not just the name of your blog). (Subscribers: click here to get there directly).

2) Place the Faith Jam Badge in your post.  It’s a welcome sign for our community, inviting others. Grab the HTML Code above. Thank you.

3) Then, pull up a chair. Visit the post before yours and say hi with a comment. You’re making a faith friend. We blog together to encourage each other.

*Today’s Thursday 12/19/13 Writing prompt:

*Next Thursday is *January* 1/9/15 Writing prompt (No Faith Jam on Christmas or New Year): What is your One Word for 2014?

Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real. Click here to learn more.

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