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the Anniversary. the song of soul intimacy. whitespace for couples.

By Bonnie Gray • September 17, 2014 • 17 Comments

 

Oh, who would have ever known it
Could be this easy?
I was a long, long way off.
Then just like that it was over,
Everything I knew of love…
I was a long, long way off.

psalm_day1_carmelvalley_tree

lavender_carmel

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 8.56.10 PM

Thank you for opening the window.
The sky is clear as my mind is now,
I was a long, long way off.

Join me in welcoming the sun in,
It’s much brighter than the night I hid in,
I was a long, long way off.

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 And I think I like
how the day sounds,
Through this new song.  

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And I think I like how the day sounds,
Like how the day sounds,
Through this new Song.
From a long way down…

Yeah, it’s well worth the time
That it’s taken to get here now,
Yeah, it’s well worth the time
That it’s taken to get here now.

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So go ahead and bang that gong,
Nothing can drown out the sound
And the whisper of my love.

Screen Shot 2014-09-16 at 9.46.54 PM\

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And the lines have been drawn,
I know where I belong,
Where I belong.

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And I think I like
How the day sounds,
LOVE how the day sounds,
Through this new song.

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do you remember how your day sounds?

when you and your love began to sing a new song?

take a whitespace moment.

right now.

listen to the song that inspired today’s remembrance (below)

when intimacy was gentle as the sunlight moving across a clear blue sky,

so warm you could feel it in the hand of your beloved

as it clasped yours.

when intimacy wasn’t far, but very close,

like sharing popsicles on a hot summer day with your best friend,

laughter easy as it melted down your fingers.

Marriage is about being healed and saved together.

this is what my friend  ayakalu said  —
when she shared her #spiritualwhitespace #yestorest date nite on instagram this week.

As Eric and I celebrated our 11th year anniversary this month on the 6th,
I asked my friend Merrianne — who I wrote about in the Finding Spiritual Whitespace,
in the chapter titled “The Phone Call” — for a favor.  a big one.

What did she think about having Josh and Caleb over for a weekend?
she said yes.
So we packed our bags, like we once did for our honeymoon,
and took a long drive to Carmel, California.

And as we made space to remember how the day sounds…
And as we made room to just be — and not do —

we welcomed the sun in,

unveiling the stories that continue to be written,

that the rush of everyday life can defer.

we remembered how easy it is,

to sing a new song.

today.

Couples need whitespace too.

My all-time favorite marriage book, given to me when I was a newlywed, by
a faith-fragranced woman who mentored me as a thirty-something named Sally
is  Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman.
Gottman followed 700 couples for 16 years to research and identify which seven factors
kept marriages together — that were missing from the marriages that ended in divorce.

Dr. Gottman found “the determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied
with the sex, romance, and passion in their marriage is, by 70 percent,
the quality of the couple’s friendship.

For men, the determining factor is, by 70 percent,
the quality of the couple’s friendship.

So men and women come from the same planet after all.

Nurturing the soul of a marriage involves nurturing an intimate friendship.
This intimacy needs time to rest as a couple.

Whitespace for couples.

Make Room for your souls to breathe.
together.

Time to connect deeply.

to enjoy quiet.

hold hands.

to laugh.  to eat.

Take a moment now.

Call your friend.  
Call the high school/college pastor in your church
for students who love kids and change in their pockets. 
(our date nite secret. pastor knows their families
and i get to make friends with teens/twentysomethings too)
Find your babysitter.

Make your way to putting
a date nite on your calendar.

Watch and listen to the lyrics in today’s post sung
by Greg Laswell (How the Day Sounds, 2013 Remake)

Listen and remember your story.

together again.

Then, do whatever you can.
As soon as you can.

Getaway for some #spiritualwhitespace for you and your beloved.

Find Spiritual Whitespace together.
Confide in your stories and ask about his.
listen. hold him with your gaze.
the comfort of your complete acceptance and understanding.
love him with your quiet.  don’t fix. be present.
let him love you.

… a few hours at a cafe
… a lunch date somewhere cozy
… a night out for thai
… pancakes and waffles at a breakfast joint
… a drive to the city
… a walk …

remember the sound of the day.

the sound of a your new song.

 

“He has given me a new song to sing…” Ps. 40:3

~~~

pull up a chair. click to share a comment.
this is a place for the soul. for you and me.

lyrics by Greg Laswell (How the Day Sounds, 2013 Remake)

 
 

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17 Comments

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17 Comments

  • Reply Christine September 17, 2014 at 12:24 pm

    Bonnie,
    You are absolutely gorgeous in your wedding photos and in all of them. And everyone blew bubbles! I love bubbles! Happy Anniversary and many, many blessings to you and your husband and children!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 17, 2014 at 3:32 pm

      the bubbles made it feel magical. but, my friends later told me those bubbles popped and stuck to their clothes like glue! i had picked out the “long-lasting” bubbles for weddings… 🙂 thnx, Christine!

  • Reply Sophia DeLonghi September 17, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    How lovely! Beautiful couple! What a gift to share your words with the world. Thank you! Blessings in abundance upon you!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 17, 2014 at 3:34 pm

      hope the song brought something soulful to you… thanks, sophia!

  • Reply Lisa September 17, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    Thank you for sharing the beautiful wedding photos and advice (the bubbles are such a light-hearted touch, and the church, décor, and dress are picture perfect). It looks like it was a beautiful day. You and your husband do indeed look like friends first in Christ, such an important component to a happy marriage. I love this quote: “Marriage is about being held and saved together”.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 17, 2014 at 3:35 pm

      that day still feels like it was yesterday… creating memories are so important. i know that’s even more, so true today. memories shape us.. thanks, lisa!

  • Reply Yvonne September 17, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Dear Bonnie,

    Happy Anniversary! Thank you for sharing your sweet wedding pictures! What a happy day! What a beautiful bride!

    My husband and I carve time together inexpensively by taking a walk after dinner, or going to Yogurtland to enjoy a new flavor. Your prompt today is a good reminder for me to nourish my marriage. I like the part where you said, “Don’t fix, love him with your quiet; be present.” Thank you, Bonnie, for always giving us excellent ideas to enjoy life and living! God bless you and your husband as you celebrate each other!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 17, 2014 at 3:37 pm

      the boys, hubby and i LOVE yogurtland. esp. in the summer when they have leechee. what’s your favorite flavor? 🙂 (also, soul happy you enjoyed the song! can’t get it out of my head… now it’s infected YOU. lol)

  • Reply Yvonne September 17, 2014 at 3:03 pm

    Oh, I forgot! Thank you for sharing the song on YouTube. I love it!!

  • Reply Connie Boyd September 17, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    beautiful. so perfectly timed as my husband and I begin a married’s life group in our home tonight. I think we will have to include an exercise like this to prompt some sweet memories and a great chat between couples. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 17, 2014 at 3:41 pm

      just prayed for your group gathering tonight, connie. home fellowship is so special. a place to just be…. it was very moving to relive the memories of the day… eric & i looked at our album last night, listening to the song together. you also prompted another post in me, btw… also, here’s an idea just sparked… couples can bring a photo or two and share a story about their wedding day… maybe a different couple on different nights? blessings as you begin this journey with your group.

  • Reply jeri September 17, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    Oh.my.gosh.gorgous!

  • Reply Yvonne September 17, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    My favorite Yogurtland flavors? blueberry tart and toasted coconut caramel! I will try the lychee if they have it. Thanks for the tip:) We are heading to Yogurtland later as it is muggy here in SoCal! You really have to come here, Bonnie, and speak in a ladies’ or couple’s conference. I will be praying for that!!

  • Reply Mary September 18, 2014 at 6:52 am

    My daughter and I were talking about this
    last night. How in your brokenness did you marry a friend and not someone to take care of you? I was married to a man for 40 years who wanted someone to take care of his home and raise his children. He even hated the word friend in connection with marriage.I don’t think I was looking for a friend in the beginning but as I became more healed I was, but he wasn’t. He passed away 4 years ago and we were never friends. Many of the married couples I know are in that same place. We need the whitespace to get our eyes on THE most important thing-finding out who we are in Christ and living it in spite of circumstances. Especially as women, I think our tendency is putting too much expectation and energy on our marriage at times. At least that was mine. I love what you said and your pictures are beautiful but I guess I am thinking of all (those) us out there that need or needed whitespace to sit with the love and acceptance Jesus has for us

    • Reply Bonnie Gray September 18, 2014 at 7:31 am

      Wonderful, important words, Mary! This is why I wrote my book “Finding Spiritual Whitespace”. We all need to prioritize whitespace for ourselves — men and women. Esp. as women, who we tend to put ourselves last, and everyone else first. Spending time with God and discovering who it is God made us is first. And when we feed our souls in that discovery with God, we become whole and healed. But, then, if we’re married, as a a couple, we become one and together, we also experience spiritual whitespace, together as a couple, to feed our souls. With God. And experience healing by loving each other, sharing and living our stories together, as friends, just as Jesus shared all with us as friends. So, to answer your other question more directly — yes, I choose to marry a friend and *not* someone to take care of me. I got married in my 30’s and if I was looking to marry someone to take care of me, I would’ve got married right after college. My journey to marriage was opposite – I didn’t want anyone to take care of me – I was quite content to be on my own, after a painful childhood. so I actually thought I had the gift of singleness. 😉 Until I met my soul best friend, whom I can confide in all my secrets and share my journey of faith with God. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your heart, Mary, on whitespace for ourselves first and foremost.

  • Reply Pam@Writing...Apples of Gold September 18, 2014 at 6:33 pm

    Did you have the linkup today? Not seeing it… 🙂 I was going to link this: http://wordglow.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/when-insecurities-keep-echoing-back/

  • Reply Cherry September 18, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    These words and photos are so, so beautiful – so sweet to see this post! And yes, I completely agree that we need whitespace as couples. During the years with children filling our homes, and also, during the “empty nest” years, which is where my hubby and I are now. Life continues to be so full, and we must purposefully take time to just “be”, and to rest, and spend time, just the two of us. We’re looking forward to a little getaway over my birthday in a week … three nights away, together. Praying for refreshment and rest.

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