“Joy does not simply happen to us.
We have to choose joy and keep choosing it everyday.”
~ Henri Nouwen
{a quiet find in the fog one morning}
Eric and I were driving to Carmel for a weekend anniversary getaway last month.
It was a welcome reprieve after three months of releasing my new book, Finding Spiritual Whitespace. I had completed more than 20 interviews and even more articles to get the word out about the book.
I had journeyed through an unexpected two years of debilitating anxiety from reliving painful memories from childhood trauma, as a result of writing the manuscript. So giving birth to this book is something I’m deeply grateful for.
But, after surrounding myself with a lot “spiritual whitespace” — rest and rejuvenation — to heal and write this book, I found the sudden re-entry into the blogosphere noisy and anxiety generating.
I reached a crossroad that perhaps you may be standing in.
Should I keep pushing myself to produce and perform — fearful of what the consequences might be if I stopped to slow?
Or should I listen to the quiet Voice of Love — God’s voice — to make room to feed my soul and cultivate my experience of God in my everyday life rather than what I could produce for Him?
Is there a decision you’re facing that makes you fearful of how relevant you would become — if you put the care of your soul in priority?
For me, the journey to become the beloved, rather than a brand, is where God is speaking to my heart.
Online life can be enriching and imaginative, connecting us with others on the same faith journey or struggle with similar challenges — when we can be honest about our journey. Through blogging, I have found kindred spirits who gave me courage to find my voice through the dark times.
But, online life also gets complicated because of social networking and social media.
Social networking. It’s a collection of people vying for attention, for their products, platform and messages.
Social media. It’s the tools used to market and garner influence.
Brand influence is a commodity that is produced by working hard to cultivate an identity and audience.
But you and I are not products.
Real Influence
Spiritual influence — the way Jesus cultivated it — is a quality of the soul that enables us to feel intimacy with God and vulnerability with others.
True influence cannot be measured but experienced in our everyday lives — by the strangers we meet, our friends, spouses, children, teachers, co-workers, and even our own selves with Jesus — in the daily grind.
Real influence is a quality of the soul that enables others to feel at home with us — more loved, comforted, accepted and known — because we feel at home with God. As is.
Those moments are often quiet and small.
Soul Loneliness
At the soul of who God made us — where Psalmist David calls “the innermost being” — God first touched dirt and fashioned in us the capacity to create and dream, to need Him and each other.
He created a soul in each of us.
The soul does not survive on successes and the soul cannot be fed with productivity or achievement.
The soul becomes lonely.
The Atlantic published a powerful article sharing new research that suggests we have never been lonelier because of social media, even though we are more densely networked than ever. All this loneliness is making us mentally and physically ill.
“…within this world of instant and absolute communication, unbounded by limits of time or space, we suffer from…
To be continued…
To Read The Rest Of the Story
…To read the rest of the story “You Are Not a Brand. You Are Beloved.” – click here to join me over at DaySpring’s (in)courage site, where today’s post is published.
Take a virtual coffee break together. I’d love to be with you there.
13 Comments
Wow. Such a timely and articulate post. Lately I’ve been struggling to find the measure of God’s approval in my ministry life. Your words locked my thoughts into place.
God measures my success- not by the numbers, but by the quality of my relationships. He is speaking specifically about the way I treat my husband and kids.
When I begin to justify neglecting those closest to me for the pursuit of influence, He’s not in it. Anything He calls me to give myself to will bless and feed my primary ministry- my family.
that influence when we invest it it, actually frees our hearts to give more authentically to others – in our ministry — and it won’t feel like we’re totally sapped and drained after doing so. But, it’s definitely counter culture because it seems “faster” and more “productive” to go outside in – instead of inside out. It’s okay, we’re loved by God and He understands and is very patient with us. Go love on your hubby and children … it’ll fill you with light that you can’t help shine/ooze out in your ministry… a by product of real influence. Thanks for sharing so authentically, Shannon! #kindreds
Hello Bonnie,
I have read again and again how social media makes us feel more disconnected. It is ironic that when I see I have this x number of friends on Facebook and yet I still feel alone and lonely and not able to fully connect with them. Yes, I occasionally share my status and post pictures and would be so excited to see how many people clicked like, but the excitement fades so quickly, the connection is so fleeting… I have to guard myself not to be so dependent on getting approval and affirmation from how many likes or comments I would get from my posts…I need to draw my strength and joy from the Lord. Thank you for your very insightful and timely . Oh, I love that prayer, ” God, give me the courage to choose the quiet unknown journey you’re inviting me to experience with you….” Please pray for me to always invite God to invade my lonely moments. Thank you!
yes, it’s like a quick fix — a hit that only lasts for that moment. i hope you can find a friend in the skin — those connections don’t leave us but fills us with a real memory. thanks for sharing. good to find a #kindred.
I love this, Bonnie, and it is so timely. Joining you on this journey to become the Beloved, not a brand. I’ve been getting too overwhelmed again lately. Now I’m sick again, and God keeps telling me to “Just rest, My child, just rest.” Not only physically, but emotionally not always striving to please others or make them “feel” more cared about. I am trying to put less pressure on myself to perform and concentrate more on devoting myself to God and His filling me and leading me. This especially speaks to my heart – “Real influence is a quality of the soul that enables others to feel at home with us — more loved, comforted, accepted and known – because we feel at home with God. As is.”
I hope you’ll find some sweetness and go opposite of what all the pressure and voices are saying. Be you! Even if for a moment, you find a prompting – do it as a radical act of rest! 🙂 grace and peace, Trudy!
[…] the day… Bonnie Gray [Faith Barista, author of Finding Spiritual Whitespace*], posted about not being a brand, but being beloved. She started her post with a quote from Henri Nouwen – it was almost the same as what […]
[…] happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it everyday.” ~ Henri Nouwen (quoted by Bonnie Gray in her post at […]
This post is actually along the lines of where my mind has been going. I am very thankful about my decision from the beginning that my blogging would not be about branding but about sharing my experiences, daily tidbits of life and connecting with others. So in many ways, this has kept me grounded. But when social media comes in– it can cause one to forget the initial good intentions and get lost in the recognition and the “hey, I have one more follower. woohoo!” mentality rather than the “thank you God for allowing me one more person to touch by shring my story”.
i love how aware you are of the two persepctives we can carry… one is soul-feeding. and the other puts this whole blogging thing into the performance bucket. 😉 thanks for sharing, Maria. blessings as you share your heart and journey online! go, sister!
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thank you, Jerry!
Gosh, I needed to hear this today… in the scramble and jostling to get my own blog and writing up to par, worrying about what readers need to hear, what outlets I need to understand, all of that doesn’t even compare to taking a breath, retreating to my own personal quiet space, and asking God for His touch on my life as first priority. He must come first in all things, or all things will have a hold we can’t shake.
I thank God for your encouraging and very real words.