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When I Was Struggling With Panic Attacks: What I Learned

By Bonnie Gray • December 6, 2017 • 6 Comments

“When God is going to do something wonderful, He always starts with a hardship; when God is going to do something amazing, He starts with an impossibility.” Anne Lamott

I love this quote. It’s one of my favorites. Because it brings me to tell you my story of the amazing thing God did for me in my impossible.

Before I share about my panic attacks below, I want to apologize to my email subscribers for posting the wrong link for my new Advent Podcast on Monday! I linked to last week’s “What Makes You Come Alive?” Podcast instead! 🙂 lol

Click below for the correct link to this week’s Special Advent Podcast
Listen & Share with a Friend!
Spark Hope: Sing Your Song Instead of Letting Stress Steal Your Spark
(Email subscribers: Once you click the link, you’ll go to my blog.
Just click the arrow at the top of my blog post to listen to the podcast.)

I poured my heart out to record this special encouragement in the podcast, just for a new Advent Series, so I don’t want you to miss it. Enjoy & share with a friend! Let me know what you think! I’d love to hear.  It’ll encourage me to keep going. ‘Cuz you know, starting new things isn’t always easy –but it becomes easy when you have friends for the journey. When you know you’re not alone, right?

Spark Hope, Not Stress features my talk with best-selling author and blogger Kristen Welch (We Are That Family, “Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World“) will inspire you to:

  • Refresh your soul beautiful Audio Devotional & Music
  • Slow Down & Break the Cycle of Busy to spark God’s HOPE in you
  • Combat discouragement whenever you feel “It’s too late!”
  • How to stay inspired, rather than let stress steal your spark
  • Learn the power of “the secret chocolate stash” to capture the moments that mean the most to your heart
  • Nurture gratitude in the heart of your child by nurturing your own heart from a place of honesty and vulnerability

Listen to the Podcast Now! Click here to listen on the blog Or Click here to listen on iTunes Or Click here to listen on the Soundcloud site!

Listen to a new podcast every week. I’ll take you on my personal journey to build a life of meaning as God’s beloved! Rather than disappearing for 2-3 years to live my life & write a book, I’m sharing what I learn, as the journey unfolds with you! Inspired by my 40day Devotional Whispers of Rest: Revitalizing Your Soul With God’s Love. 

When I Was Struggling With Panic Attacks

When I was struggling with panic attacks, one thing that scared me was how people would see me. Because I couldn’t do the things I once did, I was afraid people turn away from me because they would think I was broken – and I couldn’t be of use to them.

This was true for some. But, the amazing thing that happened, was that the smaller few who did stay & the few new friends who crossed my path during my season on quietness & healing –as the pieces of my heart were open, scattered & surfacing –they didn’t want something from me.

They were simply my friend. (you were one of them, sweet reader kindred, as I confided in the journey thru my writing and my books Finding Spiritual Whitespace and Whispers of Rest).

I learned I could just be me, sharing stories, a cup of tea, a walk, or go out for dinner – to just share life, even though I had no idea where it was going.

And I learned that what made life meaningful wasn’t where it was going, it was who I was becoming, who I am with and how I can see the world so much more clearly and  honestly, when I don’t have to be busy trying to be someone “better” by doing more or pleasing others or meeting their expectations of “normal”, “blessed” or “happy”.

I found a deeper kind of soul-happy even as tears were falling cuz the One who never left me, who whispered beautiful things to my soul & touched my shoulder w/sunshine, smiled at me thru petals of a rose in bloom, sending sparrows on my path in the morning along a trail & swallows as they swoop in-between tree branches —who held me as I cried was Jesus, whispering, “I’ve got you.” I learned I could be happy, in a different, more beautiful way, becuz I was resting in being loved.

It was on the journey, that I was learning to listen to God in a new way, to listen to His Whispers of Rest. Then, God did the impossible, my heart was awakened with rest, because I was learning my true name is beloved.

Your true name is beloved.

Having learned to rest as beloved, I’m now journeying to LIVE & BUILD my life as Beloved with God’s Whispers of Rest. And I’m sharing what I learn with you via the Coffee Break For Your Soul Podcast.

Click here to listen to the podcast now: https://thebonniegray.com/2017/12/advent-hope-kristenwelch-wk1/ go to iTunes.

I hope my sharing encourages you to remember God is in YOUR impossible – and He is doing something AMAZING on your journey with God as the beloved.

For you are beloved.

~~~~

What is the impossible or amazing you’re journeying through?

What is God whispering to you?

Pull up a chair. Click to share a comment.

I’d love to hearing how today’s words touched your heart.

 

Love,

** Don’t miss! ** If you are new here, I’d like welcome you to this soulful blog to refresh your soul! Click here to Subscribe to my blog & you’ll get fresh brewed encouragement!

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Advent Spark Hope: Sing Your Song Instead of Letting Stress Steal Your Spark (Guest Kristen Welch) #CoffeeBreakForYourSoul
Advent: Letting Go of Your Grip To Blossom With God's Peace (Guest Emily Freeman) #CoffeeBreakForYourSoul

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6 Comments

  • Reply Anna Henson December 6, 2017 at 1:19 am

    My husband is starting leukemia treatment today.. His illness has changed both our lives in many ways.. But just read your words Bonnie thank you they speak to me of the journey I’m on.. Bless you

    • Reply Bonnie Gray December 12, 2017 at 12:45 am

      Sweet Anna, how is your husband doing? thank you for sharing such a tender place in your journey at a time that must be so difficult for you and your husband. dear Jesus, please take care of Anna and her husband. Reassure them of your presence and guide them with whatever needs they have – in the treatment of his leaukemia or any other needs in the moment. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  • Reply Terry Cross December 6, 2017 at 6:18 am

    Thank you Bonnie for your sweet candor, I struggled with panic attacks during a time of enormous stress in my life (working two jobs, being caretaker for my elderly father who had moved in with us), it was a time I treasure, that time with my daddy before he went to be with Jesus, but also a time of acute distress as i struggled to cope to continue to do the vast number of jobs that every day presented. I found that yes, He is always faithful, but that fear is the enemy’s greatest tool, along with lies that I would never find peace again and a hundred other soul-crushing arrows he would carefully aim my way.
    That journey was one of growth and pain but He has brought me into a place of joy and peace I never dreamed of before. Life is still full of struggles (I’m a woman entrepreneur & a blogger too, lol!) but when I stay in the word and YES feed my soul with lovely words like yours, I am able to find the beauty and joy that exists even in the hardest places. Bless you, for your honesty and loving spirit my friend.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray December 12, 2017 at 12:43 am

      thank you for taking time, Terry to share such a special part of your heart and your story! from one entrepreneur to another, I loved hearing how God is weaving beauty and joy into the hardest places. We are kindreds, sweet friend! And I praise God for you! thank you for being so vulnerable to share the gift of your words here in this space. love, Bonnie

  • Reply Julie L. Nelson December 6, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    Hi Bonnie!
    Thanks for this podcast. I have enjoyed them both. Not sure if you will remember me posting in the FB club that I was trying to figure out what to do about our living situation with my mother.

    Well, I have vacillated back and forth trying to figure out what to do and recently my health has gotten worse and 3 different health professionals have advised me that I need to make the break and move. Of course part of me feels condemnation that I can’t seem to let Jesus help me cope with her. After reading both of your books 3 times, I was getting worse, not better! I finally realized that I just can’t find rest in a place where I feel unsafe; that is, where I am worried that I am going to be criticized, envied or disapproved of in some way all the time. Anyway, God seems to be showing my husband and I that it is time to say something to my mother and look for a way to separate and move.

    Anyway, you have encouraged me once again that even though I don’t know how all of this is going to work out, “nothing is impossible with God”. And no matter where the journey takes us, “God will never leave us or forsake us”. It encourages me to know that it is when we walk by faith that God is able to reveal Himself to us more deeply and I look forward to that.

    I was also encouraged to hear how you struggle when you are trying ‘speak with your voice’, how little things come up to discourage you. It will help me now to push past those discouragements and see them for what they are, the enemy trying to shut down my heart again. Thank you for being so real and sharing your life with us.
    God Bless,
    Julie Nelson

    • Reply Bonnie Gray December 12, 2017 at 12:41 am

      Sweet Julie, of course I remember your dilemma. I was standing where you were. And I had shared with you the decision I made & the freedom it brought me, to follow Jesus and be HIS beloved, even though it brought a lot of pain in the moment, it was worth being free to live the life God created me to live as his beloved daughter. Which I know is what it sounds like He’s inviting you to experience with him. His life with you. I know it is very hard and so you need to be extra extra kind to yourself. And give yourself lots of patience – just look at Jesus’ gentle gaze and hear His voice of love to you. And then just allow Him to hold and comfort you. And his love will give you strength. thanks again for sharing. I know without a doubt how beloved you are to God and what a beautiful heart you have to always listen to Him. love, Bonnie

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