{i had no idea of what was about to unfold
because of this one night at Josh Wilson’s concert}
Is there a piece of your story that you’ve been afraid to share with someone close to you?
Maybe you feel it’s better to stay silent. You’re trying to protect them, but you feel a part of you is invisible. Unknown.
Sometimes, it may not be time to share certain stories.
But, more often than not — at least in my case — fear keeps me from sharing what I long to express.
Sometimes, to be real, we need to allow God to speak through a living story — in you. And in me.
We need to break our silence.
Something unexpected happened to me last month. Pull up a chair and stay a while. Let me tell you a story.
I hope it will encourage you on your journey today…
I didn’t want to tell them.
They might think something was wrong with their mommy.
I wanted my children to feel safe and loved. I wanted to be the mommy who was there to always listen, care, ask questions, laugh at their jokes, and have a hug ready for them after school along with some Oreos and a glass of milk.
I didn’t want them exposed to my broken memories.
When I gave birth to my sons Josh and Caleb, it was as if I breathed a big sigh of relief — breaking across some imaginary finish line of the childhood I wanted to leave far behind.
I wanted to be an unbroken mommy.
So, if you can believe or not, I’ve managed to live through two years of anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia — and publish a book this summer about that journey — without my children knowing I ever had a panic attack.
No Idea
On the days that anxiety was particularly debilitating, thanks to my friend Merrianne, who discipled me when I was in junior high, my children spent time after school with “Auntie” Merrianne, while I rested. I went to do therapy in the daytime when they were in school. On the weekends, hubby Eric was with me, so he had my back when I felt overwhelmed with anxiety.
They’ve been proud that mommy’s book is in the bookstore, but I’ve told them they can read the book when they were older. That’s been just fine with them.
Well, I thought I had gotten past this whole long panic-attack season in my life without telling my sons about any this.
But, a couple months ago, I found out award-winning Christian singer-songwriter Josh Wilson from Nashville was currently on his #CarryMe Concert Tour and he was coming to my neck of the woods — Walnut Creek, California.
Josh Wilson’s music has inspired me on my journey to write my memoir-driven book Finding Spiritual Whitespace. Back in 2011, when I was struggling to complete the book proposal, I heard his song “Fall Apart” on XM radio.
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart.– lyrics to Fall Apart
by Josh Wilson
@thebonniegray
I had no idea at the time that writing the manuscript would trigger traumatic memories that brought on my first panic attacks.
Josh Wilson’s lyrics were so honest and vulnerable. I wanted to write this same way.
Inspired
I felt inspired to be bold and finish the proposal to the book I really wanted to write — rather than the book I thought was safer to publish.
I emailed him to thank him for his song. To my surprise, Josh Wilson emailed back some encouraging words.
{Josh Wilson’s guitar. i took a photo of it at rest before the concert.
the stories and memories this guitar must carry}
Two years later, I found myself writing a completely different book that would tell the whole world about the memories I’ve been afraid to face my whole life.
One of my greatest fears — in addition to the people who be very angry at me for telling my story — was for my children.
What if my kids read it and lose faith in me as their mom?
One friend advised me, “Bonnie, are you sure you really want to do this? Because there is no going back. Once it’s printed, it will be with you forever.”
As I was considering the ramifications of publishing my book, I heard an interview on XM The Message, on our way to church one Sunday.
It was Josh Wilson.
Freeing My Heart
Josh was telling the whole world that he experienced his first panic attack. A very severe one. The same year I had mine.
What was amazing is this: they were still happening, although not as severe. So was I.
Even more amazing thing was this: he recorded an entire album of songs inspired about his journey with God through his panic attacks.
I was completely floored.
I had been so afraid of what other people would think of me when they found out about my panic attacks.
Yet, here was Josh Wilson, literally singing his story boldly in his album, among his peers. (click the video below to hear what moved my heart)
I knew in that moment, God was freeing my heart to publish my book.
So, back to this Josh Wilson concert.
Couldn’t Shake It Off
I was originally going to make it a fun outing — a double date with another couple.
But, when we found out younger son Caleb’s soccer game was scheduled the same time, I got the idea to take my eight-year-old Josh instead.
But, Josh Wilson will probably talk about his panic attacks. I said to myself. I don’t want (my) Josh to even hear the words “panic attack”. I don’t want him asking me about this.
So, I shook off the idea.
But, I couldn’t shake the idea out of my mind.
It’s always been on my wish list to take Josh to his first Christian concert. Like a music/worship right-of-passage, I wanted to create that memory with him.
So, I decided. I’ll take him.
Eric tried encouraging me, “Maybe Josh won’t even notice the words “panic attack”. He’ll be into the music more than anything.”
I wasn’t so sure.
Uncomfortable Spotlight
I had emailed Josh Wilson to let him know we were coming, so we squealed when we got special passes to hang out with Josh and his wife Becca before the concert.
My Josh was so excited after meeting him. “I got to actually shake his hand, Mom!” he said with eyes popping out as we ran to get seats close to the front. “And you even got to meet his wife, Becca!”
{meeting Josh Wilson and Becca in real life
felt like sitting out by the lake in the summer
after a fun day together. it was just easy.}
It was so awesome to finally catch up a bit in real life, after exchanging emails over the years. Like meeting an old friend.
So, when we settled into our seats for some awesome music and guitar magic by Josh Wilson and his band, I forgot all about my worries… until the lights dimmed and Josh Wilson started telling his story.
Josh Wilson didn’t just say the words “panic attack”.
Josh Wilson described his panic attack.
— how he was rushed to the ER
— how panic attacks would wake him up at night
— how it got so bad, he could not breathe. for hours.
This was an entire story Josh Wilson was telling, smack dab in the middle of his set.
Josh Wilson was putting the entire spotlight of his message and his concert on how God carried him through his panic attacks.
And it seemed God was shining a very a big, uncomfortable spotlight on me and my Josh too.
Hurt By Silence
Really, God? But, I don’t want to talk to (my) Josh about this now.
I remembered what my therapist Dr. P told me when I asked him if telling Josh about my panic attacks would ruin his idyllic childhood and shake his trust in me.
“Goodness, no!” Dr. P was incredulous I would think such a thing. “Josh is very well loved. He would trust you even more.
Children are more hurt by our silence than by the truth.
When we keep things secret, children feel isolated and lonely without answers. Telling him the truth frees him from the anxiety of trying to figure life out on his own. He has you.”
Even so, I didn’t quite believe him. Because you see, I’m used to surviving and that means not talking about anything that’s hurtful.
It Was Time
As we drove out of the parking after the concert, Josh asked me, “So mom. You know how Josh Wilson said he couldn’t breathe for hours because he had a panic attack… Don’t you die if you don’t have oxygen?”
{the sunset against dusk that evening was so still and clear,
like a river running clear in winter over rocks in the riverbed}
I was in the middle of explaining it wasn’t literal, that it was a hyperbole, when he asked his next question. “So, what causes panic attacks?… Because I get nervous when I take a test.”
I explained panic attacks only happen when you experience out of the ordinary trauma.
“What is ‘trauma’?” He asked. Hmm… This was not where I wanted to steer the conversation.
“Well, there are many different causes for trauma… for panic attacks…” I could tell I was creating more questions than answers.
I knew in my heart it was time for me to tell him what I could about my experience — that was age appropriate.
I suggested we go out to Chili’s Restaurant to have a second dinner, since the sandwiches we ate earlier in the night had evaporated.
My Greatest Fear
I began to talk while the GPS guided us on the map.
“So Josh, trauma can be physical, like getting in a really bad accident. You feel trauma when something really, really painful happens to you. Not everyday stuff that makes you nervous.
Trauma can also be emotional – with your feelings – if someone hurts your heart very deeply. That you don’t expect and no one is there to experience or feel it with you. And you keep it inside…”
Josh nodded and I could feel my words were reaching him.
“But, the beautiful thing is that God knows and He understands. He can heal us — in our hearts — the way He heals our body heals if it gets injured. But, we have to talk about our hurts, so it can heal. We have to tell our story…”
Josh was listening intently.
“So, you know that book Mommy wrote — Finding Spiritual Whitespace — the one I said you would read later when you’re older?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, mommy had some very painful things happen to me when I was a little girl. Words that really hurt me deep inside. So, mommy had panic attacks. But, God took care of me. I wrote about all this. The same way Josh Wilson put his story in his songs, I put mine in a book.”
I didn’t give too much detail, but I offered a couple stories about what had hurt me as a little girl.
“Why did your mom treat you like that? She’s your mom. You’re her daughter.” Josh sounded concerned and confused.
My greatest fear seemed to be happening.
Would this rift between my mother and I ruin his ideals on love and family?
Would this shatter his sense of security — on what was beautiful and good in the world?
Would knowing I had panic attacks cast doubt on my ability to care for him?
As I struggled to think of a simple answer, I told him I needed some time to think about it.
Your Now Family
As we slid into our chairs at Chili’s, waiting for our order, my sweet son, his eyes tender like raindrops in the fall turned to me.
He said, “Mom. I think I know why your mom did all those hurtful things to you.”
“You do?” I was afraid to hear his answer.
“I don’t think your mom knew what love is. Not like you. She didn’t know how to love you.” He said it like he was telling me 1+1=2.
And I just bawled, my heart like a flowing river, the love of a son breaking the dam that held my heart’s broken world.
“Oh, Josh,” my voice cracked. “Come here.” I reached across the table and pulled his hand towards me, so he would come sit next to me.
I hugged him hard, as I blew my nose. “Wow. You are so wise,” I said to him, with a kiss, cheek to cheek. “I love you.”
“It’s okay. Mom. That was your growing up family. Now, me, Caleb and Daddy are your now family. We love you now.” I couldn’t stop the tears.
“You were sad then. But, not any more. Right, Mom?” Josh searched my eyes. I knew he needed the reassurance of a child.
“That’s right. Sometimes I feel sad, thinking about what happened when I was a little girl. Bu, I’m happy right now. Very, very happy.” Josh’s eyes sparkled and he smiled.
Then he asked if we could play some video games on the touch screen the waitress placed on our table.
“Please?…It’s a special mommy-and-me night, right?”
“Sure,” I caved in. “Why not? Let’s do it!”
Then, we tried to shoot alien bugs as they rained down on us.
Something I Never Had
Later, when we walked out to the car, Josh leaned into me and said, “Mom. Thanks for telling me about everything.”
“I’m so blessed you’re my son,” I hugged him tight. “You’re very special to me, Josh. I’ll remember tonight always.”
“Me too. I feel so happy.” Josh squeezed me in a big bear hug under the stars.
I know conversations like these don’t always turn out so neatly as they did this time.
Because life is complicated, Josh’s questions will get harder to answer over time. But, I felt such an amazing joy, knowing I was breaking new ground with my son, different from my family of origin.
I wasn’t hiding. Even the hard pieces. I’m sharing my story — my journey with God — as is. With my son.
I realized in that moment as we made the drive home, my son experienced something I never had as a little girl.
My son doesn’t have to hide. My son can confide in me.
I’m learning to confide in God more deeply too.
I’m learning to trust God to guide my child, as I allow Him to guide me.
If you’ve been wondering if it’s better to stay silent or share your story with your children or your spouse, look for an opportunity.
Create the space to be vulnerable and enjoy something good and beautiful together.
In that safety of spiritual whitespace — making room to just be together — try to confide.
Break your silence.
Start with what you can and let God guide the conversation.
The truth brings intimacy.
Even if it involves sharing your brokenness — shared in love — God can use your story to bring healing.
To your heart. And theirs.
~~~~~
Is God prompting you to share your story with a family, friend, co-worker — or maybe through your voice, your music, writing or art?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment. I love hearing your thoughts.
If you haven’t had a chance yet, check out my friend Josh Wilson’s new album Carry Me. I know you’ll love the lyrics and the musicality in each track. They will inspire you in your everyday.
And if you live near one of the cities still left in Josh Wilson’s Carry Me Concert Tour (click here to check out concerts dates). Get a ticket and experience his music live! Go with a friend or two. Drop me a line and lemme know if you do! I’d love to hear all about it.
Now It’s Your Turn
Whitespace Thursdays Link Up
Blog about your whitespace moments.
Publish your post ANY DAY of the week.
Link up on Thursday.
Visit & comment on the post before yours.
Use the Whitespace Thursday Linkup Badge.
Write what prompts your heart. Share your voice.
Today’s Writing Prompt:
{share a moment of connection
with someone you love}
0r
{share a whitespace moment}
– share what God’s sharing with you
~ how are you experiencing God this week?
– share your moments of beauty and rest
– share what’s feeding your soul
* If you’re reading the book, share how the book is speaking to you.
* Choose your own open writing prompt. Be you.
Thank you for using #spiritualwhitespace to share your pictures on Instagram & Twitter!
It’s fun to see the moments that feed your soul this week!
[hashimage hashtag=spiritualwhitespace limit=15]{email subscribers, click here to link up your post in the Whitespace Linkup.}
Take The Journey of Rest With Me
Take the Finding Spiritual Whitespace journey to make space to rest.
Take the journey of self-discovery with Jesus with journaling prompts for individual or intimate group exploration.
Purchase a copy of my memoir-driven guidebook for yourself and your friends. Because rest isn’t a journey we need to take alone. We need each other.
Let’s be kindreds. Let’s meet between the pages of Finding Spiritual Whitespace.
“Whitespace is soul grace. Bonnie Gray ushers weary women into the real possibility.”–Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of One Thousand Gifts
“Women need this message. If you want to hear Jesus speak more tenderly to your soul than ever before, this is the book for you.”–Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author of Unglued
“We live in a culture that brags and boasts about being busy. Into that reality steps Bonnie with a new idea.”–from the foreword by Jon Acuff, New York Times bestselling author of Start
52 Comments
Oh Bonnie, isn’t our God awesome? He even uses singer/songwriters to help us, bless us and encourage us. I didn’t know Josh Wilson’s story or the message behind that song “Carry Me” which I love. What a precious moment to share with your son. And how amazing was his response? I love it! Sometimes I keep things to myself too. Our stories might be different Bonnie but they are our stories. Thank you for always encouraging me as I begin to share mine.
Love you,
Debbie
You will LOVE Josh Wilson’s music and song writing, Debbie. The album is soulful and each track a story that prompts a journey. Keep writing that book, Debbie. You and Jesus. Writing together. The world needs to hear your story. Through your voice…..
Profound truth from the faith of a child. So simple. Straight to the heart.
I was speechless, Elaine. From the heart speaks the most powerfully. Cuts through it all.
“Children are more hurt by our silence than by the truth.”
Profound truth. I didn’t learn about my mother’s chronic depression until I’d spent 45 long years believing it was all my fault that Mother was so unhappy. I’m trying to pour my “if only…” energies into making sure history does not repeat itself with my daughter.
Wow. Cherie. What a shocking and healing and life-altering discovery this must be for you. And what a beautiful heart you’re pouring into your daughter. We must be kind to ourselves, giving ourselves permission to discover who we are now… and allow our new journey with God to re-shape us, as we guide our children to write new stories in their lives.
Thank so much for sharing your struggle to tell!! I have felt God’s strong prompt to write my story for years now (and pastors, others pushing me as well) The past few years have been the craziest with all the anxiety attacks surfacing like a buoy, and crashing over me like countless waves. My abuser is still alive, and I have 2 children, so I tread cautiously, timidly, straining to be SURE God is speaking to my sharing.. . I know He will work it out, and that there are others who need to know you can survive and even thrive because of God’s healing and faithfulness!!! Thank you for your courage, strength, and willingness to bless strangers with your story.. . strangers…. chosen family… however you see it! thank you!
it isn’t easy to step out and find your voice. but, i can tell you it has been worth every hard moment in this journey because God is more alive than when you’re writing with Him and sharing it, with Him by your side. keep listening to Him, allison, as you have been. write with Him. and He follow Him wherever He leads. there will kindred there for this journey, as you already hve found!
Hi, my name is Dawn Burnside & I am writing you to tell you that I visit your website everyday, for you inspire me, & make me want to be a better Christian. Your story about panick~attacks was so very moving, I had to write to you & say “Thank You” for sharing such a personal challenge that you turned into a teachable, loving moment with your children. You have inspired me to “speak~up” & that is hard for me to do. Especially when it involves your family. I just hope you know we need you here, so please keep sharing Your word & His Word. You make the world a better place to be, just by being & sharing who you are. I am sincerely grateful to have access to you & your website. God Bless You & Your Beautiful Family. Love, Dawn.
thank you so much for sharing your story here, Dawn – and taking the time to encourage me. because it strengthens my heart to hear how the words speak and encourage you. it’s always a step of faith writing out here in the blogosphere, so know that what you’ve shared here is treasured. you have “voice” – one that only you can share. and I’m so glad you did that here today with us at this place. may you be inspired to speak up. you matter. you are loved. cherished. worth it.
Wow, Bonnie! You are so brave. And your son has such wisdom already, something he learned from you and your hubby. 🙂 I come from a long line both in the family and at the church we grew up in that painful things are not talked about. I see it among Christian circles, too. I want to be able to talk about these things without shame or fear of judging. Thank you so much for sharing this story, also for Josh Wilson’s song and story. I’ve heard the song before, but his story behind it brings even more meaning to it.
I’m so happy to introduce Josh Wilson to you. His music and his heart encourages as much as it’s just great music. 😉 I’m glad you enjoyed it. We’re breaking taboos here — changing what we share or keep hidden. 🙂 I’ve found it so special to find one kindred at a time, and share with those connections. yet also accepting the reality that there are those who aren’t on that journey to hear. that’s okay. keep seeking kindreds to share your voice.
I love how God uses our young ones who have tender hearts and trusting love to comfort and lead us. Remebering the time my heart was so broken over a horrible situation and my teen aged son was my comfort with his strong arms in the middle of our living room in Asia as I sobbed over the deep betrayal. He loves us so much!
how sweet that memory is, Linda! Aw… so healing together… son and mom. how you must have poured love into your son’s heart over the years…. thanks for sharing such a tender moment.
I look forward to reading every word of your posts. This was a beautiful story of you and your son. I am going to check out the album as well. Thanks Bonnie.
you’re so sweet, Paula. thank you for being here with me on this journey. makes me so soul happy to know the words speak to you and we’re connected as kindreds on this journey. yes, Josh Wilson’s music — this album is fresh musically as well as live with lyrics that connect. i’m so happy to share what touches my heart with you.
Bonnie,
You beautifully unfurled this experience for us to share it with you . . . and what an inspiration to invite others to share the untold pieces of their own broken yet beautiful stories.
i can’t help but share this unexpected moment, knowing there must be so many of these moments tucked in your journeys too, Valerie. so grateful i have kindreds like you, as this journey unfolds. how are you doing?
Bonnie, You are a such an inspiration for my own journey, as I hold on to what God has whispered to my heart and hope for what has not yet come to pass . . . it is a joy to accompany you and be encouraged by what God is doing in your life!
Hi Bonnie, I thank God for you and I have been wanting to thank you for not staying silent. God brought your blog to me when I needed it the most. I ordered your book, it is sitting pretty waiting for me to open it. When I read your blog earlier this month, and searching through archives, I realized we are on similar paths. And I sent your blog to a friend who is as well. Your words make me cry, but it is a good cry I think. It feels like a release of a wall of fear, to let courage in. I am not alone, far from it. Yes I have God, but I have sisters in Christ who are hurting in a similar way. I had suffered from a mental illness for 10 years with a decade of group therapy, individual therapy, classes, IOP, heavy medication, hospitalization, anxiety, panic attacks and suicidal ideations, psychosis… But I knew deep down what I needed to do. I just did not have the strength, courage or know how. God healed me exactly 2 years ago, he took all the suicidal thoughts, negative thoughts, and psychosis. And gave me joy I had never experienced even though I had known him since the 90’s. And I poured my heart and time into God. But there was a lot of anger to deal with, a lot. At the beginning of this year God told me to cut off my relationship with my mother. The thing I knew I needed to do, for all of my adult life, but never could. So I did. And the panic attacks came. But he held me close, and spoke calming loving words to me, and reassured me over and over. He is with me, holding my right hand. I do not need to fear. He helped me forgive my mother, and he is helping me to keep forgiving my mother. But the loss of family, any family, is devastating. I grieve daily. But I have my now family. And they are wonderful! I have children like yours. They know a little about my story, but not enough, because they keep asking questions. And the answers are not good enough. I will heed your advice. To not hold back, when I should not. To be honest about my feelings with age appropriateness. My children only get anxious when they seem me sad or crying. They want to know why. Because they wonder if they are causing the grief. But they are not. God is holding our children, Bonnie, God is in control, they are His children… Give Thanks to The Lord, For He is Good, His Love Endures Forever!!! Keep your eyes on Jesus and keep loving Him. The Hillsong United song “Oceans” has been a great blessing to me as well.
Jen, I am so happy to hear how you did what you feel God is leading you to do… to put boundaries to protect your heart and begin a new journey with Him, apart from the toxicity of your mother. I hope this post enourages you to share your story with your children and not hold back. Esp since they are adults. As I’m confronting the truth and realities of my past, I cannot tell you how freeing it is, to know & grieve what I only guessed. The truth is better than silence. thanks for being vulnerable here. hugs. happy with you for this new beginning!
Thank you Bonnie, for your reply! Truth is always better than silence. I must be vulnerable to help combat my fears and setbacks. God is my refuge and strong tower, he is my shield. He is the one who fights my battles, not I. If God is for me, who can be against me. I recently learned about these Hebrew names for God ‘Maon, Machseh, Magen, Metsuda, Migdal-Oz” = Dwelling place, Refuge, Shield, Fortress, Strong Tower. Wanted to share…
I don’t need man’s approval, only His. Christ has comforted me and I know it is so I can comfort others along my path.
This touches my heart in so many ways. I cannot yet talk about my story, about my son, about his death to very many people. To compound the sorrow, last year my mother wrote a hate-filled letter to me, saying for the first time in the 23 years since my son’s death, that she had always blamed me. She said he died believing no one loved him. There’s more, but I can’t bring myself to write the words. Your God-inspired book has helped me more than you will ever know. I am finding the spiritual whitespace, the much needed rest for the necessary healing on this road of forgiveness. For now, the letter has been prayed over, sealed with hot, red wax with a cross pressed into it and offered as a sacrifice to my Heavenly Father. I asked Him to take that burden because I cannot bear it. It has become a symbol of my new covenant with the God who sees me. Bonnie, I pray that you will be lifted on high, realizing how the Lord is using your words to help so many of us find our own voice. “…those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”
God Bless you Diane. May God use your sorrow, & perhaps it will help you & others, May you one day find :Peace” & I will pray for your Mom too. Sounds like she needs it. but know you are not alone. We are never alone. God Bless You, Disne.
Just beautiful and wonderful and healing and perfect. Thank you.
Sheryl, I feel so grateful to have kindreds ike you with this journey. You were here before this all started happening.. and now, we cna share together. How are you doing, friend? 🙂
I’m so thankful for the kindred spirit I’ve found in you!
I’m . . . hmmmmm . . . meh. Trying to figure out what to do for grad school. Feeling like at 50 I should have a little more figured out. Thinking of a million things to write when I’m away from anything to write with/on and then coming up with nothing when I sit down. Grief is a sneakily winding trail, isn’t it?
Much love to you!
Dearest Bonnie, I thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story. Sometimes children understand profound truths even better than some adults. I am so glad this ‘risk’ worked out so well for everyone concerned. The song you shared really helped me to help someone else today in Jesus’ Name and Honor. Plus, I shared another copy of your book with another someone in need of a friend and rest. May we all continue to be gently and kindly blessed by His Wisdom, Understanding and Knowledge in Christ, Author and Finisher of our Faith.♥☻
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing my book with another friend. It’s friends like you that is bringing this book to light to other friends, one book at a time — one precious journey at a time. What a gift you are as a friend! May God bless you with friends to encourage you as you are to me and others.
“Children are more hurt by our silence than by the truth.
When we keep things secret, children feel isolated and lonely without answers. Telling him the truth frees him from the anxiety of trying to figure life out on his own. He has you.”
So glad you found Dr. S, Bonnie. Like others, my world was surrounded by the silence of parents that definitely made me feel very isolated and lonely.
Since reading Finding Spiritual Whitespace, I am finally leaving that place.
I can’t tell you how much I resonate and literlly understand what you say when you say, “I am finally leaving that place.” I’m learning it’s a continual step of faith to keep leaving…. as I’ve been there so long… Jesus is my strength, so eventually the new places I’m learning to go to will feel more like home than the other place that I’ve stayed so long. I can’t tell yo uhow much it means to me to know others are finding their Spiritual Whitespac e– a nd together, we are leaving to experience a new journey together. Hearts free & awakened! xo
Well…once again…crying through your story. What an absolutely beautiful tale. I just kind of felt your now family was very special. How awesome our God is…..to have brought you to this point in time. Blessings to you and yours. Thanks for sharing.
i feel so special that you are part of my now community… that i can share this unfolding journey together.. thnx for being here… i hope this week holds pockets of rest and joy for you, beth.
Oh Bonnie, what a very special memory you and your son will have forever. You have a very wise little man there who is growing up with much godly wisdom. Thank you for sharing your very heartfelt story with us.
i’m so touched to hear your words.. thank you for being with me on this journey, sharing this moment as it unfolds. i hope you’re well this week with rest tucked in, just for you, Lori.
Bonnie, I bought your book! Reading it now and loving your story. I, too, have had to share the same kind of conversation with my kids. It’s tricky “honoring your father and mother” while straddling the healing truth. But God gives grace- and practical help in situations like the one you described.
I can’t wait to hear how the book is speaking to you, Shannon– as you make your way through the pages of your own story through each chapter. Let me know how it goes.
Oh Bonnie…talk about perfect timing ! I have been trying to deal with recent panic attacks, and trying to mentor a younger Mum who has them too…your post is so very timely and well…BEAUTIFUL. Josh Wilson is my favourite artist..I play his songs in my car..but I hadn’t heard this one..my cd is several years old.
Wow… I am over-joyed to read of your son’s wonderful response..God gave him the words you desperately needed to hear, right?
May God continue to anoint your ministry to many and your relationship with your dear son.
With love,
Mary, New Zealand.
a warm hello to you in New Zealand, sweet kindred! mary, i’m so happy to know this post spoke to you on your journey. thnx for taking the time to share… btw, have a you had a chance to read my book yet? i think you & your younger mum friend will enjoy sharing stories with the journaling prompts there. i wrote them for intimate, connecting conversations….
I just had a chance to read this.
That moment in Chili’s with your son … wow – so special. Got me choked up; I can imagine how it must have touched your heart. Beautiful!
i know, nina… had to cry (good tears) while writing this post… 🙂 how is your moving going/gone? 🙂
Packing, packing, and more packing. 🙂 But all is well. We have a house to move into. We’ve got PODS scheduled to arrive next week, and several friends lined up to help load. Plus, I am decluttering and donating things along the way. Feels good to lighten the load before we make the transition.
We plan to start heading toward Texas on the 24th; we’ll be there in time to have Thanksgiving dinner with Bart’s family. God’s got it all under control. 🙂
What a precious story and such a “wise” son!
thnx, Hazel!
Bonnie,
What a blessing you are! This story about your son hit home. I too have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. It is just what I needed ! Thank you for the encoragement and I look forward to purchasing your book. I am a Josh Wilson fan also. I didn’t know he suffered from panic attacks as well. Looking forward to listening to his album. Thanks again. God knew exactly where to direct me to this morning. God Bless, Lisa
I wasn’t ready to read this when you published it, but today was a good day to catch up. I had a moment with my daughter where she told me how much she loved God (she loves him the size of the whole universe!) and we had a moment of pure shared joy and delight. It made me so happy for her to share that moment with me. And then it made me so sad because little Morag couldn’t share her heart like that with anybody. After a week of feeling like a terrible mother I also remembered that I grew up with no ‘I love you”s from anyone and now my life is full of those three little words and I no longer feel anxious saying or receiving them. I can’t be a terrible mother if we all are sure we love each other and say so, right?! It feels good to know that things are different that it is possible for me to break the trend.
i love how we can spend time together this way.. when you feel drawn to enjoy our time together… and to hear that it is speaking to you too… and to hear your mom moment… it encouraged me, Morag. i can be so hard on myself… in fact, i went to go speak at a moms group yesterday, and your comment here .. you sharing inspired me to share my own experience .. it got me thinking, why is it so easy fo rme to worry whether i’m doing a good job as a mom.. so, ghank you for sharing so vulnerably… you ARE a good mom. i love you’s — our kids’ stories are ALREADY changing towards being loved. 🙂 hugs!
Hi, Bonnie, just now getting to this post. Thank you for sharing this post about sharing with your son. It is encouraging to me as I continue on th unique journey of raising my niece from a very dysfunctional family. Thank you. Cindy
dear cindy, God bless you for taking this slow and real journey of raising your niece. be sure to take time to nurture your soul, as you are pouring so much in. you’re heart is important to fill and feed. you’re doing soul work. thank you for your encouraging words.
“It’s okay. Mom. That was your growing up family. Now, me, Caleb and Daddy are your now family. We love you now.” These words echo what was spoken to me by my younger son Brandon, as his heart was touched that I don’t have siblings or parents. “You have us now, Mom” he said with a smile. I grew up an only child to a single mother who passed away in 2005, when Brandon was 10 months old. God has blessed me with a husband and three children and He has His special way of healing hurts and bringing new blessings. Josh Wilson’s music has been blessing our family for more than a year, and we have enjoyed personal time with him at two concerts, most recently at the Carry Me tour in Maryland. I was searching for a photo of Josh and Becca online and found your site. I’m so glad to hear your words of encouragement and I know I’ll be reading your book very soon. Thank you for faithfully sharing your story.
wow…this is all so strange to read. i found your blog after finding compassion last week and deciding to sponsor a child. i am beginning to think there’s more to it than that. i ordered your book today because after reading your blog posts about going to dominican republic and getting a hint or two from your blog that your childhood may not have been ideal, and finding that you had anxiety and panic, i was beginning to feel like we had some things in common. then i read this about your experience at a concert of a singer i don’t know, and realize you may be my josh wilson. i’ll think on that as i read your book when it arrives. we may have similar stories. oh, and i do so love your blog already!
oh, i CANNOT WAIT for you to read Finding Spiritual Whitespace. Get a journal ready, though — Sharon, I’m taking you on a soul journey tour — and i want to encourage you to do the prompts at the end of the chapter. there’s where the soul moments happen, as you uncover your story and make space to journey and find your spiritual whitespace! 🙂 i would LOVE to celebrate you and your Compassion child… if you feel up for it, send me a pic of your child (you can take screenshot of the photo online) & a pic of you and I’ll share with our community. not to boast (no way!) but just to celebrate what God is doing through our community to inspire others to do the same. 😉 send the pic to me at faithbarista@gmail.com