You know when you’re feeling down – and you wish you had a friend to just listen — care and then, make you laugh, even as you cry?

My friend Kathi Lipp has been that friend for me. Before I became an author and had no idea what it would mean, she invited me to have coffee to give me the skinny on the realities of writing a book.

Later, when I had panic attacks right in the middle of writing Finding Spiritual Whitespace, Kathi was the first friend to invite me to do a podcast to talk about “Finding Rest in a World of Go” and promote my story of healing and finding beauty. (This is a picture of Kathi and me at my book launch party for FSW back in the day!)

Now, I’m SO proud to invite Kathi and friend Cheri Gregory to share coffee with us through today’s guest post — along with a GIVEAWAY of their new book Overwhelmed: Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity. You’re gonna wanna get this book!

~~~~~~

I’m not going to do it, and you can’t make me.  The message is loud and clear.

Last night, I mapped out an excellent schedule for this entire day. But now it’s 11:30 AM, and I’ve gotten exactly nothing done. What is wrong with me? I wonder. Why can’t I force myself to Just. Do. It.?

The message comes again, simultaneously familiar and foreign I’m not going to do it, and you can’t make me.

I know why I don’t really recognize this voice. No matter how often (or under what circumstances) I’ve thought these words, I’ve never actually said them aloud. 

I Didn’t Know How to Say No

I was a compliant child. I did what I was told. Actually, I did far more than just what I was told. I learned to anticipate what others wanted and then tried to do everything before they told me.

In fact, one of my favorite tricks in elementary school was to turn in a piece of homework immediately after the teacher assigned it, having predicted and done it the night before.

Back then, people-pleasing didn’t overwhelm me. It made me feel heroic!

But years of over-eager compliance meant that I did what I was told when:

• neighborhood teens sought a gullible little girl to pose for “Playboy photos.”
• a man my parents trusted wanted to do things that scared me.
• high school boyfriends pushed for more.

These were pivotal moments when I desperately needed, but didn’t know how, to say “no.” 

The Little Girl Me is Feeling Safer

When I made up today’s excellent schedule, I forgot that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person— a fact that the Little Girl part of my heart was quick to remind me when she saw how much I’d scheduled in such a short amount of time.

Little Girl Me is showing up more and more frequently. She must feel safer than she used to feel.

And as inconvenient as she can be, I’m glad. Because in safety we unlearn lies. And learn Truth.

Allowing Room for God to Transform Our Wants

When Little Girl Me says, I’m not going to do it, and you can’t make me!

I gently tell her: They aren’t here.

 Those teenagers and that man and your old boyfriends aren’t here. It’s very brave for you to speak up for yourself. But you can’t right old wrongs through revenge.

Revenge never works. Just like you want what was taken from you back, we all want what we cannot have. But all the vengeance in the world will not give us what we want.

Feeling our sadness and surrendering our pain invites God to transform our wants.

Finding Peace with Silliness and Responsibility

When Little Girl Me tells Responsible Adult Me, I’m not going to do it, and you can’t make me! she doesn’t see that she’s hurting us both.

She stays stuck, and I make no progress. She doesn’t get what she can’t have, and I don’t get what I can have: growth, freedom, joy.

I’m slowly convincing Little Girl Me to work with, rather than against, Responsible Adult Me. She is so much happier when she’s dabbling at creative new projects instead of dwelling on painful old wounds.

I am so much healthier when I let her remind me to be silly, to stop and play, to grab a blankie and nap by the fire with a cat. We need each other. 

6  Ways to Help the Overwhelmed Pieces of Your Heart Feel Safe

If the Little Girl part of your heart sometimes get overwhelmed, even downright stubborn, here are 6 Ways You Can Help Her Feel Safe:

1)  When Responsible Adult You hears the message I’m not going to do it, and you can’t make me! (or whatever words Little Girl You uses) be gentle. Treat her with the same compassion you’d treat a scared little girl. (i.e. without the Nike slogan.)

2)  Ask Little Girl You who she’s talking to.  It’s not you. It’s someone she wanted to say “no” to but couldn’t back then, so she’s taking it out on Responsible Adult You now. Whoever it turns out to be, remind her: They aren’t here.

3)  Responsible Adult You needs to hold Little Girl You by the hand and take her to Jesus, whatever that looks like for the two of you: by immersing in scripture, taking a walk, calling a trusted friend, praying through your feelings, art journaling. In His presence, you will both be held and loved and healed.

4)  Little Girl You can’t have her way. Her way won’t help, but she doesn’t know that. So, Responsible Adult You has to take the next most faithful step for both of you.

5)  Responsible Adult You can’t ignore, belittle, or dismiss Little Girl You. In fact, you’ll find that she makes a delightful companion when you make peace and start working as partners.

6)  Responsible Adult You doesn’t have to do this alone. In many cases, you shouldn’t. It’s too much. Often, the most responsible thing you can do is to tell your story to a trusted friend, a mentor, a pastor, a life coach, a counselor. Reach out for support and get good people to walk alongside you for a season.

Outro

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions (that only last for a week), how about creating a Personal manifesto to carry you through the rest of your life? Sign up for great resources about how from Overwhelmed and you’ll receive “How to Write Your Personal Manifesto” as a gift.

Overwhelmed GIVEAWAY!

Authors Kathi and Cheri would like to send a copy of Overwhelmed: Quiet the Chaos & Restore Your Sanity to one of our readers!

To qualify for the drawing, you need to do TWO things:

#1. LEAVE A COMMENT below.

#2. SHARE THIS POST on social media.

That’s it! Once you do both, your name will be entered into the random drawing. Be sure to tell your friends so they can sign up too. The drawing will take place on Monday 1/23/17, so don’t delay! {Contest is limited to US & Canadian readers only.}

About Overwhelmed

Feeling overwhelmed? Wondering if it’s possible to move from “out of my mind” to “in control” when you’ve got too many projects on your plate and too much mess in your relationships?

Kathi and Cheri want to show you five surprising reasons why you become stressed, why social media solutions don’t often work, and how you can finally create a plan that works for you. As you identify your underlying hurts, uncover hope, and embrace practical healing, you’ll understand how to…

• trade the to-do list that controls you for a calendar that allows space in your life
• decide whose feedback to forget and whose input to invite
• replace fear of the future with peace in the present

You can simplify and savor your life—guilt free! Clutter, tasks, and relationships may overwhelm you now, but God can help you overcome with grace.

Bios

Kathi Lipp is a busy conference and retreat speaker and the bestselling author of several books, including Clutter Free, The Husband Project, and The Get Yourself Organized Project. She and her husband, Roger, live in California and are the parents of four young adults.

Cheri Gregory spends her weekdays teaching teens and weekends speaking at women’s retreats. She’s been married to her college sweetheart, Daniel, for more than 28 years. The Gregorys and their young adult kids, Annemarie and Jonathon, live in California.

{Photo by Kelly Ishmael}