“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” St. Augustine
{my images are free goodies for you to enjoy & share}
I’m trying to sleep. But I can’t.
I know I shouldn’t worry so much. So why am I still lying here in the dark awake? I’ve closed my eyes and said my prayers. Yet my bed tosses me far from comfort and release.
Have you ever had trouble falling asleep?
This is what I asked my friend Ayaka Lu and I’d like to share our soulful conversation with you in the video below.
Soul Mocha Video: A Vulnerable Conversation
Ayaka confides very vulnerably about a painful chapter in her life. Maybe most of us would be tempted to hide it away. But, Ayaka discovered the beauty of spiritual whitespace — soul rest — in the loving arms of God. And her heart is free to share it all with us today.
I felt so honored by Ayaka’s story. It is the first time I heard her tell it and because these Soul Mocha Videos are unscripted, I’m so excited to share this moment with you. We shot this video at the marshlands of East Palo Alto, California.
Soulful EPA Made Trio Giveaway
By Tuesday 3/17/15: Watch the video and share a comment: what spoke to you? Comment to enter and win a soulful trio by EPA Made to inspire nurturing moments of rest.
all natural soy wax scented candles, hand-poured and necklace upcycled by marginalized young mothers finding hope in East Palo Alto, created by EPA Made.
Woodland Soy Candle: fir & citrus notes
Ocean Soy Candle: musk & orange notes
Rustic Dove Necklace: upcycled by the single mothers.
EPA Made is a beautiful testament to God’s healing and restoration. EPA Made is a faith-inspired non-profit Ayaka & her husband Allen Lu founded that gives 100% proceeds to create jobs & benefit marginalized families in East Palo Alto, California (named the “Murder Capital of the U.S.A”, bordering tech company Facebook & nearby Google). Prior to becoming a stay-at-home-mom, Ayaka worked as a designer, noted for her work in innovative design research. click to browse the EPA Made Shop.
Self Care: A Soul’s Journey
Left to our own devices, we prefer doing something about my struggle to sleep—rather than bringing our struggling selves to Jesus.
Self-care is a lot more intimate. It’s more vulnerable to say—
I need loving. I don’t want to do it all. I need others. I need rest.
Self-care allows us to hear God whisper in return —
You don’t have to do it all. You are my beloved.
Learning to nurture ourselves frees us to practice resting in God’s love for us.
A Promise: His Beloved
It may feel selfish prioritizing our well-being because someone else’s needs may not be met. It can involve major life changes or small, nuanced changes to take care of yourself.
But self-care signals a new beginning: becoming the beloved.
– investigate why our hearts feel restless.
– surrender what needed to be let go.
– prioritize taking care of yourself.
God invites each of us to become His beloved. Will you say yes?
Here below is an excerpt from my book Finding Spiritual Whitespace: 5 Movements of Self-Care.
Five Movements of Self-Care
1. Signal Rest to Your Body
I had to learn to be kind to my body. I knew how to push my body to the max, but I didn’t know how to care for it when it was weary.
Ask yourself: what I would do for a friend — if she were feeling dizzy, nauseated, and sleep-deprived? I would buy her flowers. Give her bath gel with natural aromatherapy. Play soothing music in the evenings for her. I took longer hot baths in the evening. I turned off my computer after 5:00 p.m. to detox my mind.
2. Eat Healthy for Pleasure
Nourish your body, to relieve it from the stress of not eating well. Jesus cares about eating. When he raised the little girl who was dead, the first thing he said was, “Give the little girl something to eat.”
Rather than skipping meals or eat on the run purely for functional reasons, take time to sit, enjoy your food. Chew slowly. Sip instead of gulp. Prepare meals with fruit, veggies, and protein. Just like we do for our kids. Do it for you.
3. Enjoying in-the-Skin Friends
When you’re feeling weary, find one or two friends who can feel at home with the tired you. Without the pressure of too much conversation.
Make new friends. Reconnect with old friends. Start putting in your calendar: “girls night out.”
4. Extending Self-Compassion: Name Your Stress
When you make a mistake, when you don’t feel like you’re doing your best and you’re failing—offer yourself the whitespace of self-compassion. To be human. To be loved.
Name your stress. I got this idea from Jesus’s visit to the Gerasenes just to free one man of his demons. The man was so tortured he couldn’t sleep at night either. Jesus asked the evil spirit what his name was. Jesus initiated this conversation. It is important to Jesus—naming what hurts us. We can name our anxious thoughts with him. He won’t turn away.
5. Share Your Story
Open up and investigate with others. Find others who recognize faith is organic, who are kind and gentle because they are in the process too. Be curious about other people’s stories. Listen. Ask questions.
Be curious about your own story. Journal. Find a therapist to help you ask questions, to navigate the mysteries of your story.
Beautiful Seed
Even in the storm of troubled sleep, God is alive and faithful to make something beautiful out of us. He’s carrying us in his arms. He’s planting beautiful seed for our journey—seed that’s thriving no matter where the journey takes us. That seed is Jesus. Alive in us. As is.
Make room for this seed of rest to grow. Nurture your heart and body.
So we can testify we are women who are daughters of a loving Father.
To be the beloved. Today.
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[THE DAILY WORD CROISSANT]
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me.” Ps. 139:9,10
~~~~~
What do you do to nurture your heart and your body?
Which of the 5 Movements of Self-Care do you crave most?
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{this post is part of the #SpiritualWhitespace Book Club. get a copy of my book Finding Spiritual Whitespace & join in. Click here to learn more.}
Serve up Your Beloved Brew Link Up
Whole-hearted Writing. You & Jesus.
Welcome to our Beloved Brews weekly link-up! Pour out a little love with your words every Thursday {publish any day. link-up on Thursdays}. Simply write a blog post from your heart about what God’s sharing with you and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? Share a comment. Visit thebonniegray.com to read the comments & share your voice too.
Optional Writing prompt: {write a blog post from your heart about what God’s sharing with you} or {share what keeps you up a night. which of the 5 movements of self-care are you craving most?}
Please use the Beloved Brews button in your blog post so others can join in with us {use this html code here}. When you link up your post, read & leave an encouraging comment on the post linked up just before yours. Thank you!
{Photo credit: photo thanks to artist alteredbyamber, who shared her #spiritualwhitespace moment with us.}
45 Comments
Some of my favorite ways to signal rest are a walk or even a drive outside. As a stay at home mom, I start to feel suffocated when I’m stressed and then I look around at all of the things I could/should be doing at home. I feel I can just communicate with God more, get away from the things that are worrying me, and still my mind when I’m walking or even sitting outside. I feel smaller and feel I get more perspective in open spaces. I also like a good book or movie (sort of an escape) but a very refreshing break for my worrying mind sometimes. I am thankful God is always there. The one aspect that I really am craving is someone to talk openly with…have those ugly cries and imperfect thoughts. I appreciate her honesty in sharing that in the video. It’s really hard when you feel stressed and then feel so shameful for your bad feelings on top of the stress you already have. I feel that’s where this journey is taking me. I’m a pleaser and emotional “stuffer”. I feel God is calling me to really be honest with him and trust him with my heart. Maybe he’ll even bring someone here in the flesh to have that openness with once I am comfortable even admitting my feelings. Thank you Bonnie for leading me and guiding me on this path <3 Have a blessed day!
I, too, struggle with sleep. I have for many years. I have always taken things to heart – I cry easily – and am easily bruised. I used to despise this part of myself. I was the cryer growing up. The child who drove my mother nuts and who was mocked for her tears. But I realize now that God gave me this tender heart for a reason. But many nights I do not sleep well because of my tender heart that breaks easily and feels deeply.
Our youngest son is serving in the U.S. military and a few years ago he was sent to Afghanistan to serve for a period of time – I told myself that while he was away, not only would I pray for him but I committed to myself to memorize Psalm 91 – the soldier’s Psalm. I told myself that if my son could do this hard thing – serve our country in a hostile environment that I could do a hard thing too. I memorized Psalm 91 and I am so glad I did. Many nights when sleep eludes me, I lie in bed and repeat this Psalm in my head. Often I pause on certain parts of the Psalm to think about them and how they pertain to my life and ask God what He wants me to hear Him telling me through His words. We have our son safely back from Afghanistan, and I have Psalm 91 tucked safely inside my head.
Thank you, both, for sharing. Your vulnerable honesty is refreshing and a blessing to others who struggle.
“Left to our own devices, we prefer doing something about my struggle to sleep—rather than bringing our struggling selves to Jesus.”
This is so true. I’ve struggled with insomnia for years now. One thing that I’ve learned that helps is centering prayer (meditation). Just trying to release my own thoughts and rest quietly in the arms of Jesus keeps those “what-if’s” at bay, as well as discourages the planning and scheduling I can do even in the middle of the night. 😉 Thanks for encouraging self-care, Bonnie. Too often we think of it is selfish, but it’s not.
For me, it’s worship songs that help open me up to God and help me give it all to Him, rather than to suppress it all. Right now, I love to listen (and sing along to!) Kari Jobe’s “I am not alone”. And it amazing how He meets me in my surrender, astounding me with His love and grace.
Meant to say that your number 4 has been a precious blessing to me: it’s in the naming of it, getting to the nitty gritty of it all that I’ve been able to better understand and in so doing let it (anger, fear, yearning, rejection, loneliness, lack of control) go and replace it with God’s truth in His Word.
Bonnie, I don’t often struggle with sleeplessness, but when I do, I use that quiet time to have a conversation with Jesus. He restores my soul. Before I know it, I am resting peacefully in His presence, and falling into fitful sleep. I love how you said to name your stress. Call it out! Tell it to leave! Beautiful thought! Thank you!
i love when you talked about the storm paul was in on the boat. so often i think we believe(or hope) if we just pray hard enough, or for the right things, our issues will disappear. of course we know in our heads that can’t be…the storms are there regardless. it’s such a good reminder to know that even paul suffered like us in the storms of life. when i can’t sleep, often times it’s because i am wrestling with a storm that can’t be changed. i roll the same things around and around in my head like a whirlwind….almost as if by thinking about it enough, i can figure out an answer. it helps me if i jot down the things i’m worried about….just write them down so i won’t forget them, but, at least for the moment, i can leave them. then i can rest. sometimes it works and sometimes not, but somehow knowing they are written down and i can look at them later, allows me to sleep. great giveaway by the way…love the necklace!
This is exactly what God is teaching me right now. First, who am I really? Then, what do I enjoy? What brings rest, joy, peace…what makes me feel His love and connect to Him. And then it’s another thing to be truly intentional and mindful while I enjoy these things so that the effect is lasting and real. Thank you Bonnie for being a voice and advocate for Gods heart for us and practical ways to experience that ourselves.
I, too, am having trouble staying asleep. I wake up in the night and the whirlwind of thoughts about my cares swoops in. Each issue turns every which way as I try to resolve it in my own strength. All the while I know this is not God’s way. I get up and come to my prayer chair and snuggle in, curling up in my Father’s lap and read His Word or soak in worship music. I know this is but a season and I look forward to night after night of restful, restorative sleep and resolution to my current situation, but this intimate time with my Abba in the still of the night is priceless. I am learning how to worship God in the midst of my trials.
The thing that stood out to me the most watching this video was the honesty. It is so refreshing! We don’t have to have it all together. Sometimes bad things happen that can flip your world upside down. I loved the practical, simple suggestions for running to God (writing out scripture, reading the psalms) and resting (a hot cup of something, taking in beauty).
Thank you for sharing your story Ayaka Lu. “we can know to be soothed by God’s word, but it doesn’t remove our human experience or the things that are hurtful to us” and “finding someone who will listen to my anger, doubts and hurts. I’m just going to be honest and not say the right things. God how could you take away or do this to me?” I needed to hear this Ayaka Lu.
Bonnie, when you said “you could express the questions and doubts about God and it was in the sharing of your doubts that you felt that nothing could seperate you from God’s love” this meant so much. It removes the shame and recognizes that God loves us in our humanness. He doesn’t expect perfection, only being honest about what we are going through and it’s ok to say that we are struggling,
Just like you Ayaka Lu, I am a visual person. I find rest and God’s presence in many places, but most profoundly in nature. Singing birds, colorful flowers, long walks, hot mugs of tea or coffee, and reading a good book. I used to think that Whitespace was a luxury, but I know it is what is needed to
Heal.
What a very sweet post, Bonnie. I simply loved your interview with darling Ayaka, too! What a sweet encouragement. Some of the things I do to get myself to relax is enjoy a nice scented bath & bring along a book & maybe a cup of tea. Or, when the hour is late and I don’t want to wake anybody, I take my Bible and journal to a quiet place where the light won’t bother anybody, and read a little & write a little. Writing is a very quieting pastime for me. ♡ Thank you for the opportunity to win. The candles sound so lovely.
Ayaka Lu’s story touched me. I went through something similar about 14 years ago. Even without children, a separation is never easy. I know the sleepless nights and wondering what my future held. Like Ayaka said something to the effect of outside of my Father, he was the only man I had ever loved. Fortunately, after almost a year of prayer and petition, couseling and improving communication God repaired the brokenness and for that I am truly thankful.
Thanks for sharing Ayaka’s story today Bonnie!
What works to help be unwind… I’ve been enjoying tea in the evenings and sometimes I’ll pick up a book. On the rare occaision when I have the house to myself, I take a nice long shower and turn up the worship music And yes… I will admit to singing in the shower (nobody is there to hear it hehe!) 🙂
(((HUGS))) to you my friend! 🙂
Ayaka’s story touched my heart. I could identify with the feeling of suffocating in shame. I love how she persisted in God’s Word – even when her mind wouldn’t rest, she would write it down until her mind quieted. What helps me to unwind is nature. It focuses my mind again on who is in control. Of the five movements, I think I crave Self-Compassion the most. Thank you, Bonnie and Ayaka.
music, getting out in the quiet of nature (even just in my own back yard) and snuggling up with my warm snuggly blanket are just a few ways that help me to relax and unwind. I really enjoyed the video and the reminder that it is ok to struggle and to allow your feelings even though you do trust in God.
Loved this video today. Thank you Ayaka for sharing!! I struggle with insomnia when the stress builds and the situation is overwhelming I related to that comment about the mind running crazy. I have to make a conscious effort to stop and do those things for myself that help me find rest and peace for my mind. Sitting outside in the sun looking up at the trees, drinking a cup of coffee or tea slowly, taking a walk on the walking trail thru the woods or prairie, or even a drive on a summer day through the country smelling the grasses and hearing the bird and bug noises…these things help my body calm and find peace and rest. Thank you for this encouragement to do these things and practical, even vulnerable stories – so encouraging to know I’m not alone in this processing.
It was so valuable to hear the conversation around shame especially how God won’t shame His children!
So often the emotions of guilt, shame etc create my exhaustion; I carry it like it’s mine though the act was against our marriage by my ex husband I still felt these big feelings for his behavior; it was our marriage and with out God in it, for both of us…
For so long I felt like if I only
I know now second guessing ad shaming isn’t what God wants from me
Name your stress is big for me- thank you for writing about this, it spoke to me.
Bonnie, I loved your thoughts on the difficult times being a signal to jettison those things in our lives that need to be removed. It really struck a chord in me.
When I take time to make Spiritual Whitespace in my life I use a music playlist, I knit, I do stretches to help relieve the tension in my muscles from stress, I read inspirational books quotes and the bible, I go out in nature and listen to the sound of wind and birds and water, I look at the stars and moon, sit in the sun, make a warm drink, or pray.
My husband has a chronic illness and I am often overwhelmed by the responsibilities that come with this. I find that the most important thing I need to do for myself is have alone time. Whether it’s reading a book, window shopping at the mall, or walking the dog….I really need to be alone to recharge. When the weather is good my go-to unwinding method is walking and enjoying nature.
Oh, yes!! The subject of insomnia is one I’m very familiar with! I’ve struggled with it on and off for many years. I have effectively done some of the “Movements of Self Care” list. One other thing I’ve done for over 28 years is journaling. Putting my thoughts and feelings on paper has been quite freeing and helps me to move ahead in my life.
It is so hard to make time for me. Guilt and lies of undeserving as an unwed mom, a struggles as the sole parent that keep my mind up at night wondering if I am doing a good job, wrecking my son lol, meeting his needs, financial worries with bills to meet, groceries to get, just bring enough. Then I began your book and I learned the importance of loving me, of soul rest for me and for my son. Then God blessed me with soul rest sisters and we meet weekly and I enjoy the company of these girls. Encouraged, uplifted, hopeful, united and I begin to let out what hid within and so did they. What joy we have found together, loving, living, laughing, finding ourselves and God in the middle of who we are becoming. I have a Fitbit that helps me monitor my sleep and sometimes I see 0 wake with only a few restless times in the night and I celebrate. I am getting there and finding my way into rest, soul rest. My son had a hard day today at school and made bad decisions. I shares this with sweet friends. Her husband took him for some man time and I went and had some God time and when we came together tonight I found myself full of love and grace instead of frustration and exasperation. It was a joy to experience this moment. Blessed by new soul rest, quiet time in Christ and I met my son in a new and refreshing way. Learning growing needing.
Wow! My heart really resonated with the story Ayaka shared about that period of her life. I remember a similar time of painful loss in my life where I too just fell on my face, tearful, broken hearted. The things that comforted in the midst of it all were walks alone out in open places near a lake on my campus where I could cry out, pound my fists on the Father’s chest, to the whisper of trees rustling and water gently lapping on the shore. I soaked up to my chin in a hot bath at my dear friend’s home, where she’d be waiting with a hot cup of Earl Grey to cradle in my hands once I came out. The steady warmth of his love seeped through my grief and gradually brought rest from the storm. To this day rustling leaves, lapping water, hot baths, tea…these things signal rest to me and I am drawn into the strength of his Word and never failing love come what may.
What a beautiful conversation with you both; thank you for sharing so that we can feel free to share ourselves with others also and not fear.
Thank you so much to Ayaka for sharing her story. While mine might not look the same I find hers encouraging in that something so beautiful came out of a time of great pain and wrestling with God.
I loved the honesty and openness shared in the video. I admire the outcome of her trial becoming a resource to help others. Truly inspiring!!
How ironic is it that this is the chapter I read on the most exhausting week I’ve had this year? 😉
I like what Ayaka said about writing out Scripture when she was having a tough time soaking it in through reading. That is something I have never considered, but I do plan on trying that out when I am in one of those moments.
This video was lovely, ladies.
You have a gift for being honest and authentic, and still somehow managing to make life seem more beautiful than scary.
i can’t do it !,i need rest to be JESUS beloved
I light a candle, fluff up my pillows, turn on my string of clear lights, and grab my favorite book. Ahhhhhh, all is right with the world again.
My stress is my children are making mistakes that CAN harm their future…and I just cant stand back and watch them fall…My 14 year has made some bad judgement calls…luckily both my husband and myself are involved in their lives that we can help…not that any of my 3 teenager daughter see that right now…but I digress, my 14 year old is depressed and therefore making choices that are not morally or god-fearing(?) i dont even know if that is the correct term….I cannot stand back and not help my daughter…we are seeing a therapist as well as a psychologist(appt a little ways off though)…but i do not believe she is being truthful….or she is not ready to receive the help….we(hubby and I) kinda forced the issue because she thankfully is still under our roof.
Point behind this….I have read and reread your book several times…I think “finding your spiritual white space” is something she can benefit from…maybe(?) is it too young of an age to understand the stress she is holding emotionally and physically in her body? Understand God is right there with her and wanting to take her pain and suffering from her? Let her know how much He loves her and we also love her as well???
Yes, she has strayed from God…even though she still is going to youth group, Sunday school and other church activities…I can tell her heart and mind are really not there…how do I help her?
Ayaka’s story was so honest and one that I and so many people can relate. Her story spoke to me in such a personal way. I have a hard time confiding my troubles with anyone. I know it is healthy to express your emotions and talk to your loved ones and tell them how you are feeling, but it is so difficult for me. I am working on this! My troubled thoughts keep me up at night, also. I am going to try some of the techniques you both talked about in the video. The hot bath sounded really relaxing! One thing I do to relax that I didn’t hear you mention is listen to music. I love listening to Christian music, especially Bebe Norman. I can really feel God’s presence through music. Thank you so much for this post! God Bless!
Wise advice here, Bonnie. Sometimes when sleep alludes me I’ll quote scripture. Not only do the familiar words foster peace, but the message of the words has a calming effect as well.
Bonnie, your descrition of paul and the storms n throwing things overboard n th storm not going away. …wow such wisdom such insight. I need to listen to just that part again.
Im struggling as a new parent to my 8 year old neice. Some days i feel like im drowning. I know God is with me through this but i am not doing a very good job of this. Its very draining for this extreme introvert.
Prayers are welcome. Thanks Bonnie.
Cindy
This was so beautiful Bonnie. A special thanks to Ayaka for sharing her very painful story, that I know will help others that have gone through similar trials. I loved the examples you both shared that helped you to find your ‘whitespace’. Staying in the Word of God is one of my favorites. I also liked listening to music and finding a beautiful place to be, like out in nature. So helpful to help us experience ‘whitespace’ and even God!
Bless you both!
wow Lovely!!!! My friend tagged me because she knows I needed this! I am learning to slow down and listen to His loving voice and to be kind to myself. Love your Site
I like to put a drop of lavender essential oil on the edge of my pillow case. The aroma is soothing and calming. I also like to watch old Perry Mason reruns. It calms me down to see people finding out the truth and justice being done.
I love the part about how we can’t stop the storms, but a friend once told me that we don’t need to waste the storm but rather allow it to bring us closer to God. Through the storms is how I grow stronger and experience more peace when I come through and the rainbow shows up and the sun shines through again!
I sit and read to nurture my heart. Sometimes listen to music. To nurture my body I play outside with the kids…walk to park, play tag, stomp rockets, jump rope. I was inspired by the comments about eating as nurture. This is an area I could grow in.
Found myself sleepless this morning at 3:30. So comforting to know others gave these kind of times too. I’m twenty nine weeks pregnant with two little boys to tend to and I pray for strength to meet their needs while trusting God to make a space in this day for my body and soul to find rest, even when it seems an impossibility to me. I love seeing women who have walked through dark valleys, and can show me there’s light and hope and blessing through the journey, there’s a purpose and lessons in this most difficult of times.
Gretal, thanks for sharing, right in the moment of your journey. take care during this last month. be kind to yourself and may this be time of drawing close to God as you wait to meet your two little boys soon!
Goodness…this video made me Tracy and I’m not even sure why! I’m just so thankful, Bonnie, that people join you to share their stories giving the rest of us courage to walk through and share ours.
🙂
My favorite thing to do(lately) to encourage rest is to take a bath with Epsom salts, the lights dimmed, and candles flickering. I had a baby girl 5 months ago who died during labor. My world has been turned upside-down. My stress threshold is very low these days. I need to have peaceful, quiet time to rest and hear from God. Thank you for offering this giveway, I need to find my spiritual white space more than ever now.
Holly, I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby girl during labor. May you continue to feel God’s comfort during this time of healing and grief. Sounds like you are putting rest and your soul in priority and I’m so glad to hear that.