I didn’t want to tell my story.
I didn’t want to write that book.
Not the one about my pain. Not the one about my childhood.
What use is it to go back in time and drudge up all the unhappiness and hurt?
I’ve lived through it once before. What good could possibly come by rehashing it all in print?
I wouldn’t fit in with all the happy, unbroken people in the world.
The truth is that I didn’t believe God could use anything I thought was weak. Or broken.
I didn’t believe God could use me weak and broken.
Because if I really did believe such a thing, I’d have to speak in my broken and weak voice.
And I definitely did not want that.
The Scariest Thing
When you’re an encourager, the scariest thing is to admit that you are afraid or uncertain.
An encourager is valued by her ability to help others with an authority of confidence. When you experience joy by helping others, the scariest place is to find yourself unsure about your troubled heart or when you carry a numbed and weary heart.
You don’t want anyone to worry about you and you certainly don’t want anyone feeling sorry for you.
You don’t want to lose your place in the world.
But, the truth is that inside each encourager is someone longing to be known.
Not for what you can do.
But for who you are.
The Encourager
The encourager takes on the wounds of others, so others don’t have to hurt as much.
She may have stored many stories deeply inside her — ones she’s lived through and others she’s watched others endure.
She experiences their wounding so deeply, they have shaped her heart so quietly, she didn’t even know she swallowed the sorrow and loss behind her own wallpapered stories.
By being invisible. Un-needy.
By being strong.
But, within every encourager lies a silent, quiet space that God longs to touch, carry and bring into the light. So, He can love her, listen to her, nurture and heal her.
Not because she is abused. Not because something is wrong with her.
God wants her to tell her stories because He wants her to be known.
To her heart. To God.
He wants to connect her to others who have stories to tell.
So they no longer have to journey alone.
So we don’t have to be alone.
So we can be real. Alive.
God wants all parts of us fully present.
Refreshed and known.
Instead of living with emotional amnesia.
The Military & Me?
I’ve been thinking a lot about a very special group of brave men and women who are the most amazing, sacrificial Encouragers.
I never, ever thought writing the book Finding Spiritual Whitespace would ever bring me to them.
But, in fact, I’m on an airplane for eight hours right now as you read today’s post — to fly to Nashville, Tennessee — to meet with the officers and squad leaders of the Warrior Transition Battalion (Wounded Warriors) from Fort Campbell, Kentucky — to lead a Spiritual Whitespace Retreat.
When I wrote Finding Spiritual Whitespace, I wrote it in the dark — not knowing if my journey held any worth to offer anyone.
But, as I made the catalytic decision to write about what God was saying to me — as is — rather than what felt safe to say about myself and God — I never would have guessed this book would lead me to encourage the encouragers.
I never would’ve thought the little girl born in San Francisco Chinatown, a stay-at-home mom struggling with anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks would be invited by the Military to craft a retreat of rest.
I didn’t know that a blogger here in our Faith Barista community — Helen from Helen’s Corner — would read my book and share news about my book launch with her friends on Facebook.
Helen didn’t know that an old college friend who is now an Army chaplain would read her update and reach out to invite me as the retreat speaker.
Enough?
I am so honored for the opportunity to lead a Spiritual Whitespace Retreat for soldiers and their families in Nashville this weekend.
Pray for me, as I’ll be sharing my personal journey through non-combat PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks to active duty military leaders along with their spouses.
This will be a three-day retreat to guide soldiers on a journey of Spiritual Whitespace and experience spiritual refreshment through storytelling, journaling, prayer and meditation.
Pray that the brave men and women who serve our country will experience unexpected soul rest — and get a taste of what feeds their soul. That they will be known and rejuvenated from the experience.
What can I say to the military leaders who sacrifice their emotional resources to care for soldiers who have been wounded, ill and injured on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan?
I’ve crafted a soul-feeding weekend of Spiritual Whitespace just for them.
But, really, what can I say? And will it be enough?
I’m filled with anticipation, but also with fear that I will not be enough.
Intimately Near
But, then I think of all the tender, beautiful words that Jesus whispered to me on this journey of rest.
And they are too beautiful — in the midst of my brokenness — that I can’t keep these words to myself.
I picture Jesus’ hand. How He reaches out to me. And you.
In our broken memories.
In the battlefield of our stories.
So even though the scariest thing for me is to be weak and uncertain,
I know that is where Jesus is most intimately near.
If You’re Wondering
I can’t wait for these brave men and women to experience the rest they deserve.
So, if you’re wondering if you are enough — if what you really want to do or say is going to be enough — remember this:
What God wants is for you to be known.
To be loved.
To find rest.
The way to find rest may not be the way you have imagined it.
But, when you dare to be known, you are resting in the arms of Jesus.
And it’s there resting — that others can truly connect with who God made you.
And through your story, you will give them permission to be known and loved too.
They will find space to rest.
Go wherever Jesus leads you.
Even if you feel no one else will find any worth in what you have to offer.
Remember…
God’s power is made perfect
When we are not enough.
{lyric by Here I Am Anyway}
by Josh Wilson
“When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.My soul clings to You;
Your right hand holds me securely”
Psalm 63:7-9
~~~~~
How is God prompting your heart to unfreeze… and bring life to your story… even if it means you may go on an unexpected journey?
Are you an encourager who God is longing to bring soul rest?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment. You make this place real.
~~~~~
Today’s post is part of a special Book Launch Series {21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace}. Click here to read Day 1 and the entire series on rest.
Now It’s Your Turn
Whitespace Thursdays Link Up
Blog about your whitespace moments.
Publish your post ANY DAY of the week.
Link up on Thursday.
Visit & comment on the post before yours.
Use the Whitespace Thursday Linkup Badge.
Write what prompts your heart. Share your voice.
Today’s Writing Prompt:
Share a whitespace moment this week.
Other writing prompts:
* If you’re reading the book, share your discoveries. How is the book speaking to you?
* Share your whitespace moments.
– moments of beauty and rest
– feeding your soul
– your alone time with God
* Choose your own open writing prompt. Be you.
Thank you for using #spiritualwhitespace to share your pictures on Instagram & Twitter!
It’s fun to see the moments that feed your soul this week!
[hashimage hashtag=spiritualwhitespace limit=15]{email subscribers, click here to link up your post in the Whitespace Linkup.}
Take The Journey of Rest With Me
Take the Finding Spiritual Whitespace journey to make space to rest.
Take the journey of self-discovery with Jesus with journaling prompts for individual or intimate group exploration.
Purchase a copy of my memoir-driven guidebook for yourself and your friends. Because rest isn’t a journey we need to take alone. We need each other.
Let’s be kindreds. Let’s meet between the pages of Finding Spiritual Whitespace.
24 Comments
Oh, Bonnie! This is so SQUEE-worthy! God uses social media. Who knew where one single post could lead? This might not be a physically or emotionally restful weekend–but what rest in knowing God’s in control of it all and how you are unmistakably where He wants you to be right now. Love you big. Praying much. xo
Sandy… How DID you know my soul needed these words?! #unspokenkinship #seriously
I’m so happy God is using you so much to help broken hearts find rest and healing. I love how you describe Jesus’ hand reaching into the battlefield of our stories and how His right hand holds us securely. Thank you for this beautiful encouragement. Praying God’s Spirit of grace and power will fill your heart and many others at this retreat! Hugs!
Thanks Trudy !
Bonnie, what an important retreat for those who will be attending – praying for you as you share, for strength and peace – and for those who hear. And, thanks for your words in this post – they were an encouragement to me, as I am an encourager. Thanks for your example of being real and open with Jesus, and also with others.
I wish I could invite you over for a cup of spiritual Whitespace, Cherry and splurge some soul goodness on you… You’ll have to help me extend that gift to you on my behalf, sweet friend! 🙂
Bonnie! I am beyond proud of you! I relate so much to this post. I am a psychotherapist in private practice who often feels like I cannot show my own struggles and weaknesses and need to be strong to encourage others. I read your book and ended up buying multiple copies for my clients! I am in the middle of writing my own memoir and have no idea if reading about my journey through mental illness will help anyone else. I hope it does. I pray it does. Let us know how your retreat goes!
Hi Linda! Soul awesome you’re laying your story open… Be courageous as you take the journey to be known through your memoir! It’s totally worth it. You’re worth it. So excited for the journey ahead for you. #kindreds
Words cannot express the excitement and anticipation I feel regarding this VERY SPECIAL weekend ahead of you! As I’ve told you before… God’s been orchestrating this since the beginning of time. So, take courage and believe that HE’s already there, HE’s gone before you and will be BY you, holding that hand of yours… 😉
Thanks Helen for praying with me… And for being part of this journey of spiritual Whitespace. Here we go…
Bonnie, you wrote this for me, for today. Just as Jesus Calling ministered to me this morning. I just know it. Thank you. God is so near to each of us. Prayers from a few miles south in Franklin as you love on those Fort Campbell folks. Tell them thank you from me?
[…] Posting as part of Five Minute Friday and Faith Barista […]
I guess it takes one to know one. I feel like you’re reading my mail. I never made the connection between being an encourager and the difficulty I feel in laying out my own story…honestly. Your journey (I just finished your amazing Whitespace book…I literally felt my soul release a long overdue exhale) is a true testament to the fact that God uses us in our weakness. It makes the oh so familiar scripture in II Cor. 12:9 come alive like never before. Thank you for sharing. And…as the wife of a Vietnam vet, Purple Heart recipient Marine, I couldn’t be more excited for the impact YOUR story will have on THEIR story. Saying a prayer….
Thanks, Bonnie…for bringing the peace to these soldiers. When they sing the medley of military songs on the 4th of July, I only sit down for a couple of them. Family members have served and are serving this country on many different fronts. Even my sweet, beautiful daughter has served in Iraq. I will pray that you bring God’s peace and rest to these who have gone where many do not ever want to go and do what most never want to do in order to preserve our freedom. They are dear to my heart. God bless and keep you, and remember if He calls you to it, he’ll be there to help you through it. Merci!
Praying for you as you minister and bless our Wounded Warriors. They are near to my heart, as I pray for our men and women in harms way. Psalm 63:7-9 is so perfect…one of my favorites!
Many blessings to you!
Wow, Bonnie – I had just been thinking about the wounded warriors prior to reading this post! And thank you for your thoughtful insight on encouragers. People have told me I am one, but other than being a cheerleader of sorts, I could never really get a handle on what it’s meant for me in a spiritual way. I could totally see you encouraging the warriors, as PTSD is PTSD, even though it may be brought due to various circumstances. How people deal with it may be due to different factors. Of course I’ve been praying for you, dear one. And praise God for the wounded warriors who are not giving up on Christ, our Healer!
I am somewhere around Chapter 5 right – can’t remember exactly – but your book has been such a gift to me. We’ve had very different life experiences, but your words have touched my heart in a place that few people ever have. I have been seeing in your words the feelings I have hidden from everyone including myself for so many years. I know Jesus led me to your book at the time I needed it the most. I don’t have words to tell you how great a blessing your book is to me right now.
Be brave, Bonnie. I know you will help many people this weekend. Thank you for saying yes to this military retreat. Jesus will be with you to guide you and I’ll keep you in my prayers.
It’s funny that you are heading to Nashville. I attended a concert on Sunday night by Sarah Hart – her songs and some of her words echoed what I was reading in your book. She is an extremely gifted songwriter and singer – and you will both be in the same city! God works in very mysterious and creative ways!!! Thank you, Bonnie!!!
this is beauty, Mary. soul grateful we’re on the journey together. and to hear your story. just soul-awakening. #kindreds
I’ve tried before to work through the fear and doubt and pain, but I kept getting stuck. Finding someone to walk together with me on this journey is making all the difference. Jesus found me a traveling companion who understands what this feels like. I am soul grateful, too, Bonnie! Thank you, Jesus!
Oh my… what a post, straight into my heart. For so many reasons.
I am broken. I always wanted to look at myself as healed and yet I find issues from the past keep popping up. I am learning to embrace everything that comes my way, even if the hurt seems to last. And I so long for God to use me, my story. I long to reach out and speak of the wondrous things He has done. And maybe, weakness is the perfect time to do that. I have wanted to write my book for years. Years ago I even started but writing my story brings up all those memories that are painful. I stopped writing. Lately I keep thinking about picking it back up… I admire you did and wrote!!
you can write this book. because it’s Jesus in you. you in Jesus. you’ve been given a story that you have lived through. and you are the only one who can tell it as honestly and truly as no one else can. it may be time, sweet kindred. thank you, Hope.
Thank you Bonnie. I don’t fully believe it myself yet but these words help. I do feel it’s not my story, it’s Gods and it is to be used for His glory. Where to start though?
Bonnie, oh how blessed these men and woman are to learn from your wisdom and experiences. I am an army officer and almost went to work at a Warrior Transition Unit. But God had other plans for me and did not work there but was assigned to a different unit. Still I have a lot of good friends of work or are part of the WTUs and their mission is so important in a Soldier’s healing process as well as the families. May God, open their hearts to your words and your wisdom; that they receive it fully. Thank you.
Hi Maria,i love your heart… because anyone who wants to work for the WTU has a heart that is a caregivers. And that is why I felt so thankful for the opportunity pour into those who pour out so much. and it sounds like you have that heart. you are important. to feed your soul and to care for you. thank you for your service and all you do. beyond that, for who you are.