Choose to Believe You’re Worthy of Happiness

By Bonnie Gray • June 28, 2021 • Leave a Comment

Would my mother Ah-Ma come to my wedding? I didn’t know.

One morning, seventeen years ago, I stepped into my Western bridal gown as American Bonnie for our church wedding ceremony, where my husband and I would exchange our vows. Later that night, I changed into my red Chinese wedding silk dress as Asian Bonnie at our wedding banquet.

The traditional silk dress is called cheongsam in the Cantonese dialect spoken in Southern China GuongDong where my parents are from. They escaped to British Hong Kong when the Communist party rose to power during the Cultural Revolution launched by Mao Zedong.

In Mandarin, the silk dress is called chi-pow. Brides wear red to symbolize good fortune and happiness for a new life as a couple.

That day was significant for me. Choosing happiness for myself was very different from the expectations I grew up with. I was taught to focus on the greater good, on what would be helpful and loving for others. Up to that point in my life, most of my life decisions had revolved around making choices for my family — my mother, who was a single mom, and my sister, who was five years younger than me.

I didn’t grow up in a cookie-cutter family that had a mom and dad, so I wondered if I could have the kind of whole-family happiness I’d always longed for. Did I deserve it, or was that selfish?

Happiness was more of an afterthought for me. It was nice when happiness was a part of my experience, as a side benefit to the responsibilities I shouldered. But to choose something simply because it gave me happiness? That seemed too extravagant.

Was I even worth happiness for my own sake if it didn’t serve other people?

So, choosing my husband — a soulmate with whom I’d define happiness together as a couple and later as a family — was a new territory of faith for me…to be continued on (in)courage where I’m posting today.

To read the rest of today’s blog post, click here to join me at DaySpring (in)courage, where today’s post is published. Join me there now and share a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts friend!

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Your Story Matters. You Matter. You are beloved.

Sweet Like jasmine is my story as the daughter of a mail-order bride from Hong Kong and a father who was a busboy in a noodle shop who left me when I was seven years old. After stumbling on an old birth certificate, I set out to SF Chinatown to uncover family secrets I ran away from, to find the my childhood home and the dad who abandoned me! I share my hard-won lessons of faith to empower you with God’s love and hope with this book!!

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