It was very hard for me to write this.

When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was to make my mom proud.  To make her happy.  To see that smile on her face I would see in my dreams, to see it always shining like the sun on a summer golden day… that was my biggest dream. Above any other. She was the sun and my heart orbited around her.

But, there comes a time, when God wants to take our dreams and place it tenderly within the loving arms of His heart.  To hold us so tenderly that we can finally face the things we did not ever have the strength to face before. 

I have been so blessed by the comfort of God — so deeply and irrevocably — I want to share these words of hope and encouragement to you — and to any of your sweet kindreds — this weekend on Mother’s Day.

There is a new sun, a new day arising in our hearts. And no story is ever so broken that it cannot be soar with the beauty and glory of a loving, perfect Heavenly Father who calls us His.

Please share this with a sweet kindred who longs to know she is Beloved.  Unconditionally… Love, Bonnie

Mother’s Day is the most celebrated holiday according to Hallmark sales. But for those of us with difficult moms, we feel an added stress: a mother wound.

I was often afraid of my mom. I frequently cried because of the painful words she would sling at me. At night, I would pull up my blankets and stay very quiet, until she’d stop yelling at me. When she finally went to sleep, I’d pull out my flashlight and read. I read until all the words that cut into me would fade, and I’d fall asleep, pouring my heart out to Jesus, asking him to change how things were between us.

As I grew up into an adult and became a mom myself, I struggled to acknowledge that my difficult mom relationship didn’t change. I could never meet her expectations well enough, even though I tried to the best of my ability and the detriment of my sanity, and prayed about it my whole life.

It’s an unspoken taboo to talk about it. But some of us have difficult moms. It’s a reality that we find hard to share, but it’s true.

Especially in our Christian culture, we don’t want others to misjudge us as unloving or unforgiving daughters.

We are afraid people won’t understand that even if we know Jesus loves us, we can feel despairing and unloved, relating with a difficult mom. So, we keep quiet.

But God knows our hurts and he understands the complexities of human relationships, especially when they are broken. It is important to know we are not alone. Many of us struggle with moms who struggle with their brokenness.

There is hope for those of us with difficult moms. As children adopted into a new, spiritual family, with God as our loving Heavenly Father, we can find guidance in our difficult mom relationships. We can also receive the nurture we long for, even if we have a difficult mom.

Here are 7 ways to find healing when you have a toxic mother:

1. You don’t have to be ashamed.

“But now… listen to the Lord who created you… the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine.” Is.43:1

We carry a tremendous amount of shame and guilt and think, if only we did x, y or z, our mothers would no longer be angry, sad or troubled. We can feel lost. But, God created us and loves us intimately. We belong to God. He calls us his, unconditionally.

Our mothers also belong to God. We are not responsible to fix our mother’s faults and brokenness. God is responsible for our mothers, not us.

2. You need to grieve your losses.

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.” Ps.27:10

There comes a time we need to accept to the reality of our difficult mom, and grieve the death of our expectations and dreams for our ideal mom, so we can grow into daughters of a loving Father. With God’s comfort and our friends, we let go of the mom we wish we had, to gain wisdom and courage to relate to the real mom we do have.

As we allow God to re-parent us with what we need, we find faith and courage to trust God to meet our needs through him and other loving people.

3. You can experience freedom with the truth.“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:33

It’s important to God that we trust him with the truth, even if it hurts. We experience an intimate rest with God, when are vulnerable and give him burdens we were never meant to carry.

We can begin to make different choices that are healthy for ourselves, our spouses and children, and break hurtful, old patterns. We stop becoming enablers for our difficult moms, so they can face the truth with God, too…

.. to be continued…

To catch the rest of “7 Ways to Heal from a Toxic Mom”, click here to enjoy a cup of virtual coffee with me at iBelieve and read the rest of the article.   Take a virtual coffee break. I’d love your company there.

{photo credit: thanks to Sabrina Hart who shared her beautiful #spiritualwhitespace moment with her daughter and a rainbow on Instagram. Please share your photos using #spiritualwhitesapce. Would love to see yours!}