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Why We Shouldn’t Move Past What Hurts Us (VIDEO)

By Bonnie Gray • February 5, 2015 • 21 Comments

{feel free to share this Words for Your Soul Goodie}

As Christians, shouldn’t we move past whatever hurts us?

You’ll be shocked, as I was, to hear what my friend Sally said to me when I confided that I felt stuck & depressed. I drove three hrs to create today‘s Soul Mocha Video for you, to visit with Sally, one of my CLOSEST confidantes, a mentor who has known me since I was 28 years old.

After months struggling to shake off my troubles by doing everything I could to move past it on my own with God, I was TERRIFIED to tell someone what was happening in my heart!

But, the journey of finding rest with God makes no short cuts. He wants all of us. Even the parts we feel shameful and try to bury, He longs to love, confide & journey with Him.

Along with what I shared in my book Finding Spiritual Whitespace in “Chapt 2: Wallpapered Memories” & “Chapt 3: Toy Store” — I drove 140 miles to video this conversation with Sally, to give an intimate behind-the-scenes story. To offer some heart-felt words of encouragement. Just for you.

Click here to watch this video.I’m SO EXCITED to share these pearls of wisdom from my closest confidante. I think you’ll find it worth the viewing! 🙂 This is the encouragement God gave to prioritize creating spiritual whitespace in my life.:

book club Spiritual Whitespace video #2

The journey of finding rest with God makes no short cuts. He wants all of us. Even the parts we feel shameful.

Are there parts of your feelings or story that you put to the side, because you feel God wouldn’t want it? It’s soul exhausting to bury our stress & hide the deepest parts of our hearts with God and others. And wish it will go away. 

We often bury what stresses us because we’re afraid what it would mean if we faced them. We’re afraid to actually stop and feel and take time for us. Maybe we’re afraid of what we’ll find in that stillness?

The stresses we’ve hidden deep inside finally emerge when we can no longer bolt down what we fear most: our wounded selves.

[OUR DAILY WORD CROISSANT]

“Do not hide Your face from me…
Do not abandon me nor forsake me…
For my father and my mother have forsaken me,
But the LORD will take me up.” Ps27:9-10

[SAVOR. Cups of Rest]

* Jesus says to us, what He said to the invalid waiting for hope at the pool for years! “Pick up your mat (whatever you’ve been holding) – let everyone see it, and follow me!”

* We adopt a role of being the strong one or the never-struggling one — we make a home (or a mat) to hide and wait for things to change, meanwhile ignoring our hearts and our stories.

* If we’re always hiding parts of ourselves because we think that’s how we get over it, spiritual whitespace will always fall last priority.

* To actually create space to nurture ourselves, we first need embrace that RECEIVING from God heals our heart – rather than pushing our deepest parts away from Him.

* Jesus accepted us as we are and longs for us to experience the gift of receiving!

[confide. PRAY] Dear God. I’m tired of being afraid to receive. I don’t know how to make time for myself. It feels weird to want something from you. Awaken my heart to receive & share all parts of my story & memories with you — even if I think I should be over it. Help me to give all of myself to you, not just the parts I think are good.

[SHARE] Do you find it hard or easy to receive?
How is God asking you to follow Him
—  what is the mat God wants you to pick up?

~~~~

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WhitespaceBookClub_final_010315This is a quiet place for kindreds & conversation.

** Who can you share this encouragement with today? **

{ Today’s post is part of my online Spiritual Whitespace {Face}Book Club. It’s free! You can join anytime by liking my Facebook Page. Order a copy of the book and grab a journal! Find out more & read about it here https://www.thebonniegray.com/bookclub }

 

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beloved_brews_faithbarista_badge1) To join this linkup, please use the Beloved Brews Badge in your blog post & place a link back to http://bit.ly/belovedbrews in your post. It’s a welcome sign, so we can recognize you are part of this community when we visit & invites others to join.

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3) Visit & comment on the post before yours. Saying hi refreshes the heart when you feel heard. This is how we make this community is real!

Next Thursday’s 2/5/15 Writing Prompts:  pick one prompt::1) share what inspired you about God this week or share a story/insight/experience as God’s beloved  2) Do you find it hard or easy to receive?  3) For those doing the book club: read Chapt 2: Wallpapered Memories & Chapt 3: The Toy Store. Journal anything that comes from your reading.)
Next Thursday’s 2/12/15 Writing Prompts:  pick one prompt:
:1) Share a picture of yourself as a little girl with your blog post. Write about what you enjoyed doing as a little girl ALONG WITH a memory of you enjoying that something you cherish.  2) For those doing the book club: read Chapt 4: Cut up & Chapt 5: The Basement. Journal anything that comes from your reading.)

approach it any way you want. be you.

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21 Comments

  • Reply Sought Out - Jeannie Pallett February 5, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    […] https://www.thebonniegray.com/2015/02/why-we-shouldnt-move-past-what-hurts-us/  […]

  • Reply Kamea Hope February 5, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Hi Bonnie,

    Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom today. This lesson of learning to trust God with EVERYTHING, even the things we wish we could hide even from ourselves, is one that I have been learning over the past couple of years. When I was a little girl, my life was completely shattered through the selfishness of others. For years I tried to lock all of the hurt deep within me. But that only led to further harm and brokenness. I am learning to open my heart to my loving, heavenly Father and to allow Him to bring healing and restoration. It has been an incredibly difficult journey, but I am seeing the wondrous promises of God being fulfilled in my life, day-by-day.

    I am newly sharing my story of healing at incrementalhealing.wordpress.com
    I would love it if you’d stop by and share your thoughts.

    Blessings,
    Kamea

    • Reply Dee February 5, 2015 at 3:52 pm

      Thanks for sharing your heart, Kamea! It is encouraging to others when we share our stories. Of course, we need to be in a safe place. Many people do not understand the process of grief and healing. I’m just so glad Bonnie has opened the door and shared her story so we can feel safe to share ours. I am looking forward to visiting your blog! God bless and keep you! ~ Dee

      • Reply Kamea Hope February 6, 2015 at 6:04 am

        Dee,

        Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You are right that many people do not understand the process of grief and healing. The journey is often long and difficult, but there is hope! Thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your compassion and encouragement there as well. Although we have only just ‘met’, I can see that you are a light in this world, shining the hope of Christ to the world around you.

        Many blessings,
        Kamea

    • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 8:41 pm

      I just have to say Me Too

      • Reply Kamea Hope February 6, 2015 at 6:06 am

        Dearest Lisa,

        I am always heartbroken to hear that someone understands so well. I am praying for you!

        May God richly bless you from His tender heart of love,
        Kamea

  • Reply Trudy February 5, 2015 at 1:40 pm

    I love this video, Bonnie and Sally. Thank you both! My counselor also said to me one, “Remember, it’s ok to allow yourself be depressed.” I’ll admit I was kind of stunned at the time, too. But I’m learning it’s part of the process of healing. Love the story, too, about taking up our mat and following Jesus. God bless you both!

  • Reply Dee February 5, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    A few mornings ago, I felt an uneasiness in the pit of my stomach. These feelings come and go as I process life and work through recovery as a child of an alcoholic family system. Debris of the wounds float the surface of my consciousness from time to time. I know something is about to bubble up when there is an unnameable heaviness inside. So…about two weeks ago…that unease stirred inside. I’d woken early and sat by the fire reading my meditation books and writing in my journal. When the feeling came, I felt God encouraging me to lie down watching the flames and relax. As the flames steady dance played before me, I began to share with Him soul to soul. Deep feelings of anger pushed upward, and I poured out these feelings to Him. I’d tried to suppress these …shoving them down deep. After they had been released and tears fell in torrents, I began to feel free and light. We all try to be ‘good’ and keep those ‘bad’ feelings locked up tight, but God understands and wants us to share them…even if they come back again because the wounds are deep. This is how I take up my mat and follow Him. I’ve learned I can be honest with God and He doesn’t judge me. It’s a process separating how to be with people and how to be real with God. Being real with God helps me be more real with others. I may still not be totally ‘out there’ with everyone else, but I beginning to be more so. It’s taking time, but I am more whole and less afraid of what others think…not all the way there…but journeying forward with faith.

    • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      Dee thank you so much for sharing the process you are experiencing. It helps put some words to my struggle.

  • Reply Jacinta February 5, 2015 at 6:58 pm

    It’s scary how God pulls off the wallpapers and unravels memories that I’ve long “forgotten” about. Yet, it’s so beautiful how He is so intimately connected to the whole of our lives! He is there, even in the ugly and painful…

    • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 8:43 pm

      This is scary Jacinta and I can’t wait to see what is going to come out of this messy broken self. I trust that only good will come out.

  • Reply Irene February 5, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    Thank you all for sharing your hearts; at this time, I’m at the other end in that I’ve been through the shame, etc. and have lived to tell about it. God was so faithful during those times. It gave me hope that whatever may come, I am not alone and that I can trust God with my heart, my life, and all that concerns me. (Philippians 1:6) I’m so loving the book, the journaling and the journey. Thank you Bonnie.

    • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 8:45 pm

      Irene that is so encouraging to hear. He is faithful and that Is why I am giving Him my all. Shame is really hard for me to overcome. But I am starting to get a glimpse into how His love sets me free from lies that I have believed. Love to hear more of your story Irene.

  • Reply Mary Hill February 5, 2015 at 8:50 pm

    My tears are flowing because this is so me right now. I am in a struggle that I shared briefly about today. I am praying through it and trying to wait for God to show me where to go next. Thank you for your words and the video today. I love the story it touched me. It was sad, but so hopeful. Shame is the Satan’s tool when God is working through you to refine you. Thank you for the openness because it is so helpful.

    • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Mary as i read your post, I got to thinking a bit about shame. I remember a time in my life when I was in deep shame and I was suffering post traumatic stress from an abusive relationship. God would take me to those places that I was hurt and He would reveal to me the lie I believed in that place. I remember giving it to Him and in that moment I felt Jesus there raising me up. It was an amazing thing. I pray for all of us who are in this study together, that we see Jesus in the midst of our hurts. And that we all receive what Jesus says about us.

  • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Bonnie I am so moved by your story. I feel like I’m in a whirlwind now. I have started taking daily walks and talking with God. I’m hearing Him. He is such a gentle and kind Father. He has been showing me some things in my life that I need to pay attention too and trust Him with. 1. My heart broke to pieces as a child when my Dad kicked my brother out of our family. 2. I fell apart when my Brother got incarcerated for life. 3. My Dad died almost two years ago. 4. I’m overcoming guilt for hating my Dad’s ways and at the same time I am missing all that I love about him. All these things have been traumatic moments for me that I have not completely processed. I believe that in each of these experiences lies came swarming in attacking me. I am still a little girl left on my past experience and that part of me has not grown up. I feel that God desires to take me back to these life events and help me process them as an adult who is ready to get unstuck. I feel blind and I believe God will help me see more clearly. To walk down the path of grieving is scary because it is going to be sad. God might ask me to go do something that I don’t want to do. But I will go there as long as He goes before me. And He will. He has before. But this one is very scary. I feel shaky and yet I must be a mommy and wife. I worry about breaking and not being able to function. So I’m holding back a bit. Because God is a gentle God and He knows the perfect time to help me overcome. A little messy comment as I’m processing and becoming aware right now as I write. Yes writing sets us free. Bonnie thank you.

    • Reply Dee February 5, 2015 at 9:27 pm

      You’re processing a lot and juggling a lot. I remember times like that and sometimes it felt so overwhelming. What I know on the other side of all the busyness, responsibilities and healing seemingly all at once is that God is holding you close and helping you in His mysterious ways. I struggled with depression and anxiety while raising my two children. Life was an uphill battle. But now…the calm after that big storm is settling around me. My children are now adults. My son and his wife are expecting their first child and my daughter has found her forever love. They will marry this spring. I’m seeing the fruits of my prayers and the work in recovering from effects of a dysfunctional family. I think it’s all a total miracle. I always say, ‘God helped me raise those children, and He did it with such quiet grace.’ Hang in. He is blessing you day by day.

      • Reply Lisa Brown February 5, 2015 at 9:39 pm

        Dee thank you – your words are truly encouraging. I receive. Depression is knocking me around a bit. And as you share – it’s going to take lots of prayer, rest, and trusting. Thanks for taking the time to encourage me tonight. I’ll probably read your reply over and over again.

  • Reply Meghan Weyerbacher February 6, 2015 at 5:50 am

    Bonnie, this video really touched my heart this morning. I remember sharing what I call my weak spot yesterday on Facebook with everyone, then wondered if I had done the right thing because I made myself vulnerable to what others might think (that this Christian should be over her past mistakes by now!) But I felt in that moment that God was saying He wanted to use the experiences I went through to help others and not to worry about what others thought of me. That is hard to do and I get upset that it is hard to do! I do not yet have your book Spiritual Whitespace, but I have been keeping up on your posts because I feel like the words you share speak life so directly to me sometimes and do not want to miss a nugget of Truth that God may be wanting to say through you. There have been so many dark moments my husband and I have came through over the coarse of being together 13 years (and I am only 29) but I have watched how (even when I wasn’t really living right in all the choices I was making) God was with us and was faithful during all those times I was scared and down, when I would utter little cried for help or cry feeling alone, but deep down knowing He was there (because it was planted in me when I was young praise the Lord). Your post today spoke specifically to an area in my life that was hidden and over with (though I had sought forgiveness from God and my husband) but last year came to light right in front of some friends. Years and years ago when my husband and I were engaged he made some bad choices and I sought to rectify myself (I was hurt and justified it) by being with someone else too. It is about a 6 month area of my life I dont like think about because growing up knowing God, how could I do something like this? There’s more to the story but fast forward 11 years later and we finally find a church we think is amazing and this other guy ends up being there. I am not sure what will become of all this except I know it is in God’s hands. We no longer go to that church because last spring when I discovered he went there I told my husband about how it was great that he and the other guy could talk normal, but I felt like I was the messed up one from using this man and hiding so much in the past. God almost immediately led us somewhere else and confirmed it many times over, and this other guy also got married shortly after they all go to the other church now which is what I was praying for. I think the nightmare in my gut was I was afraid to stay, because I felt so torn inside. And I didn’t want to be the cause of him leaving. But I don’t think he would have left, so God showed me through that out of everyone it was ME who needing healing. I didnt realize for all these years I have not forgiven MYSELF. I am sorry this is so long. This is one of a couple areas of my life I havent really every shared with anyone on a deep level. I think this is helping me realize God is not ashamed of my past, because I am trusting Him with my life, but that He wanted me to see what still needed to be worked out of me that was buried deep down. I am going to continue to pray about this and write down thoughts and see how God is going to use this experience for my good and others too. Love and Blessings

  • Reply Kim Salmans February 6, 2015 at 7:09 am

    What an amazing friend you have in Sally. This video is full of love and acceptance. As I continue on my own journey, it inspires me to stay strong and do as Jesus is leading me. Ignore the fears of the outside world and stay focused on Jesus and His healing plan. I thank you for your wonderful book and your desire to open up and share your heart that many others can feel free to do the same, knowing we have support from a world of friends!

  • Reply Esther February 8, 2015 at 7:02 pm

    I am struck by this phrase in the prayer, “Awaken my heart to receive & share all parts of my story & memories with you.” It amazes me that my heart may have cried out for this before I even knew what I was longing for. Life is full of struggles. Stresses at work. Messy home, although love and laughterful, thanks to sillly adorable children. Long unemployed spouse. Financial worries…I find that when I am most overwhelmed, I often aggravate problems with some of those patterns of coping, relating, etc. that you referred to in chapter 2. Now that God made it possible to seek wise counsel, I find that revisiting my story out loud is helping me to process what I have lived through and gain perspective on myself and my heart. I am curious what speaking in my full voice will sound like. It is something to find confirmation to whisperings I think I’ve heard related to my voice!

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