“Don’t be afraid, for I will protect you. I call you by name, you are mine.” is.43:1

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I’ve been struggling.  I can’t decide the next book I want to write.

And you know what’s the weird thing?  It’s not because I don’t have any ideas.

It’s because I have too many choices. And I feel overwhelmed.

Which is the right one?  What if I pick the wrong one?

I find myself paralyzed, blanking out, unable to see the forest from the trees.  Sometimes, every idea seems inspiring and filled with possibilities.  Other times, every idea seems bad, wrong and boring.

I analyze all the possible outcomes of one choice over the other — until all the branches of my decision-making tree leads to a gazillion what-ifs.

I’m left standing in front of a sprawling map of choices and my heart locks up with one continuously looping phrase: I don’t know what to do.

I start feeling depressed. Or, I keep thinking about this problem ad nauseum.  But, the truth is, the dilemma of choosing gets worse.  Then I feel more confused and troubled than when I first began.

Do you find yourself stuck — not because you’re uninspired — but maybe because you are so inspired to pursue what God’s put on your heart, you’re overwhelmed with the next steps?

Do you find yourself surrounded by too many choices and you feel paralyzed or even depressed — because nothing seems clear, even though you’ve analyzed it to death?

A Pattern or a Life?

“Why do I always fall into this place of confusion and depression — right after I get so inspired and excited about what God’s put on my heart?” I asked my therapist Dr. P.

“It’s this terrible pattern I’m trapped in.” I tell Dr. P, feeling defeated against an invisible foe.

“This isn’t a pattern,” Dr. P replies. “It’s called living.

But, you’re trying to figure out how it will look like and how it will work.  

There is no plan for living. You can’t think living.  You do living.”

I was still very confused. So, Dr. P says —

“Tell God what you’re afraid of. Listen to what God is saying to you.”

And so that’s what I’ve been doing these past few weeks. Taking extra amounts of spiritual whitespace. Confiding in everything that’s troubling me.

Then, letting the quiet help me listen.

Critic or Pilgrim

I’m learning that the phrase “I don’t know what to do.” triggers me to feel alone, confused and afraid.

“I don’t know what to do” brings me back to painful times in my childhood —

when I had to figure things out for myself,

when I was stuck in double binds (dilemmas that had no win solutions),

when the safest route was to give up on my dreams. on me.

— when the only way to survive was to live by a plan instead of my heart.

Living by a plan is not good for the heart, because it separates us from hearing God’s voice.

Creating actionable next steps to get something done is an actionable plan.

But when we analyze our decisions to try to obtain a fail-safe result, we are putting our faith and hope in a plan, instead of a Person: Jesus.

Putting our hope and faith in a plan is anguish for the soul.  

We follow a Person, not a plan. 

When we respond to God’s inspiration by trying to eliminate the risks and unknowns — instead of moving as we’re prompted — we suddenly lose our curiosity and our joy.

We step out of being present and become a critic, instead of a pilgrim of faith.

So, how can we break this way of indecision?

4 Ways To Move Forward

Here is what I tell myself:

1) Acknowledge that the depressive and paralyzed response is really the little girl in you who just wants to be free.  Be kind to her. Encourage and comfort her. Stop making her feel bad for feeling bad.

The child in us who is prompted by God’s voice doesn’t want to figure out how everything is going to work out.  Take to the pressure of her to succeed.

When I take responsibility off myself to figure out how things will work, the depression and paralysis lifts from my heart. The flame of inspiration starts to flicker within me again. And I remember what I was excited about!

“A bruised reed He will not break. And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish” Isaiah 42:3

2) Follow God with your heart, not a plan. Leave the results to Him.

I hear so many critical voices when I’m about to make a decision.

That one book was a fluke… You’re not legit… Don’t embarrass yourself.  No one wants to hear what you have to say… on and on.

We are such strong thinkers, we can very easily generate a gazillion plans that are what-ifs, worst-case, or even best-case. But, what if God is longing to take us on a journey, not for us to succed, but to be changed — because He is with us? Do I trust that God will really take care of me?

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Prov. 19:21

3) Tell a friend about your troubled decision right now, not after you’ve got everything figured out.

My default reaction to indecision is to retreat and drop out off the face of the earth. I don’t call anyone or go out until I’ve figured things out.  This is my old pre-Spiritual Whitespace me.  Now, I force myself to call up someone, confide in them. Go out for dinner and tell them my in-progress journey. Or write a blog post.

“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way fulfill the law of Christ.” Gal 6:3

4) Spend time meditating on Jesus’ voice calling you friend. Best friends are for each other.  I’ve been meditating on Jesus calling me friend, taking walks with him, and sharing my heart and hard questions. As our conversation flows, I remember what it is I’ve been feeling inspired to do.

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:5

5) Don’t over-think. Don’t analyze. Just do. Whatever God’s prompting you to do, do it right now.  Let go of trying to figure out what’s next.

Do it because you are the beloved.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” 1 John 4:18

This is why I’m sending my book ideas off to my agent this week.  What will happen next?  I don’t know.

But, I’d rather make mistakes and live this life fully with Jesus and the kindness of kindreds, than hide my heart and never know what love is.

I’m doing it because I am God’s beloved.

And so are you.

And that’s all I need to know.

~~~~~

Share what’s a decision you’ve been agonizing over?  How is God asking you to trust him with your heart?

Who can you share today’s encouragement with?

Let’s encourage each other.  Click to comment or link up your Beloved Brew post below.

for more encouragement, refresh your soul with rest. read Finding Spiritual Whitespace.

Winners for Last Week’s Giveaway

Congratulations to our two winners of a Lisa Leaonrd Gold Connected Hearts Necklace PLUS Live Beautifully Journal!

Jamie of Forget-Me-Not shares in her Beloved Brew post: 

“I am craving a creative cappuccino.  Specifically, I need time to paint.  There was one year… that I neglected to paint a piece.  It was the year of my miscarriage; the year we lost Angel. Right now, I yearn for time to paint it…to make time to acknowledge what God did in my life through Angel by painting this memento. I need to make space in my life to complete this project.  Spiritual whitespace where I paint and praise Jesus for the little life that was my Angel.”

Melinda McCray of Another Samaritan Woman shared in her Beloved Brew post:

“I personally feel like I would best benefit from a Soul Care Espresso…I remembered my little one now thirteen and how I had rocked her with a tired soul endlessly and sang over and over Amazing Grace acappella when she was one year old. She had a seizure disorder God miraculously healed…but what I really didn’t want to leave the hospital.  What I really needed was Intensive Soul Care..let me just rest.”

Beloved Brew Link Up
Whole-hearted Writing. You & Jesus.

Welcome to our Beloved Brews weekly link-up! Pour out a little love with your words every Thursday {publish any day. link-up on Thursdays}. Simply write a blog post from your heart about what God’s sharing with you this week and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? Just share a comment. Visit thebonniegray.com to read the comments & share your voice too.

Today’s writing prompt: (what is God sharing with your heart) or (write about indecision) 

Next week’s 5/28 writing prompt: (what is God sharing with your heart) or (what inspires you?)

Please use the Beloved Brews button in your blog post so others can join us {use this html code here}. When you link up your post, read & leave an encouraging comment on the post linked up just before yours. Thanks, kindreds!

Share photos that touch your heart with God’s beauty & rest using #spiritualwhitespace on Twitter/Instagram. It’ll be fun to see your spiritual whitespace moments!

May the writing prompt bring you to a quiet place in your soul as you share your voice.