I didn’t want to tell my story.

I didn’t want to write that book.

Not the one about my pain.  Not the one about my childhood.

What use is it to go back in time and drudge up all the unhappiness and hurt?

I’ve lived through it once before.  What good could possibly come by rehashing it all in print?

I wouldn’t fit in with all the happy, unbroken people in the world.

The truth is that I didn’t believe God could use anything I thought was weak.  Or broken.

I didn’t believe God could use me weak and broken.

Because if I really did believe such a thing, I’d have to speak in my broken and weak voice.

And I definitely did not want that.

The Scariest Thing

When you’re an encourager, the scariest thing is to admit that you are afraid or uncertain.

An encourager is valued by her ability to help others with an authority of confidence.  When you experience joy by helping others, the scariest place is to find yourself unsure about your troubled heart or when you carry a numbed and weary heart.

You don’t want anyone to worry about you and you certainly don’t want anyone feeling sorry for you.

You don’t want to lose your place in the world.

But, the truth is that inside each encourager is someone longing to be known.

Not for what you can do.

But for who you are.

The Encourager

The encourager takes on the wounds of others, so others don’t have to hurt as much.

She may have stored many stories deeply inside her — ones she’s lived through and others she’s watched others endure.

She experiences their wounding so deeply, they have shaped her heart so quietly, she didn’t even know she swallowed the sorrow and loss behind her own wallpapered stories.

By being invisible. Un-needy.

By being strong.

But, within every encourager lies a silent, quiet space that God longs to touch, carry and bring into the light.  So, He can love her, listen to her, nurture and heal her.

Not because she is abused.  Not because something is wrong with her.

God wants her to tell her stories because He wants her to be known.

To her heart. To God.

He wants to connect her to others who have stories to tell.

So they no longer have to journey alone.

So we don’t have to be alone.

So we can be real.  Alive.

God wants all parts of us fully present.

Refreshed and known.

Instead of living with emotional amnesia.

The Military & Me?

I’ve been thinking a lot about a very special group of brave men and women who are the most amazing, sacrificial Encouragers.

I never, ever thought writing the book Finding Spiritual Whitespace would ever bring me to them.

But, in fact, I’m on an airplane for eight hours right now as you read today’s post — to fly to Nashville, Tennessee — to meet with the officers and squad leaders of the Warrior Transition Battalion (Wounded Warriors) from Fort Campbell, Kentucky — to lead a Spiritual Whitespace Retreat.

When I wrote Finding Spiritual Whitespace, I wrote it in the dark — not knowing if my journey held any worth to offer anyone.

But, as I made the catalytic decision to write about what God was saying to me — as is — rather than what felt safe to say about myself and God — I never would have guessed this book would lead me to encourage the encouragers.

I never would’ve thought the little girl born in San Francisco Chinatown, a stay-at-home mom struggling with anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks would be invited by the Military to craft a retreat of rest.

I didn’t know that a blogger here in our Faith Barista community — Helen from Helen’s Corner — would read my book and share news about my book launch with her friends on Facebook.

Helen didn’t know that an old college friend who is now an Army chaplain would read her update and reach out to invite me as the retreat speaker.

Enough?

I am so honored for the opportunity to lead a Spiritual Whitespace Retreat for soldiers and their families in Nashville this weekend.

Pray for me, as I’ll be sharing my personal journey through non-combat PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks to active duty military leaders along with their spouses.

This will be a three-day retreat to guide soldiers on a journey of Spiritual Whitespace and experience spiritual refreshment through storytelling, journaling, prayer and meditation.

Pray that the brave men and women who serve our country will experience unexpected soul rest — and get a taste of what feeds their soul. That they will be known and rejuvenated from the experience.

What can I say to the military leaders who sacrifice their emotional resources to care for soldiers who have been wounded, ill and injured on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan?

I’ve crafted a soul-feeding weekend of Spiritual Whitespace just for them.

But, really, what can I say?  And will it be enough?

I’m filled with anticipation, but also with fear that I will not be enough.

Intimately Near

But, then I think of all the tender, beautiful words that Jesus whispered to me on this journey of rest.

And they are too beautiful — in the midst of my brokenness — that I can’t keep these words to myself.

I picture Jesus’ hand.  How He reaches out to me.  And you.  

In our broken memories.

In the battlefield of our stories.

So even though the scariest thing for me is to be weak and uncertain,

I know that is where Jesus is most intimately near.  

If You’re Wondering

I can’t wait for these brave men and women to experience the rest they deserve.

So, if you’re wondering if you are enough — if what you really want to do or say is going to be enough — remember this:

What God wants is for you to be known.

To be loved.

To find rest.

The way to find rest may not be the way you have imagined it.

But, when you dare to be known, you are resting in the arms of Jesus.

And it’s there resting — that others can truly connect with who God made you.

And through your story, you will give them permission to be known and loved too.

They will find space to rest.

Go wherever Jesus leads you.

Even if you feel no one else will find any worth in what you have to offer.

Remember…

God’s power is made perfect
When we are not enough.

{lyric by Here I Am Anyway}
by Josh Wilson 

“When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,

For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.

My soul clings to You;
Your right hand holds me securely”
Psalm 63:7-9

~~~~~

How is God prompting your heart to unfreeze… and bring life to your story… even if it means you may go on an unexpected journey?

Are you an encourager who God is longing to bring soul rest?

Pull up a chair. Click to comment.  You make this place real.

~~~~~

Today’s post is part of a special Book Launch Series {21 Days of Rest: Finding Spiritual Whitespace}.  Click here to read Day 1 and the entire series on rest.

Now It’s Your Turn

Whitespace Thursdays Link Up

Blog about your whitespace moments. 

Publish your post ANY DAY of the week.  

Link up on Thursday.
Visit & comment on the post before yours.

Use the Whitespace Thursday Linkup Badge.

Write what prompts your heart. Share your voice.

Today’s Writing Prompt:
Share a whitespace moment this week. 

Other writing prompts:

* If you’re reading the book, share your discoveries. How is the book speaking to you?

*  Share your whitespace moments.

– moments of beauty and rest
– feeding your soul
– your alone time with God

* Choose your own open writing prompt.  Be you.

Thank you for using #spiritualwhitespace to share your pictures on Instagram & Twitter!
It’s fun to see the moments that feed your soul this week!

{email subscribers, click here to link up your post in the Whitespace Linkup.}

Take The Journey of Rest With Me

Take the Finding Spiritual Whitespace journey to make space to rest.

Take the journey of self-discovery with Jesus with journaling prompts for individual or intimate group exploration. 

Purchase a copy of my memoir-driven guidebook for yourself and your friends.  Because rest isn’t a journey we need to take alone.  We need each other.

Let’s be kindreds. Let’s meet between the pages of Finding Spiritual Whitespace.