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An Overwhelmed Heart, A Love Note, and A Last Minute Update

By Bonnie Gray • May 31, 2016 • 23 Comments

Dear Kindreds,

I’ve been taking a break online, unplugging to work on a very important letter. A series of letter to you:  Book #2.

Yes, I’ve been working on writing Book #2 quite furiously.  As you can imagine, it has its inspired moments when the words tumble out and I can’t write it fast enough — and then there are days where my heart is gripped in fear because I am not sure quite how to convey all that is in my heart to you.  Because often the hardest stories to tell are the  most worth confiding in. I so want to encourage you with clarity, but also with feeling. And that’s not always easy.

So, last week was one of those moments, when the words were not coming easily.  I sent out an SOS email request to my friends. And I just want to share it with you below.

But, first before I do so, I want to give you a last minute update!!

$1.99 eBook Special Finding Spiritual Whitespace

My first book Finding Spiritual Whitespace is on sale for just $1.99 today — the ebook version!!

It’s a special promotion and today is the last day. Please get a copy for yourself if you’ve hesitated. This book has changed my heart and soul — I want you to discover this same rest and refreshment for your soul with God too!

Do you know a friend who can use some encouragement and rest too? Please let them know about this $1.99 promo today — or better yet, gift a copy to your friends!  Thank you so much for your support!! We are doing this together, kindreds!

Writing Finding Spiritual Whitespace has freed my heart to write this Book #2. Why?  Because of the overwhelming response — as you’ve asked questions and shared your stories — I feel I have more to say! You inspire me. The seed for Book #2 came from you!

1.99 book ad Finding Spiritual Whitespace

On Overwhelmed Heart

So, here below is the SOS email I sent to friends last week, which I’d like to share with you.

I’m feeling much better today, after taking a break over Memorial Weekend and getting lots of whitespace this weekend with Eric, Josh, and Caleb — and some close friends who made me laugh again. We went for a hike, went to the beach and I got some 1-1 time dinner out with a girlfriend.

Yep, I got some Spiritual Whitespace — so, I’m giving myself space to refresh and just be me!

Okay, here is my email. I also included some of my friends’ response because I hope it encourage you too!

Hi Friends,

I am having a really difficult moment right now — and as I was praying on my knees and feeling very trapped/stuck, you guys popped in my mind — so I’m quickly typing a SOS request for prayer.
I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt overwhelmed with anxiety right now — I have been working on writing book #2. I’m trying to do something different with my second book. I am writing a book to invite others on a new journey with God to hear His whispers of love. And I’m doing it by offering soulful stories and prompts for reflection, but I’m inspired by doing it in a very unique format, that isn’t “standard”.
 And I have these critical voices telling me the stuff I’m writing isn’t going to “work” – who am I to write this, etc.
 The good news is I am making good progress — the chapters have been flowing. 
 But for some reason, this morning after my morning walk and sitting down, I suddenly feel like these last remaining chapters are very hard to write. Like they are going to all fall apart as I write them. And I feel very stupid for writing it.  That the book is dumb. I know this all sounds horrible, but this is how I’m feeling. 
 Please pray for courage to write true to my heart — and listen only to Jesus.  
 Anyways, thanks for being here to listen — and pray for me — at this very in-the-middle-of-the-journey moment. I’m holding onto Jesus by being present with you all, right where I’m at.
 May God lift us all up — wherever we are on our journey today — whatever we are facing — with Jesus — together.  peace and grace to us all! 
hugs,
Bonnie

Encouraging Words From Friends

Here are some of my friends’ responses. I hope it encourages you in whatever journey are in the middle of this week:

~~~~~

Bonnie,

that little voice that says ‘this is no good, why would anyone want to look at/read/listen to this’ is normal. it must be beaten down and suppressed with creative joy…

keep fighting.
Friend M

~~~~~

hang in there bonnie! I think it’s a normal part of cranking things out. i feel that way – asking many of those same questions. for me it’s often a sign of being too immersed. whenever I think that the whole thing is horrible i try to take a step away, and exhale, and pray, and then do something else entirely for awhile.

I’ll be praying for you…
Friend JR

-~~~~~

Bonnie,

You CAN finish this book. You WILL finish this book. I am waiting to read it so you HAVE to finish it!

I am praying that God’s clear voice and your true identity in Him will be your lifeline during this time of chaos. One step at a time, girl! You can do it!!!
Friend E

~~~~~

My friend,

I know you know these negative thoughts are LIES! You are God’s precious daughter, blessed and loved beyond measure.

And the book is not dumb. I think our society is in a dangerous place, where it doesn’t want to acknowledge our real stories…but so much beauty comes out of those places. We glimpse so much of His grace, love, faithfulness, and tenderness in those places. What you want to say is not dumb. It is beautiful. It is the truth.

I will certainly pray for you! May God’s voice pour out of your heart onto paper.
Friend J

~~~~~

Bonnie,

These are very big lies.  Remember who you are and that God has already prepared you to write this and given you vision and direction!  I am proud of you and so thankful for the chapters that you have already written.

God has already won this battle for you and for this broken world.  🙂

Praying that you experience God even more intimately in this place. Lots of love to you!
Friend A

One Love Note from Book #2

Here is a love note from Book #2 to you. I brainstorm a bunch of lines when I begin a book. Then, I choose one and begin writing the chapters. It takes courage because many times, new lines emerge and in order to follow the new words — I must be willing to leave the other notes and lines that poured out before. And that sometimes feels scary.

But, this the way of faith, letting go of what we know to let God change who we are. We must hold our ideas loosely, so we can follow God’s voice instead of a plan. We may not know where things will lead, but we know we are being led. It is real.

book 2 notes

Finally, I hope you join me on Facebook & Instagram. I’m posting updates there as I unplug to write the book!

You Are Beloved

How are you? Are there critical voices that aren’t telling the truth about who you are?
We can remind each other of the truth. We are kindreds!

Listen God’s whispers today — You are loved. Cherished. Worth it.  You are my beloved.

“I have loved you with aneverlasting love;
therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jer. 31:3

~~~~~

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23 Comments

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23 Comments

  • Reply Trudy May 31, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    Thank you for sharing both your letter and your friends’ notes, Bonnie. Your letter makes me feel less alone. When we want to follow God in our writing, the devil punches us in the gut with all his lies. You have wonderful friends. And yes, their encouragements also encourage me. May God lift you up and shield you from all Satan’s lies. God helped you write the first book, and He used it, and I know He will help you with this second one. Hugs!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray May 31, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      we are on the journey together, trudy! 🙂

  • Reply Katie May 31, 2016 at 2:59 pm

    Bonnie, Your honesty is still so refreshing to my heart. Your friends are your whispers from God to your heart. (Or shouts). Praying for you friend!

    We have been doing the low iodine diet for Matt’s thyroid cancer treatment. Started today first shot, then second tomorrow. Thursday will be when he takes radioactive pill. He is worrying about me because I have to stay minimum 6 feet away, other room better. It is for my safety, but in small apartment we share a bath. Only for one week. Hard and won’t like but possible.

    • Reply Krista May 31, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      Dear Katie,
      Praying for you and your hubby. A friend of mine went through the exact procedure and I remember how tricky it was. Please know you aren’t alone 🙂
      I pray you both make it through the week and find creative ways to work through the time/space. God has you both under his wing in His place of protection.
      Blessings to you both!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray May 31, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      i’m sorry you & matt have to go through this hard journey. i wish i could have you over for tea. tea with a friend makes everything feel better. 😉 may God give you one whisper at a time and pray that Matt continues to receives the grace one moment at a time.

      • Reply Katie May 31, 2016 at 7:18 pm

        I wish this too! I miss these type of times with friends. I love tea so much. Trying to figure out a time with girlfriends soon.

  • Reply Krista May 31, 2016 at 3:14 pm

    I haven’t been able to write much lately because God opened up a whole new venue for me that I never dreamed of. I listened to his clear prompting and he truly has blessed me in the small things. However, my personal life is a bit turbulent since I was faithful to do what he asked. Currently, I have an appointment tomorrow for a diagnostic mammogram with the possibility of an ultrasound. I had my first mammogram 2 weeks ago and was confident all would be ok. I know this is just to ensure all is well. I’ve been fine with it up to now. The voices of doubt and ‘what if’ are getting loud. To top it off my hubby is suffering from sciatica in the worst way and all I can do is pray for him and watch the pain grip his leg/back. :/
    I really didn’t intend to vent but some prayers would be greatly appreciated.

    • Reply Jennifer May 31, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      Hola Krista, Your note really hit home to my heart and please know that I am praying for you and ABSOLUTELY trusting that God has you and your husband firmly in HIs grip. His peace, comfort, strength, courage and confidence be yours today and everyday. Phil 4:13 and Romans 8:28- You know He has called you and He will enable you!

      • Reply Krista May 31, 2016 at 4:41 pm

        Thank you Jennifer! After I hit the send button I half regretted my comment. Hoping it didn’t come through as whining. (Blush) Thank you for those sweet reminders in Philippians and Romans they’re both favorites of mine! God bless you! ❤
        (((HUGS)))

        • Reply Bonnie Gray May 31, 2016 at 4:52 pm

          hi krista! i’m so glad you hit send! 🙂 because i had hit publish… and there is always that feeling of hesitation or fear when we are being real and vulnerable. as you can see, we are all kindreds here, sharing how we are feeling in the moment. loved and acceptated. you are not whining or venting — i see it as a beautiful expression that you feel safe and known here — and that’s how i feel sharing my in-the-moment real self here with you all. you are beloved. you can be yourself. as is. xo – with much affection. thinking of you.. and your husband – as sciatica is so very painful and it really wears down on one. and it’s hard to watch our hubbies carry the pain when we long for them to feel 100%.

  • Reply Krista May 31, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    Thanks so much Bonnie for always providing a safe place to share and as you say “just be” 🙂 can’t wait for book 2 😀
    (((HUGS))) XO❤

  • Reply Miriam Wellons ( Mimi ) May 31, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    Always such good words I receive from you Bonnie ! It does seem lately as I talk with other friends and people that struggle in their walk with Christ that the enemy is working really hard lately to keep us from walking forward with God in our relationship with him ! I know this may not be for everyone; but I am not going to lose what I know my Heavenly Father has done for me and is doing for me ! For me it is always or rather comes back to trusting him ! I know I must let go of the past no matter my circumstances and keep my eyes on Jesus ! My prayer for all those that I do not know personally in the body of Christ is to hold ion and I am praying for you and ask you to remember me in your prayers . I want to be real and genuine in Jesus and that takes true honesty even when it hurts to see my flaws and sins ! Thank you once more Bonnie for this message and I will continue to pray for you as the enemy must really not want you to write this new book or he would not fight so hard ! So I will pray and trust and believe that our Heavenly Father will keep you safe Iin his arms and let his healing live and his courage envelope you from the top of your heAd to the soles of your feet ! My love and prayers are with you ❤️

  • Reply nyarie sithole May 31, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    Thanks ever so much Bonnie. Much appreciated. This has really as always lifted me up and reminded me that I am His beloved. Your situation spoke to my situation. I am also in the middle of a stressful situation and would appreciate prayers from everyone. I am currently writing up my PhD Thesis and have two publications to write. At times I feel overwhelmed and also hear voices that say my work is not good enough etc. I pray and ask for prayers for strength and for the joy of the LORD to strengthen me day by day.
    Be blessed all

    Blessings

    Nyarie

  • Reply Lisa June 1, 2016 at 4:50 am

    More of our God’s grace and peace to you, Bonnie. I’m so glad you have felt the Flow, His Voice, as you’ve been working on your next book. That is greater than any other “voices”! I’m praying for more (in)couragement for you, who encourages so many in Christ. Be blessed.

    https://img1.etsystatic.com/137/0/9986601/il_570xN.909969273_4kdi.jpg

  • Reply Alexis Buhr June 1, 2016 at 6:03 am

    To be honest I very rarely read anything, but I did click on your story today. I am thankful I did. Thank you for being an example.

    This is the toughest time in my life right now. My marriage is in trouble and hanging on by a thread. This is the first time in my life that I have fully loved or trusted anyone. I have known my husband since I was 3. We dated from age 10-12. But, went out separate ways and got married to other people.
    My first marriage was awful. He was very controlling, manipulative and twisted. He made me believe that I was nothing. He texted me a few days ago and told me he is going for full custody of our two children. We have 50/50 custody, but he has never honored that. The last time my daughter came out, she went back and he has not let them come to see me or talk to me. He says they want nothing to do with me. He makes over a million dollars a year. I can’t even afford an attorney.
    So, I have to say, my entire world has fallen apart and I am at the bottom. I can’t seem to find the strength to go on anymore. I have almost lost my faith and almost do not care where I end up for eternity.

    Please send prayers of strength and peace.

    Thank you,
    Alexis

    • Reply Barbara June 3, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      Dear Alexis,
      I am a fellow reader of this blog and I happened to read your post…I will definitely keep you and your extremely difficult situation in my prayers! I want to offer a small prayer here: Dear Lord, please wrap Your arms around Alexis and hold her tight….help her to know Your infinite power to redeem and solve this situation and Your love for her and Your peace! Please help her with everything and please bring a good resolution to this problem. Amen. Sending love and hugs your way!

  • Reply kitty bennett June 1, 2016 at 9:57 am

    Thanks Bonnie for your transparency and for the privilege to pray with you…and others too for you! Ha…couldn’t we all ask for the same need of prayer with whatever is going on in our lives if we are truly honest with Him! I am discouraged with all the negative thoughts and voices I hear over and over! I am weary of claiming His promises and still falling short! YET…I will still praise Him! Please pray for me…not sure what…just pray…that is how weary I am right now!

  • Reply Morag June 1, 2016 at 10:42 am

    “But, this the way of faith, letting go of what we know to let God change who we are. We must hold our ideas loosely, so we can follow God’s voice instead of a plan. We may not know where things will lead, but we know we are being led. It is real.” – – – – This part – just what I needed. Had a job interview today – it’s the start of a new career and it feel exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. I want to take control to lessen the anxiety – but thank you for the reminder to let myself be led. Praying we both have good ‘listening ears’ to hear him!

  • Reply Nancy Ruegg June 1, 2016 at 11:05 am

    I agree with Morag, above–those same sentences of this post spoke personally to me. I’m old enough that God has changed who I am at least several times, and I am in process again. Those words near the end of your post became a prayer as I read. “Yes, Lord, help me to acquiesce to the changes you desire for my life, to listen to your voice, to focus on you and not on the path ahead.” Thank you, Bonnie, for being true to your heart, which then paves the way for God to minister through you to us.

  • Reply Barbara June 1, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    Bonnie, I want to thank you for sharing so openly the challenges you’re facing as you work on this new book….I will keep you in my prayers! What’s great is that you’re continuing to work on it even when it is difficult! I feel so inspired because I too am passing through a difficult moment and I feel so much better hearing you share your experience, your vulnerability, and your wisdom! Sending prayers and hugs your way!

  • Reply Nicole June 5, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Bonnie – although I have not written before – I thought I would take this opportunity to say thank you.

    I appreciate your vulnerability. I have so often struggled with fears and the same old negative script re-surfacing – so I could definitely relate. I am praying that God covers your fear with His outrageous love for you so that you can embrace the joy of this season of writing your new book. Your writing has been a blessing in my life – revealing Christ – full of grace & truth. Thank you. I am looking forward to your book release.

  • Reply Melody Bollinger February 12, 2017 at 12:47 pm

    Bonnie – there’s so much I could say. So much I wish I could lay out without attempting to write a book to you because my heart is that full. I’ve “happened” upon your work in great time of need in the last couple of weeks. Not only regarding writing, but also because of your intimate journey with Jesus of which I also know. God transplanted me to a small “cowboy” town in Texas several years ago and it’s been not only a huge cultural change (can we say, ‘culture shock’?! …smile) for me from Southern California, but also that I don’t have a nucleus of like-believing friends here with regard to hearing our precious Lord’s voice personally. I certainly have fellow believers, but I miss sharing this kind of amazing joy back and forth with others.

    My prayer request is that God would please open up a few friends whom I can share this kind of fellowship with in my community. I feel so alone at times. In the meantime, I can’t thank God enough for your beauty, your treasured heart and your courage even when your steps are scary. You model on many levels and I know it’s the work of the Holy Spirit through the lens of who you are. Thank you for allowing our Lord to redirect your path from that which you presumed it would be earlier on. Thank you for affording us out here a place of connectedness through the airwaves with your heart for our Lord and us! What a gift we’re given through the uniqueness and creativity of God in and through you.

    “The gift of our written words is that they will outlive us.” m.b.

    Thank you for writing, posting, sharing, listening. Your life is such an encouragement and help with excellence.

    I’m sending you a virtual hug. 🙂

    Melody Bollinger ~

    • Reply Bonnie Gray February 13, 2017 at 9:54 pm

      dear melody, thank you for sharing your heart and your prayer request so vulnerably. dear Jesus, you know all melody is currently long for – reassure her of your loving and gentle presence. whisper your words of love to her and hold her in your embrace. i pray you bring her a few friends an dinspire her to think of those friends – or bring even just one to her path. I know you created us to be known and understood and pray that you would send someone sooner than later. may you continue to encourage Melody. In Jesus’ name, amen. I have a new book coming out, Melody- it will be announced 2/14 Valentine’s Day on th eblog – I hope you will join the book lauch team – so we can do a 40 day journey together and you can have online community in a private Facebook group – as we do this soul care and reviatlizing your soul with Gods love… check out the 2/14 blog post tomorrow,’k? love and hugs.. bonnie

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Bonnie Gray

“Bonnie has often led the way to freedom and truth by going there first herself. Her ability to invite us in as readers into our own stories only makes this world a better, more healed place.” 

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“If you’ve ever been weary and needed room to breathe, then Bonnie Gray is the guide you’ve been looking for as you journey with Jesus to a new place of peace and freedom in your life.” 

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