The clock is my dictator
I shall not rest.
It makes me lie down
only when exhausted.It leads me to deep depression.
It hounds my soul.It leads me in circles of frenzy
for activity’s sake.Even though I run
frantically from task to task,
I will never get it all done.For my “ideal” is with me.
Deadlines and my need for approval,
they drive me.They demand performance from me
beyond the limits of my schedule.They anoint my head with migraines.
My in-basket overflows.Surely fatigue and time pressure
shall follow me all the day of my life.by Marcia Hornok
Which line in The Clock is My Dictator by Marica Hornok resonates with where you are now?
Fatigue and time pressure is what I don’t want following me.
But, if I only think this desire — without making changes to move in the opposite direction of surely goodness and mercy –I will by default get sucked into the flow of answering emails, being online or performing to address the constant growing demands pulling on me.
I end up feeling like all I’m doing is paddling upstream, trying to get to a place where I’ve done everything — so I can see the bottom of my to do list.
But, you know what?
That to-do list is bottomless.
It keeps growing as I check my way down the list.
Even if I’ve checked every box on my list — that moment is only fleeting.
My self-engineered moments of “rest” were only gained after a lot of hard work, toil and stress.
It’s not that I’m some maniacal workaholic. I’m not.
No More For Me
On the outside, I might look calm as a cucumber. But I’m more like an prisoner inside, never free of the list. My soul is shut off while my heart is frantically executing constant shifting tetris-like maneuvers.
It’s all very demanding emotionally — especially if a bump along the way comes up.
Those days are no more for me.
I don’t want to work hard to see the bottom of a list.
I was made for more than executing blocks of time on a schedule well.
I something more real. more alive. more meaning for to reach and see.
I have decided to follow Jesus onto the journey of rest. I want to see the top of my soul at rest with Jesus.
I am declaring —
– the clock is not my shepherd.
– the list is not my shepherd.
– dysfunctional relationships are not my shepherds.
– my failure or accomplishment is not my shepherd.
I can’t control how things on my list works out. It’s real life. Not everything gets resolved.
It doesn’t mean God isn’t in control.
The one thing I am sure God is in control of is my heart — when I yield it to Him.
The one thing I can count on is who I can count on.
Jesus is my shepherd.
Choices
All of us, after all, is resting in something.
The question is what our heart has chosen to rest in.
I don’t want the clock and my to-do list to control how my day goes.
I want Jesus to be in control of my heart — by making choices that help me engage my heart and access to my heart:
receiving comfort,
savoring beauty and quiet,
enjoying things that feed my soul,
giving myself permission to say yes or no from the prompting of my heart — rather than saying yes or no based on how much time my schedule has open.
connecting 1-1 with real people, instead of hiding in the anonymity of group activities or the heart-numbing work of doing.
I’m taking a different approach now.
I want to live out of a restful soul.
I what to choose a living story — a real life following Jesus — instead of my ideal or other’s ideal of me.
For my “ideal” is with me.
Deadlines and my need for approval,
they drive me.
From a List to the Beloved
I want to simply be God’s sheep.
I want to say unapologetically — I need.
The Lord is my shepherd.
To make this truth a reality, I am changing the rules.
I’m not going to operate from a list.
I am going to make changes as a beloved daughter.
Because you and I are God’s beloved, we don’t have to be run by that to-do list.
Instead of pushing ourselves to follow any rules of the world to be successful, popular or loved, we can change the rules.
Choose what goodness and mercy to your heart would lead you to say yes.
Because goodness and mercy is what follows after a woman loved by God.
Do the things where we can be the kind of person who hears Jesus whispering. I love you. Just rest. — while doing them. Instead of hearing the clock tick.
All else, I’m letting go.
We can say, “I can’t do it all.”
Because as God’s beloved daughters, we don’t have to do it all.
How I’m Saying The Lord Is My Shepherd
When I first envisioned 21 Days of Rest, I didn’t know how demanding a book launch would be.
I had an ideal picture of me, my time, my energies.
I also didn’t anticipate all the doors that are opening for me to share the message of rest — and my story — in different avenues.
Rest is an important message. True spiritual rest has the power to smash all the rules of the world — because rest brings us to find our true selves.
Rest is radical.
It takes the walls down — we become real, authentic, human, and spiritual.
Rest brings us closer to each other, to strangers who become friends and to God because our hearts are tender and vulnerable.
I want to bring this message of rest with my whole heart — with a restful heart — so I’ve decided to change 21 Days of Rest a bit.
I am so excited to continue sharing 21 Days of Rest and Whitespace Challenges.
But, these will not be consecutive 21 Days.
These will be 21 Days written with the rhythm of rest. I will write to you out of a heart fully alive, engaged.
Because Faith Barista is about making a quiet space for you and me, I want to always return to my own heart to live and write from a journey of rest myself.
Change Some Rules
So, give yourself permission – like I’m doing.
(Who says 21 days has to be consecutive days, right friend?)
What other rules can you change — for you — to make Jesus your shepherd? And not the clock.
Change some rules.
It may not be easy. But, you are not alone. See here, me? Me and our community here is moving away from the clock rest so we can live by soul rest with Jesus along you too.
I’m grateful you are the kind of readers who are kindreds. You always have understood and supported me with your heart.
You’re here now — the one week — my life is changing right before my eyes.
Thank you, thank you for supporting me — shouting on rooftops of Facebook, Twitter, with reviews on Amazon, Goodnews — to share the news of this book.
Many of you are buying gift copies of Finding Spiritual Whitespace for your mother, your sister, your BFF, for a friend who needs rest in a hard season, for your pastors, and even several copies to start a book club (wow what soul community you’re creating!).
Your support overwhelms my heart with love and makes me brave. My voice is small and but with you, we have been echo for God’s love for us and rest.
Look we’re doing it, you and I, us and Jesus — through this book.
We’re bringing a new way of living into the world together.
We’re doing this by living the journey of rest.
A new chapter is being written. Let’s not look back at the clock anymore.
Let’s live and rest.
~~~~~
How Can You Say The Lord Is Your Shepherd — and Not The Clock?
What rules can you change?
What can you let go to say yes to a soul at rest following Jesus ahead?
To do the things you are free to pursue as a beloved daughter of God?
Watch the 47 sec video below to meditate and reflect on your answer.
Pull up a chair. Click to comment. Let’s encourage and support each other. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
PSALM 23 from wim steytler on Vimeo.
** TOAY IS LAST DAY TO ENTER, FRIENDS **
Let’s Celebrate Finding Spiritual Whitespace!
TWO Special Book Launch Giveaways:
Lisa Leonard Hearts Connected Necklace &
Times Of Refreshing Journal


I’ve created TWO giveaways to celebrate the launch of my new book Finding Spiritual Whitespace. I hope you’ll enter both giveaways and win! Enter by Friday 6/6/14 midnight PST.
GIVEAWAY #1: {35 Winners} Times of Refreshing Journal from DaySpring
My hope is that this wiro-style journal with a handart inscribed Scripture cover inspire your to capture your voice and your ideas — as you take your own soulful journey to rest and find spiritual whitespace.
** CLICK HERE TO ENTER the Times of Refreshing Journal Giveaway **
GIVEAWAY #2: {15 Winners} A Gold Connected Hearts Necklace by Lisa Leonard PLUS Times of Refreshing Journal Gift Set Giveaway from DaySpring
I love wearing this beautiful necklace as a visual reminder that Jesus’ heart is interlocked with mine with rest, as God’s daughter of worth (gold). I hope this encourages you on your journey to find rest with God. To enter this special giveaway, purchase a copy of my book Finding Spiritual Whitespace.
Winners of this giveaway will need to provide proof of purchase to claim their prize. I’m so excited about taking this journey of rest between the pages of this book, friends.
Let’s bring as many people with us as we can. And for more ways to join me on this journey to rest, check out my 21 Days of Rest Challenge over here.
Thank you so much for all your kindness and support during this book launch, friends. Your thoughts and stories continue to amaze and inspire me. I’m so grateful that we can journey together.
Take The Journey of Rest With Me
Take the Finding Spiritual Whitespace journey to make space to rest, despite whatever chaos and stress clutters our everyday lives.
Take the journey of self-discovery with Jesus. Let’s live a better story of rest. Together.
Purchase a copy of my memoir-driven guidebook for yourself and your friends. Because rest isn’t a journey we need to take alone. We need each other.
Because some stories can’t be told on a blog. They are so intimate, they can only echo in the sacred space of the printed page. Letters from my heart bound together for you.
Let’s be kindreds. Let’s meet between the pages of Finding Spiritual Whitespace.
Read about Whitespace from Authors You Love
{click on the endorsements below to visit my friends and read about their Whitespace}
“Why I’m Breaking Up With My Quiet Time” by Lysa TerKeurst
“Help when Your Life Feels Too Busy” by Holley Gerth
“Finding Spiritual Whitespace” by Tsh Oxenreider
( Ann Voskamp shares words of grace at A Holy Experience )
Our special June Whitespace Thursday Linkup Badge

16 Comments
“Deadlines and my need for approval,
they drive me.
They demand performance from me
beyond the limits of my schedule.”
Thanks for sharing this gentle correction of my “old me” default mode and inviting me to rest in Jesus. This series is so helpful, and this post might be my favorite so far. Grace, peace, and courage to you in our Lord Jesus Christ. He has given you a Spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.
Blessings on you and yours for this weekend.
Deadlines and time constraints stress me out… I’m reading and I’m realizing that I’ve lived most of my adult life under these constraints. Not anymore! 🙂 I am going to allow things to just be. of course there are things that you can’t ignore but, the things that can wait, will!
I’m amazed at how you’ve been doing all of this writing, promoting, commenting on our posts etc… and you have to be feeling a bit tired no? 🙂
21 days doesn’t have to be consecutive at all. You need to take care of you and rest just like the rest of us! 🙂
This book is already touching SO many lives Bonnie, you are such a blessing!
((HUGS))
Thank you for today’s post. I am totally a list follower who tries to pack too much into each day and doesn’t always allow time for rest. I am also an overachiever and will sometimes wear myself out doing even more during already busy times, rather than letting others know I need more time or a break. I am happy that you decided to make this 21-day journey nonconsecutive days for your own personal rest as well as to help me realize that while promoting a book about rest, I need to take the words to heart and slow down as well.
Thank you so much, Bonnie. I so needed to hear this right now. I used to try to read and comment on every post that was shared on Thursday, but now there are even more of them. The pressure is building this week that I haven’t done it all, just a few. I don’t know why I feel this driving need to make others feel noticed and valuable. I feel so overwhelmed as I cry, “God, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t make everyone in my life feel better about themselves. Please help me to give up this demand I put upon myself and give all these beautiful women into Your hands. You are the REST they need. And please help me to give myself permission to rest in You.” When it comes to nurturing myself, I still feel so guilty and put my own “rest” on the back burner, but it’s stressing me out.
Praying for you on this journey of launching your book, Bonnie, that you will have rest. There must be so much pressure on you right now, especially during these 21 days.
Trudy – You do a wonderful job of helping others feel noticed and valuable. I know I have appreciated your comments on my posts. But you are right, as this community grows, it’s just not possible to keep up with it all. And that’s not what God wants from us. He wants our hearts; and it’s obvious he already has yours.
Just as I need to work on self-imposed deadlines and taking on too much, I pray that you will be able to give yourself grace and find a more realistic balance of nurturing others and caring for yourself. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you so much for your kind support and understanding, Nina. I do love this community and my heart goes out to each of you even if I don’t comment. Sometimes my heart gets so heavy and overwhelmed at the pain in so many lives, and I have to keep reminding myself it’s not mine to bear. I am not God, and He doesn’t expect me to be any more than human with needs just like everyone else. I need to drop each woman’s pain into the hands of Jesus, the Hope and Healer of all our hurting souls. I am so loving to join others in this journey of rest.
Love this post, Bonnie! I especially love how you use the word Shepherd… the underlying message becoming: nothing or no one can be our shepherd, only Jesus is our Shepherd! Things are idols, Jesus is the Icon. ♥
I can let go of the time I spend on Facebook and use this time to write my life’s story, which is what the Lord wants me to do.
I’m thinking of this as a wake up call. Thank you Bonnie!
I love this. I love the fact that we are not pressured to try to keep up. I have shared that even my link ups will fall behind as I process the message of this book and allow myself rest, but I am totally alright with it….because this rest, this is what is most important.
[…] by a specific date/time. So, I was delighted to read Bonnie Gray’s post this morning “The Clock Is Not My Shepherd,” where she shared her decision to change her 21 Days of Rest blog tour. She […]
Your blog is my absolute favorite…it is so peaceful and such a great reminder to rest in Jesus and most everything else is not that important. Bonnie, I didn’t know how to give myself permission to take care of myself until I was put on full time disability and then I still had such guilty feelings about taking care of myself first. I believe this is what God has wanted me to do for many, many years as I just fought harder and harder to be able to sustain myself and push through. Now I am taking the ‘soul rest’ and constantly looking up to Jesus. Trying to remind myself that the healthy relationships will remain in my life or return…and if they dwindle off permanently…that is what God wants for me. Bonnie, please take care of yourself during your book launch and no need to max yourself out trying to make sure we are all nurturing ourselves.
Bonnie, stopping by your blog you can literally feel the fresh air of faith! There is space to breath here. It’s not cluttered with “do’s” only “be’s.” Meeting you here is extremely timely for me. God has me in a place where I have had to be the voice to challenge the status quo. I find myself quite naturally in a place where the Father Himself is decluttering my life, of wrong believing, toxic relationships, etc. It’s not a place of popularity. Where I want to draw closer to God, others rather remain in a place of safety and comfort. To go deeper with God and following those dreams He has placed in your heart is not easy. I can see why He called it the narrow path! Today, just before I read your post, I journaled, regarding this particularly challenging time “Right now, I let go of trying to figure things out. I let go of trying even! I just remain and abide.” I was trying so hard to figure out where God wanted me, it didn’t occur that He wanted me to “Stand still!” So right now I am in James 1 and 1 Peter 5:7-10 I blog my journey here http://geraldinejayne.blogspot.co.uk/
Phew! I’m SO glad you’re changing the rules and giving yourself permission, time and space with the non-consecutive 21 Days of Rest. Truthfully, I was wondering how you were doing it all. . .realistically.
Thank you, Bonnie, for speaking into our hearts from your heart. I’ve been following Faith Barista for awhile and now am SO honored to be reading, learning, growing and discovering through the pages of your lovely book. Congratulations on this milestone; all gratitude, praise and glory to God for empowering you! Bless you, sweet sister in Christ!
Bonnie,
I am so happy you are taking time to *rest* during this eventful month! We all deserve soul rest, especially you. I hope you are able to get refreshed and rejuvenated.
Much love.
I am so glad we are on this journey. I have been struggling with whether I should go to church, city groups and such all the time…while I know it is important to be with other Christians on a regular basis I also know the importance of “resting”. Sometimes God wants you to “take a break” and show you/tell you something but cant because you are too busy at church functions etc. Thank you for showing me that I can take that rest and not feel guilty. Then I can go back with a refreshed spirit and mind.
Oh, Bonnie, yes! This is it. Not just the words and the wonderful quote which highlights the contrary way we oppose the love of God for us because of our fears, wounds and habits. What is more wonderful is your risk to change the rules and to model it for all of us. 21 days doesn’t have to be consecutive. You need to rest or you are in danger of hypocrisy – writing about rest while reeling through this new experience. I am so grateful for your integrity and willingness to change the rules and share it here. Bless you, Bonnie, as you always bless me and so many others.